Lots on my mind.
Andy, Jaime and I went to Custard Corner over by D’Youville tonight. My first thought was…”Damn, when did Cero’s become a Subway?” I knew it had, of course, but I still expected it to be there. Then we drove home through Riverside and it was a ton of memories and stories flooding back…. “There’s where our car got stolen…and there’s my house, you can’t miss it cuz its pink and green…hey the pizza place closed…and theres a new pizza place across the street…theres a football field where the baseball diamond used to be…why is Vulcan all torn up??”
I miss being 6 years old and living there. I hate that it gets exponentially worse every year.
Then I come home and there’s dad. And with the little jaunt to the past and him without a job I thought of all the things that relate to him. Like Father-Daughter dances at Samuel’s Grande Manor, and him trying to teach me how to play softball and being at each of my games without fail, and his TERRIBLE driving skills (the time he crashed the car at Delaware and Kenmore…the time he hit a tree at Elmwood and Keller…the time he almost took out a mailbox at Knowlton and rowley…) I thought of our weekly drives to the reservation, and going to the science museum, and going to amusement parks, and fighting over the newspaper, and the last piece of bacon. I thought of how when I lost my health insurance he gave up cigarettes so I could get all 11 prescriptions, and how he took me to get my tooth pulled, and took me to my SSI meetings, and took me to my doctors appointments. I thought of how he refers to Jaime, Nick, Kevin, Christina, Molly, Dennis, and Beth as his other children, and how he always extends the offer of a fill-in on father’s day for Nick, Jaime, and Kev. I thought of how he dipped into his retirement fund to pay for college, and how he bargained with Sacred Heart to keep me in school there. I remember him dressing up as “pooh-cula” on Halloween one year, and playing the butler at my murder-mystery party, and how he thinks nothing of wearing Bern’s baby bonnet for a picture on Easter Sunday. I thought of how happy he was when Bernadette was born, how sad he was when Grandma Lois died, and how much he cried when I ran away. I thought of him calling me at Kevin’s after he kicked me out, I thought of him holding my hand at the hospital, I thought of how proud he was opening night of Long December.
I thought mainly of how much I owe him, and how much I love him, and how much I wish there was something I could do to help.
I really do have the best father in the world.
So I started thinking about these things and then I thought of a related topic…my fake family.
As soon as I told Jaime that dad lost his job, she said “Do you need me to come over?” And that right there is what this is all about, really. I was always the black sheep of my family, ever since I was about 13. Before that I didn’t talk to anyone, I would always prefer to hide in the corner with a book, and I idolized my cousin Katie’s way to command a room. Then things changed…a lot…and I started talking, and I commanded the room, and nobody liked it cuz they wanted to keep me 10 years old. (Katie liked it least of all.) And so, aside from grandma, my cousin Duff and a scattering of aunts and uncles, I became the one that caused the problems. Forget that Katie got pregnant by her black boyfriend. (I’m Irish-catholic and while I don't see the problem here, my family, by tradition, does.) Forget that Michael is 21 and just finished high school, and has been arrested more times that I can count. Forget Duffy’s solitude, Sarah’s parties, Maggie and Molly’s attitude…I’m the one that screwed it all up, because I’m the one that doesn’t care what they think.
So I started my own family.
Some of them I don’t talk to as much anymore, the others I talk to or see everyday. But these are the people i can call on for everythin
g.
I know that probably no one reads this and even if they do they don't care, but I'm thinking about these people so I feel like writing about them.
First, there’s Jaime, more commonly known as James. We met at Sacred Heart freshman year, bonding over Aussie T’s and how much Global class sucked. Our teachers confused us constantly that first year, and then thought of us as a duo by the next. I went to her mom’s wedding, which she was a miserable bridesmaid in. We sat together at lunch, and came up with the best excuses to get out gym class. We went through the boy band craze together. Junior year we acted up constantly in history class, always keeping our teacher “on his toes.” Senior year we sat next to each other at graduation and played rock, paper, scissors the whole time. She was here when my mom was in the hospital, she was here when I broke down, she starred in my play, she lived her for a week due to a snow storm, she knows me inside out, and there is nothing I can think of that would pull us apart. She has been my very best friend for a very long time.
Then there’s Nick. I have known him since kindergarten. He was my first crush, the second musketeer, and the third love of my life. We would play at Kevin’s after school each day, we aspired to be famous together. I stuck up for him all through grade school, he was there for me all through high school. We eat Chinese and watch movies and throw parties and go to concerts and the movies and love horror flicks and loud bad bands together. He goes to my plays, I go to his gigs, we told each other everything….not so much no, but before. Now we just fight. But I have known him for 16 years. After that long, you’re bound to disagree on something…even if your disagreement is each other. But nick is still so many things…my therapist, my shoulder to cry on, the best drummer in the world, the best kisser in the world, my drinking/partying buddy, my confidant, friend, and my very own selfish bastard.
There’s Christina, another one I have known all my life. We went to Kindergarten together too, and I stuffed her in a toy oven cuz she annoyed me. Then, when we moved from riverside in second grade, she lived in the house across the street. She came to school with me a few years later, and then we went to high school together. To list Chris related memories would take years, and I can't even give a few cuz I wont be able to stop. Sadly, though, she is now a mindless drone who forgot about everything that mattered to her except her sorority and her boyfriend. You win some, you lose some.
There’s Beth, though whom the “I’ve known you since kindergarten” saying applies again. Her mom used to babysit me, her sister used to babysit me, and now I babysit her daughter. She was the one that knew all my secrets and loved all my quirks. We consider each other sisters, and have always been there for one another. When she went into labor, I cut class and paid Kevin to drive me out to Millard Fillmore suburban. I helped deliver her daughter, who calls me Aunt Brig. I am Dolores godmother, and Beth’s best friend. We don't talk as much cuz we’re so busy now, but when I do see her, its like we pick up right where we left off.
There’s Katy, who I have known for the past 3 years and whom I love with all my heart. She was there through all my insanity, I was there when her father was in the hospital. She dated my cousin Duffy for a few months, and we are all friends now. We have a friendship that quite literally knows no bounds, and we are each others own personal superstar. I can tell her anything and she is never shocked, and sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself. We are not technically allowed to be friends (or at least we weren’t) and duff refers to us as “A very screwed up Romeo and Juliet story.” We talk about moving to New York when she gets out of high school, and taking over the world. She is my partner in crime and my guardian angel.
Then there is Todd. I have known him since roughly 5th or 6th
grade…
I'm not quite sure when. After he…um…did some…um…bad things, he was kicked out of school and had to wear this police issues ankle bracelet. I didn’t see him again until last year, on Valentine’s day, when he shows up in a suit and tie with a picture of his son, Michael. Now, I see him once a week, at least. When he was unemployed last year, I saw him every night, and even spent Christmas at his house. I dated his brother for a total of 2 horrible days, I can hold hour long conversations with his mother, and he has hooked up with 2 f my friends in the past month. My friends became his and vice versa. We talk about everything, he holds me on a pedestal and calls me the sister he never had. He always is at the ready with his jumper cables whenever my heart is broken, and has not only threatened to hurt Mark, but actually kicked Nick out of his house on more than one occasion. He is my protector.
Finally, there is Kevin. I always leave him for last because there is no one in the world that means more to me. I have known him since the day I came home from the hospital after I was born, which will be 21 years on Tuesday. We went to grade school together and remained best friends despite him being held back and all the “Kevin and Brigid sitting I a tree…” songs that we seemed to meet with every day. He was the third musketeer, he was the only person I could stand enough to live with when I was kicked out. I understand all the stupid things he says and does, and everything about him makes sense to me. I don't think I could ever love anybody the way I love him. He is the one that I truly refer to as my brother. He has been my brother all my life, and I can't picture it without him. As Jaime says, I never have to worry about dying alone…always have Kevin.
So those are the people that make my world go round. Those are the ones that always come when I call, that I can never get rid of, no matter how I may try. And the best thing is that they are all friends, so I never have to worry about mixing them together. Kevin, Nick, Beth, Christina, Todd and I have known each other practically our entire lives…yet Katy and Jaime and the rest of our friends go together too. Hell, Kevin’s asked Katy out, Todd hooked up with Jaime, Jaime went out with Nick’s bassist, Christina took Kevin to the Christmas dance, and we all pretty much get together as often as possible.
And on days like today, when everything seems pretty dreary, I am really glad I have them here.
WHEW. I’m done now.
