Modern Marvels on the History Channel is one of my favorite TV shows. I seldom sit down to watch it deliberately, but sometimes it's nice to affirm that there's something on the tube these days besides American Idol.

Tonight's episode, which focused on cans and canning, introduced me to a company called Edlund, and a great mechanical beast known as the 825A Can Opening System. This is the most awesome can opener I've ever heard of. It opens, dumps, cleans, and crushes 30 cans per minute

Now I know why the old southern lunch ladies at my high school always looked so chipper. They never had to break a sweat, because all their cans were opened for them. In fact, this thing reminds me of a scene in the movie Super Size Me, that features a cafeteria worker brandishing a box cutter. She proclaims it to be their most common tool of the trade.

Soylent Green, anyone?

2006 held a couple of great opportunities for new hardware. It wasn't time to upgrade when the first MacBook was released, nor when the 2nd generation MacBook arrived, all decked out with a Core 2 Duo processor. Other options? How about a PC laptop? Sure, just as long as it's free.

When I found that the Toshiba booth at this year's Consumer Electronics show was giving away chances to win one of their laptops, I thought mine was in the bag. So I took my seat in the audience to play their version of the game show Deal or No Deal. I was the first contestant called on stage that round. I made small talk with the host, eyed the wall of cases behind me, and decided that Case #6 must contain the laptop.

Had I chosen wisely? They tried to bribe me with a padded laptop-toting backpack, but I don't need one of those for my aging PowerBook. My good ol' man-purse case works just fine for this tiny machine. The audience shouted CASE! CASE! CASE! I made my decision; the case it must be. As the lovely stage hostess cracked that silver briefcase, my hopes for portable computing in the new year faded a little. I won...another backpack.

When relaxing in my own apartment, there used to be few surprises. That changed over a year ago when I opened my heart and my living quarters to the girlfriend. Thanks to her being enrolled in a veterinary program, there are more physiology flashcards than CPUs lying around my place these days. When I came home the other day, I found a new DVD on the coffee table. "Horseowner's Guide to Colic in the Horse." I won't even mention the pair of lab rats that have taken up residence in one of the bedrooms.

The opening act for Ben Folds at Geneseo this weekend turned out to be a wild one. I overheard some students there saying that the activities board had contemplated booting this guy from the show. Once on stage with his gleaming accordion, Corn Mo certainly managed to captivate the audience. My emotional state throughout the performance wavered between shock and extreme amusement.

Last week I acquired a sizable stock of sundries that a neighbor vacating my building left behind. Unopened boxes of pasta and jars of sauce, dessert mixes, soup, and the like. I checked the expiration date on everything, but some non-perishables don't have one. Thanks BHT!

An un-dated, (and therefore, unexpired) box of Skillet Chicken Helper found its way into my cupboard with the rest. Its loud yellow and red Ronald McDonald color scheme should have tipped me off that it was pretty old. When I decided to cook up the contents of the package with some grilled not-chicken strips, I noticed the absence of the familiar "Nutrition Facts" banner on the label. Plain old nutrition information stats were printed on the side panel, pre-1993 style. Copyright date on the box: 1991. The inside flap was also stamped with a print date of 11-27-91.

After careful inspection of the well-sealed rice and dried vegetable/bouillon packets, I decided to eat the stuff anyway. It didn't taste good, of course, but it wasn't bad either. As I ate, I couldn't help thinking about all the events that have passed in the last 15 years, while that box has been sitting on a shelf in my apartment building. Tasty memories...

Note to self: This information may prove very useful in the future, if I ever have to stock a bomb shelter.