So, I went home to my parents' house. Within the first half hour I got angry at my mom. What else is new? She had cleaned off the top of my dresser, where I happened to have a bunch of random things that didn't belong in any specific place other than the top of my dresser. There were also some ashes left over from an incense I burned who knows when. I noticed that my mom took it upon herself to clean this area on the top of my dresser, and move things around, and probably throw some things in the garbage. I wasn't really too upset about this, but I yelled down the stairs to her in a half-upset half-joking voice, "Hey Mom! It was nice of you to clean off my dresser when I didn't ask you to!" She replies, "Well, I had to, there was 6 inches of crap all over it!" So this is why I was mad. My house, with the exception of my bedroom, is a complete disaster. My mother is incapable of throwing things in the garbage, or hell, even putting them in a storage bin. There is stuff all over random things, such as the floor, coffee table, piano, counters...rendering each of these essentially disfunctional. So, I am mad because she should have been cleaning up her own mess instead of worrying about mine, when no one even uses my room right now since I am gone and I thought they didn't do anything with it. Wrong, a day or so later I ventured to open my closet. Lo and behold there were garbage bags filled with my things, not to be thrown away, but just to be stored, because apparently storage bins are too good for my stuff. Granted, my stuff consists of stuffed animals and things I don't need, but it really hurt me that my possessions were disrespected by being thrown in a garbage bag and hidden in the corner of a closet. Meanwhile, my room is now being used as an extension of the rest of the house, a new room in which they can create a mess. There are papers and Christmas ornaments and random things which do not belong to me strewn all around my room. I would gladly clean my belongings out of my old bedroom and place them neatly in storage bins in a reasonable place, but my entire house is so overwhelmed with junk, that there is no reasonable space left for storage. Most of my things could probably be sold in a gargae sale, but God forbid my mother part with anything. One other thing. There are boxes of VHS tapes down in my basement, in a very hard to reach corner. My father was helping me look for one movie that I wanted to bring back to Buffalo with me, and it was quite a feat to get the boxes out. So, I found a movie of my mom's in one of these bottom boxes, all dusty and obviously not used in quite some time. So, I asked my mom if I could have the tape. She said no. Couldn't give me a good reason, just said no. She said she wanted it. I said to her that she obviously hadn't watched it in forever and I didn't see why I couldn't have it. It was a movie I could use in the future when teaching Shakespeare. No. So, I gave up. Of course, the next day she said I could have it. So...what am I supposed to do? I can't take all of my things to Buffalo. They sure won't fit in my little one bedroom apartment. And I can't store them. I guess I will just have to forget about the things that are mine and let them be shoved somewhere in a dark corner.

back in Buffalo

i hate cities

does anybody know good places to go camping?

Examples of my mother's OCD:

- lining up the bathroom rug exactly on the line of the tile
- ripping up everything that goes in the garbage, even if she has to cut it because it is unrippable
- muting the commercials on tv
- thoroughly rinsing everything before it goes in the dishwasher (why do they have a dishwasher? they may as well wash everything by hand)


i really need to start staying at a hotel when i visit my parents

well...i went to the dentist today, the good news is that i don't have to wear my retainer any more and the next time i go in they are going to bond my eye teeth because there is a gap, the bad news is that i need all four of my wisdom teeth out


i also washed my car. now it is beautiful.

Well, I'm leaving for Albany in a few hours. I'll be gone until Monday. Hopefully my brother will let me use his slow-ass computer so I don't miss too much in the lives of people I don't actually know. I'm not looking forward to the 5 hour drive all by myself.

My weird dream saga continues. Last night I dreamed that I had two cabbage patch dolls, one named Anna and the other named Nicole (weird coincidence? blech). I brought them home to my parents' house and my mom went ballistic. She started throwing them at me and out of the window and into the front yard. She said she didn't want them in the house. I think she was jealous of them.

Last night for real I talked to my mom on the phone. Apparently I am supposed to go to a party with her on Sunday afternoon, but I forgot all about it. I made plans to drive down to my boyfriend's house and say hi to his parents and pick up his rollerblades. My mom of course got all upset by this. I'm trying to figure out if I can do both. My mom gets jealous when I have plans with anyone else's parents. She said to me last night when I told her, "Oh. I didn't realize you were that close with his parents." I think she's insecure that I don't love her or something.

aww, those duckies are so sad. i hope those pictures aren't real.

so, did anyone notice that the hair salon which was in the process of opening in the Lexington Co-op building (where the yoga place used to be) has suddenly disappeared? i know that the yoga people left because the owner of that building (some people know who i am talking about) never fixed anything that he said he was going to fix in their shop and they got sick of him. i wonder what happened to the poor hair salon. anybody know?

(e:mike,28689)I have no idea about where we could have a league, but I bet, if we were just playing with each other for fun, the racquetball courts at Buff State would probably serve our purpose. But, another question to bring up is, does anyone have the right balls we need? haha that sounds dirty.


(e:news,29879)I think this hide feature is awesome. This way I can give in to my ever changing whims on whether or not I actually want a journal to be shared.


(e:rachel,33027) That's hilarious, Rachel! When I was in high school I hardly ever got enough sleep and I was always stressed out. I used to do that all the time. I'd go to bed at 9pm or something and wake up at 11pm and think it was 11am and that I was late for school. A couple times I even started to take a shower and stuff but my dad saw me from the living room and told me to go back to bed. It is a really confusing feeling.


I had a dream last night that my boyfriend and I were building our own house. We were building it up in a tree and it was going to be really awesome because it would be something that was completely ours. This might have been instigated by a conversation I had with a girl at work last night where she was telling me all about the new house she bought.

while boogie boarding on the web looking for mixed drink recipes, i came across this one:

Today while washing dishes I had to encounter one of my most hated smells ever: the combination of hot peanut butter mixed with dish soap. I tried to figure out why I hate this smell so much, and my thoughts went back to my childhood and my mother's obsessive compulsive disorders: one of which was making sure every piece of recycling (plastic jars, metal cans, etc.) was thoroughly soaked and cleaned before put in the recycling bin. In particular, she wanted peanut butter jars to be clean, so she would fill the jar with hot water and dish soap and let it soak on the kitchen counter for hours. I don't know if this was some ingenious plan she had, or if it was due to pure laziness in regards to actually scrubbing something to get it clean. Anyway, I don't really see the point in cleaning recycling materials, since they are melted down to nothing and sterilized before they are used again. Still, this doesn't explain why I hate the smell so much. I must just relate it to bad memories of my mother. That's right, I heard it straight out of my psychologist's mouth, I am allowed to blame my mother for most of my psychotic quirks.

it's lonely making dinner for one person...

how do you guys draw so well with a mouse? i just can't do it.


my day is going a lot better. work was great. now i'm just bored. i'll prolly putz around on Second Life for the rest of the night.http://secondlife.com/ss/?u=8703d178d138b6e1b2047fe0ca2c5b90