I hope everyone had a good 4th. I had an excellent time, of course, although sadly mine was the only building on the block with a flag on it as far as I know.

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I've been thinking about something (e:Drew) wrote one day concerning an atheist President. I don't know that we will ever have an atheist President during our lifetimes. That assumes that, at some point, evangelicals will have absolutely zero say in the future, and it's an assumption that to me isn't really panning out, at least in the near term, given how Obama and McCain have been pandering lately.

Even if you ignore the hard cores, you're looking at a situation that would be far more difficult than Kennedy dealt with concerning his Catholicism. The stereotypical atheist mindset isn't very flattering, and it isn't as if they are averse to wearing it on their sleeves like an evangelical wears his faith. If you bring the mocking, cynical overtones of a Christopher Hitchens to the table, your candidacy on a national scale here is DOA, and for good reason. The atheist is better off LYING about his atheism.

Why? Because, while it isn't fair, the atheist candidate is saddled with the baggage of his contemporaries being outright hostile to religion and the religious. He would have a hell of a lot to prove to people, not only about his beliefs, but the capability to use those beliefs to erode religious freedom in America, or to generally engage in petty, useless nonsense. Personally, if the candidate was the chilled out, live and let live kind of atheist my Dad is, I would have no problem voting for him. Right now I am looking away from inflexible people.

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I can think of some things I'm taking on faith right now, and I know I'm not alone in this kind of exercise. Humans do this all the time, but rarely is anyone so cynical or mean as to dash someone's hopes. I believe:

- I will have someone in my life who accepts me, good and bad.
- I will have a better go of things in my 30's.
- Someday there will be a cure for much of what ails us.
- I will find a way to overcome my smoking.
- Somehow, my wallet will turn up intact.
- America, and the world, will get through our problems somehow.

IF YOU DO NOT KNOW JACK ABOUT BATMAN, MOVE ON POR FAVOR!!!

Just don't want to spoil anything for people unnecessarily.

I'm usually not one for the movies. It isn't that I don't like movies - I just don't like going alone. Same thing with going out for a meal. But for this one, The Dark Knight, I'll go alone and sit next people I can't stand one bit.

The hype machine is already starting, and I am getting swept up in it. Rolling Stone has a review online already! It is a glowing review, and people are cynical about it due to Ledger's death. Could that manipulate a critic's opinion? I'm not sure.

From what I've seen, Heath Ledger's Joker is miles apart from Jack Nicholson's Joker. I love the idea of the Joker being gritter, absolutely frightening, with no remorse at all. I also hear that Harvey Dent's transformation into Harvey Two Face is quite compelling.

I remember in '89 when Batman came out, and Dad had just bought an awesome stereo (I currently own it, lol). I remember the special effects being amazing, boom boom, and myself being so engrossed in the film. I love superhero movies. I should probably try Batman Begins....

A number of people have offered their belated happy birthdays, and I want to say thank you. I'm not as spooked today. I neglected to mention the delicious bottle of Veuve Cliquot I bought. Dirty 30, y'all!

(e:DCoffee) - I'm surprised you didn't know Josh and I are twins. We are fraternal twins, but we do look more alike than your average set of fraternals.

I want to go on a trip somewhere. San Fran is still very much in the picture.

Man, over the last couple of days I really have gotten spooked. Last night was especially bad. I could barely sleep. I'm worried about the future, what I'll be doing, where I'll be going. Am I going to get more of what I want out of life?

I've been pretty public about the troubles I've had. In October 2006, something happened to me, it was sort of a renewal. I snapped out of it, so to speak. To me it was miraculous. I looked back on the previous 5 years and said Oh my God, what happened to me? How am I going to make up for all this time?

One thing I realized was that my psyche was fragile and weak. I needed to learn all of those hard lessons. I had to go through that to move on. All of it was necessary. I wish the lessons weren't so tough but I don't choose that kind of thing.

So I've tried to do the right things. I've tried to improve myself. I've always had certain good qualities, always been intelligent, but inside it was 100% turbulence. Dad tells me all the time how proud he is, how much I've changed. I hope you see some change in me too, because I've tried so hard to not be a bitter, angry, petty person towards anyone. I've tried to be better in every way.

Now it is all about the next step, personally and professionally. I don't have the love of a good woman, or a house, or a fancy car. I still haven't seen nearly enough of the world. I'm facing the possibility of leaving everyone and everything I know. I feel like I don't have it all together and at 30 I should, but I do see so many others in my position who are going through the same thing, so that should be some comfort.

I'm not desperate, or in a hurry, but I don't want to go through life alone. I want someone to be there for me, and me for them. I also really want to be a father someday, to me that is so important. I want to justify the sacrifices my grandparents and my own father made. I want to make good on their investment in me. I want I want I want.

Maybe first I should just worry about quitting cigarettes.

I appreciate the happy birthdays. It was a very chill day. I thought I wouldn't feel weird about turning 30 but in fact I am a little spooked. Here's to taking the next step, I guess! Special thanks go out to (e:Drew) and (e:Janelle) for being awesome hosts.