just got back from cafe aroma with the wendybird. t'was good times- we were dorks and sang alexz johnson songs in the car. now i'm listening to even worse music in my room with all my pretty candles lit and am working on some new stuff for the walls. promises to be... exciting. gah, i hate being all dressed up and having nowhere to go. i'onno, maybe i'll do something with chunks and andrew- or should i say chunksandrew, cause they're pretty much the same person these days. i hate being the only single one of my friends. well, that's not true, i mean, not all of my friends are attached, it just feels like it. grr. i should be happier with myself, y'know? be one of those strong, independent women i hear so much about. and, oftentimes, i'n ohkay on my own. generally i can entertain myself well and enjoy being by myself, but then there are nites when i just wish i had someone to sit and smoke a bowl with, or to watch familyguy with, but that's ok. i'm extremely young- i'm not worried. just, tired. i was almost considering getting back together with this real DOUCHE of a guy, but luckily my sanity kicked in just in time. it's just, for a few minutes, i definitely knew what laura meant in high fidelity when she told rob that she was too tired not to be with him.

... i'm going to be that cat lady.





in other news, it's time for me to starting thinking what i'm going to do with my senior page in the yearbook. it's mandatory to have dotdotdots, which is where you basically shout out to all yr friends and reference stupid inside jokes. i don't know what to put in mine, because i, uh, don't like anyone, lol. i'm thinking maybe i should just make a joke out of it- be a real asshole, y'know? just really obvious and obnoxious, like:

'omg traci and jenni and JR and mildred... frannie's dances... saturday nites at the regal... good times... RJ and UC and laney... so much fun camping... omg Spiders haahahahahahahhahaaaaaaaaaa... BFF'S 4 EvA!~~~~... good times.'

meh, whatevah. i'm also trying to come up with a senior quote or two. so far i really like 'as bad as i am, i'm proud of the fact that i'm worse than i seem', or 'i've been a bad, bad girl' (heh check out (e:drchlorine)'s entry music for me!), or 'bless you, world! for you are thus rich in earthly pleasure / i'll serve you in my own sweet way by giving love full measure'

that last one's a quote from a poem about mary magdalene, and obsession of mine. then, another i like is from beauty and the beast, 'i want adventure in the great, wide somewhere- i want it more than i can tell'

heh, yeah i'm a total dork. oh well.

... does anyone else feel guilty/funny about listening to india arie when yr white?

i am a hermit. thoreau's got nothing on me. i have done literally nothing this summer.
wendy's got yoga tonite, and then, a little past eight, she's gonna come grab me and we're going to spot for an hour before she has to get the car back to south buffalo.
anyone doing anything good tonite? i'm booooooooooooored.
i guess i'd better get a new copy of walden.

um, yeah. so i didn't get sooze in colloquial theater's SUBURBIA. didn't get anything.
blast.

merry christmas to you all, and happy seventeenth birthday to me and angel.
i feel old/young.

haven't updated since christmas. my livejournal, which i've been slightly more faithful to, was graced with a similar renewal of spirits in typical-alison epiphanic fashion. i did so, with a recap of the last couple years- which i will now post here:
our saga continues as i left boarding school to come back to lovely buffalo, new york. here, absolutely nothing has happened, except if you disregard my falling in love, changing my hair color a few hundred times, getting the ol' heart broken, fighting with and being exiled from my group of friends, having my first professional poetry reading at nietzche's (i made $13), and acquiring a few piercings and a penchant for sex, drugs, and the satanical rock and roll music. now, two years later, my parents will be finalizing their divorce in the next couple weeks, and my mother will be moving to arizona. i'll be going into my senior year on academic probation at a school of girls who look at me like i'm courtney love on a sunday morning.
all caught up? smashing.
in other news, i have a splitting headache, and am ordering pretty new bras from victoria's secret online because they don't sell full-figure DD sizes in the stores anymore. cute, i know. the gilmoregirls episode is on where jess steals howl from rory. sweet. ham and cheese sandwich, gross. i'm 163.1 lbs, which is weird, because i look a lot smaller, and it's pissing me off. i have no job, because i have no car, because i'm an asshole. i did, however, apply at feel rite market. babysitting is, in no way, paying the bills.

::phew:: that was trying.

anyways. got into a MASSIVE fight with the father-figure a couple days ago. i was in tears all day. and then what happened? i had my audition with bill and victoria for Colloquial Theater's production of SUBURBIA. and i blew it, cause i was such a fucking basket case. plus, it's a little hard to put any meaning or punch into a performance art piece about cuntholes and howard stern while trying to read the words off a tiny little script. blah. anyways, it got even better. i left victoria's to go to the after-hours clinic with my mother, where i proceeded to have a panic attack. wonderful. i haven't had one in awhile, but oh did it come back full force.
now, a few days later, the whole casting of suburbia thang is making me jumpy likeWHOA. i've been checking my email every five seconds, and am taking this as a sign that i suck and didn't get cast. ah well, obviously it wasn't meant to be. looks like i'll just have to sit and wait like a good little girl for the theater gods to take a shine to me. it's taking every ounce of self-restraint that i have to not call victoria (it's 2 am) and beg for a definitive answer, just to have the whole thing over and done with. the only thing worse than the hour before an audition is the time between it being over and hearing the results. GUH.

but, for now, i suppose i'll just have to stick my nose into my required summer reading- that is the goal of tomorrow/today. wish me luck and love!
this was a crazy/whiny/nutso entry. i promise the next will be less of a smack over the head, if not equally as trite.


in closing, i'll leave you with the immortal words of cogsworth: "if it's not baroque, then don't fix it!"