It's Christmas time.
I have a tree.
I even bought my dog some reindeer antlers.


Being a doctor, I find it very hard to believe in anything that's not certain. As an undergrad, I had issues taking psychology classes because everything was just theory, and nothing could be proved. It's very hard for me to believe in something that I can't see, that isn't scientific, that isn't cut and dry. It's one of the reason I love chemistry and math.Most of my friends are in science related fields, and I find it hard to be with people that don't see it like I do.

Grey's anatomy sparked a little something in me tonight. I usually don't watch the show because it's a little dramatic: the OR I work in will never be filled with as much melodrama as that one, and my interns aren't attractive/are too dorky to sleep with one another. One of the main characters wasn't spritual and she had problems with the make believe side of the holidays. Sometimes I do too. We tell kids about Santa only for them to find out at age 9 that Santa doesn't exist. While the jury in my head is still out on Religion, some people could make the assumption that that aspect of Christmas is make believe too. Christmas, to me, is a comfort. As much as spending time with my family jolts me just a little, I love EggNog, the smell of Spices, wrapping paper, and laughter too much to give it up. It reminds me that even in my crazy world, where life and death hang by a thread, that I can be a kid again.

What would I ask Santa for this year? Hmm...

I'm not the type of writer that will go on and on for the sake of my own voice or to make you all feel that I'm intelligent. I just like spurting random thoughts once in awhile.

Randomness.

Maybe I should write that letter to Santa...

Just in case anyone was wondering: I talked to my friend about it. She said there's reasons why they didn't work, but there is no reason that I shouldn't give him a shot.

Well.. lol. Proving that I can never make up my mind, I don't know if I'm going to pursue him. Like other people I've pursued, I think I might just be in love with the idea of him.

Oh well.
Still Single. Still Busy.
Still not wanting to be either.

Everyone knows that feeling, right? When you meet an amazing person, when you float off to cloud nine, when you can't help but give into everything you have imagined about love since your childhood... when you let yourself go. Until very recently, I could say with all sincerity that I had never felt that.

The man I chose to fall in love with is not someone that I can be in love with. I know you can't choose who you fall for, but for so long this friend that I fell for was taken by someone that I consider to be a good friend. Well, she let him go, for whatever reason, and I cannot help but think that if she were to know even an ounce of my feelings for him, that we would cease to be friends. You don't just go and fall for someone's ex-fiance everyday, do you?

All I know is that I've never felt like this before. I've been in years long relationships that never even came close to the feelings I harbor for him.

Is it worth it?
I've been spending too much of my life lately trying to figure that out...



This is completely unrelated, but...
My puppy, Daphne

Since my nights off are few and far between (which leads to many lonely ones), I figured I'd rant a little more. I've been looking around tonight (ok.. I've been reading your journals) and I have to say, you guys are so interesting. It's so nice to read about lives that don't involve "OhMyGoD DiD YoU C WhAt ShE seD?". Even writing that hurt my intellectual side..

I love the fall. I love the weather. I love how even the leaves in south buffalo can manage to look beautiful. I love how not everyone is dressed like a skank anymore (although I do appreciate a woman's body as an art form, some stuff should be left to the imagination). I love that the kids in my neighborhood are not around between 8-3 and they aren't playing as much hockey in the streets. I love how almost all of the houses are decorated for halloween, and that it just smells cold in the morning (I'm praying that someone else knows what I mean). I especially love how on nights like tonight, you can curl up in a blanket on your couch with your dog and be totally relaxed. It's not too hot, not too cold, just that perfect kind of comfy.

I love comfy.
Sometimes it's too hard to find.

I had a journal when I was an undergrad. Today when I read it, I can laugh at myself. Was I really that theatrical? Was one bad phone call really the end of my world? Well, I think I can say I've grown up a little bit since then. I hope. So here's a little bit about me. And how fun I am.

My name's Aldara but if you call me that I'll kill you. I go by Ali, and always have. I was born in Thessalonki, Greece but I'm not greek at all. I'm mainly Spanish, but my mother has a little bit of Irish and Moroccan in her. I lived in Greece until I was 7, and then in Morocco until I was 10. We moved to Virginia then, and to Buffalo when I was 16. I've been here ever since.

I can honestly say that I've out grown my friends from high school. I was in a sorority when I was in college, but I've out grown them to. I've just started my residency in Pediatric Surgery at ECMC, and I love doing weird things. Just ask if you need an explanation.