I am confused. About what to be, what to do. I am too pessimistic. I don't believe in anything. I think too gobally, it's hard to have hope that way. I need to think about my own circle more, what I can influence. And start believing that it matters. That if I try I can make something happen. But more importantly, that what I make happen will have some significance. Do I even care to be significant? Does it matter. Am I too selfish? Is there anything else? I need to convince myself that trying to change the world is happiness. Even if there is little hope of the world being changed. Right?

sidenote: clowns driving cars like normal people is just wrong. Honey the clown was stopped next to us at the light, and when she saw me staring she game me a real creepy clown-smile. Sends shudders down my spine just thinking about it.

Scientists have successfully created the first child of two mothers-that's right, no sperm, or males at all, needed. It is so far just a mouse but hopefully soon we will have adapted the procedure for humans and can be done with the scourge of man forever. Then we will all live in peace, harmony (we shall all stay inside around that time of the month), and great fashion (so shoot me). But really it is quite fascinating. They took eggs from two female mice and managed to create a viable offspring who matured naturally and was even able to sexually reproduce. I wonder if Rosie/Ellen have heard yet, or maybe are secretly behind the whole thing.

and I never even saw him, I don't think at least. We were, of course, cordoned off about 200 yards from Kleinhans where the Prez delivered his thang. I saw a couple men debark from gigantic vans and sleek limos but who knows who they were, maybe one was him. It was a great turnout. I estimate around 500-700 protestors and 20-40 supporters. Signs and singing and chants, hoots, and hollers. Great fun. The police force was pretty massive, but very under control. We were stuck in some kinda freedom of speech zone behind orange mesh, and the only time the police intervened was when a bit of it came loose, perhaps enabling a stray protestor within 199 yards of his majesty. Meeting actual Bush supporteers kinda gives me the creeps, I just can't believe they're anywhere near the majority. Most today were of the Bible-thumpin' variety (a couple actually had Bibles in hand), plus a couple young republicans. It was almost sad how they were trying, starting chants only to be drowned out by the vast majority. The sneers-reminiscent of Dubya's own sneaky smirk-as they tried to save face at their very obvious minority-status. I hope it gave them a little idea of how the policies of their leader alienate and discriminate against minorities everywhere everyday.

So, my personal favorite: The apparenet ring-leader of the other side was this blonde very SS-looking guy, hair shaved at the bottom and all. He was handing out pamphlets to the others and actually trying to have discourse with the rest of us (and I have to say he was very civil about it, and seemed educated about the topics-he was one of the 'real' enemies who knows whats really going on and approves, as oppossed to the ignorant Bible-thumpers). I overheard another woman say he had written books and everything. So now that I had located the leader I thought I would have a little fun. Paul and I grabbed a sign and Stickboy wrote "Nazis for Bush" while Paul added a couple swastikas for good measure. I slowly eased closer until I was right next to him and then I raised my sign over our heads. There's a picture on the front page. It was mucho fun. I mean I could easily pass for a Nazi and so could he, so it made sense and all. People would start to stare at me, slowly read the sign, and burst out in laughter. Once the nuts found out about the prank they were a little distraught, but there was really nothing they could do, they were ringed in all sides by anti-Bushers and had nowhere to go. So for the rest of the protest me and my little Naziettes valinantly defended our Führer from his unworthy assailants. Oh fun.

I feel the need to post, but not the desire. Let's shorten things... Sunny sunny day. Shirt-off hikin' along the river sittin atop bald knoll hawks wheelin' above us hankypankaspank with husbands two oh the joy of matrimony dear over two hundred at the grocery store kitchen cleaning guest tomorrow and Bush is here on Tuesday. AAAHHH!

I have to return this book tomorrow, so here's the final quote from The Market Revolution:

On the Senate floor of the Polk administration (1844-48), discussing the annexation of Texas, Senator Benton "predicted it would regenerate the "Yellow Race"[Mexican] which he ranked far above the black brown and red races... 'but still, far below the White; and, like all the rest, must receive an impression from the superior race whenever they come in contact. It would seem that the White race alone received the divine command, to subdue and replenish the earth!...Civilization, or extinction, has been the fate of all people who have found themselves in the track of the advancing Whites.'"

I suppose we're working on "regenerating" the Iraqis now by allowing them to receive an "impression" from us benevolent "Whites". Don't they understand that in the "track of the advancing Whites" there is no choice except "civilization or extinction"? Learn some history Iraqis and get in line!

Just finished reading The Eden Express by Mark Vonnegut (son of Kurt). Trisha and paulnotpaul read it and had rave reviews. It is, as the title says, a memoir of insanity. A trip through the mind and experiences of a young man learning about and struggling to cope with his progressively worse schizophrenia. It's a good book for a lot of reasons. It is as well written as any book on the subject could hope to be. Basically it tells the story of Mark as he leaves college and rather than 'enter the world' takes off with friends to start something 'new' and 'radical' in the wilds of British Columbia. Right off the bat this appealed to me, so many of my own fantasies that somehow were made real. Of course, the book doesn't stay so great. Mark starts experiencing more and more episodes until he reaches the point where his friends admit him into an institution. Well, I don't know how to analyze it really, I'm gonna stop now. If you wanna learn a little bit about mental illness from someone who knows, take a read. It's well worth it though. It will make you slightly crazier though I think, at least it did for me.

This is a great quote from the book. Not much to do with psychosis, but very good: "We were nuns milling about in between two opposing armies, keeping both sides from seeing each other except through our eyes." That is maybe a good thing to be. Very hard though I suppose, but perhaps rewarding, or maybe you just go crazy.

Here's another Stickboy [inlink]stickboy&id=42,[/inlink]

It is better to travel hopefully than it is to arrive. - R. L. Stevenson

This is the opening quote to the first chapter of The Eden Express->see above

Who doesn't secretly suspect it? Thst Bushiecrew is gonna find weapons one way or another in Iraq. Whether they're our weapons imported or their weapons hidden very very well. So maybe it's a conspiracy theory and all but take a look .

"BASRA -– Fifty days after the first reports that the U.S. forces were unloading weapons of mass destruction (WMD) in southern Iraq, new reports about the movement of these weapons have been disclosed.

Sources in Iraq speculate that occupation forces are using the recent unrest in Iraq to divert attention from their surreptitious shipments of WMD into the country.

An Iraqi source close to the Basra Governor’s Office told the MNA that new information shows that a large part of the WMD, which was secretly brought to southern and western Iraq over the past month, are in containers falsely labeled as containers of the Maeresk shipping company and some consignments bearing the labels of organizations such as the Red Cross or the USAID in order to disguise them as relief shipments."

A little added fun: . A report from Syracuse University . states that the IRS has audited fewer and fewer corporations as oppossed to more and more individuals over the past ten years. So they pay less tax [inlink]terry,182[/inlink] and have less a chance of being questioned than people. It's craziness. Ummm...I wanna talk about Bush and his speech too...but, there's just so much to say, and so little time to say it in. I wanna try to pick the top five or so blunders (out of maybe 500, man, he was soooo bad). I really can't believe he is really our president. Truly amazing. No pretension at intelligence whatsoever. None. Blows me away. Like I said, maybe later....

And let's go kill us some cute little seals. Hell yeah. The hunt is sponsonred by the Canadian government as a way of keeping the harp seal population within limits. Last year's death toll was around 300,000, and this year an increased quota expects to produce over 350,000. Make some fine caps, I'm sure. But, so cute. So cute. Why can't we just kill the ugly ones? Apparently there are over 5 million off Canada's east coast. Enough for a whole inflatable sealskin hot-air balloon.

They make a snake-like slither as they brush upon each other. Each one on its way to crunchng death upon the rocks, if they last that long. From whence they come is still unclear to me. I conjecture that there are tributaries that are clogged and release their flow after periodic breakage. These must be cataclysmic sights. I watched as they moved only on my side, as far as I could tell, caught up in hidden patterns, upswellings, and downsurgings. The water bubbled, roiled, and boiled. Looking towards the source was a beautiful sight I would like to have captured. The bridge above, the three man-made protuberances, the other side fading into lake, and along my whole bank the strip of white. Where in front of me the activity was strong, as the gaze wandered upstream the surge and swell seemed to dispell and the pulsating latticework became whole; a white ribbon, snow-packed road, or toboggan run. But it was the sound that most entranced me. The sibilant hiss of snake coils rubbing, so unexpected from such apparently hard, though melting, bodies. The rush filled my ears, vibrating in time with the chilly gusts that pulled at my face. Atop the water, water yet not water, singing softly onwards to dissolution.