okay, so the first year in many, i can say i have been very productive. it was the first time i have made a resolution in many, many years, and kept it. good for me.

so, to commemorate my productivity and progress, i will be celebrating with the (e:strip)pers tonight at the new years bash. so i get to thinking, what could some new years resolutions be for me now? and this is what came up:

• drumroll*

2007 New Years Resolutions
1. i resolve to get new socks.
2. i resolve to buy a new can opener.
3. i resolve to buy new gloves.
4. i resolve to work on my wardrobe.
5. i resolve to keep the weight off that i lost (90 lbs!!)
6. i resolve to allow myself the options to fall in love, once again.
8. i resolve to be more social.
9. i resolve to find a new apartment.
10. i resolve to recover number seven.


well, its a start. im sure in my drunken frenzy tonight, i will find another one or two resolutions to make.

hope you all have a safe new years, and blessings on the upcoming!!

...how you can learn to trust people less and less, every day.

is that what friends are for?!

i feel like the only genuine person out here and frankly, although vindicating, it leaves sad room for company. how am i supposed to find a roomate by june at this rate? personally, i don't think i would want to live with another human being ever again. humahns are not to be trusted.

self-serving, aggrandizing, manipulative, back-biting, drama-laden, heartbreaking, sad excuses for evolution. cancer is just a symptom of how the humahn race is exceeding its limitations in the natural way of things. an affront to divinity and progress, they wallow in their self-mutilating ways, defiling their higher selves for the current fix at hand. it only makes sense that their own bodies would turn against them, as a race, to begin that grand lemming-march toward extinction.

this is another day in which i could almost feel my apocalyptic form tear itself from my water and carbon casings. sometimes it feels like my back will break open and all the rage and disgust i feel at the world will pour out and consume it in the heat of my convictions.

what good is it to connect with anyone at this rate? what does anyone have to offer that i cannot readily produce on my own?

work. work is the only thing i have control over.

and now,

its the only thing im going to focus on. everything else is just distraction.

here is a little wishful thinking for the meantime:

anyone ever wake up so hard, it hurt? like your entire body trembles, just from the simple act of getting up in the morning? thats how i feel about now. really, painfully, tired.hopefully, i wont have to drive anywhere far away today- cause mr. sandman handed me a bag of bricks to carry this morning.

seriously painful awakening. more and more often every day.
im sure ill be fine by about 9am.

have a good morning, estrip.

i woke up this morning and my phone was unplugged. this must be the 4th or 5th time my cat, yoda, had knocked over the answering machine and pulled the cords out.

no more than 20 minutes after i plug the phone in and finish my shower, i get a call from my boss telling me that i didn't have that floating holiday i thought i used to take off the day after enknots party. that, and even tho i was told not to come in until tuesday, they had been trying to reach me all day to get me to go out to syracuse for a pickup. long story short- my boss is going to have to cut a sales meeting in rochester short, tomorrow, to do that pickup they needed today from syracuse. so he is picking me up from my apt at 6am, so i can go to pittsburgh to drop off some work we received from them for the weekend.

im trying to look dependable here, and even tho im sure little blame can be placed on me for the past two days of poor administrative planning, its hard not to feel like these people can feel vindicated about an image of ineptitude on my part.

man, I've only been awake for an hour at the most, and today is already rough. soon enough they will issue me a cell phone. i can only wonder how much excessive flack will be expected for me to address in the future. this makes me wonder if the almost 20% pay hike I've been promised is even worth it. I've been there three years and even tho i just received this double promotion, it just dosent seem enough, sometimes.

whats worse, is finding a job with my current is close to impossible. im hardly ever in the city during the workday- as im out of town doing deliveries... or when i am in town, i am too occupied with my duties to do anything other than my job.

originally i had planned on going to the dept of labor (unemployment), to see if they could look for jobs for me, since i wouldnt have much time to dedicate in my sometimes 14-hour-work-day to do so. now what am i supposed to do? im beginning to feel like im an indentured servant here. is this paranoia? can i get some advise or support here? work always seems to bring out the anxiety in me.

on another note, yes, i had a great time at enknots party. i wouldnt trade those memories (or lack thereov), for any amount of credit i would get at work for being a mind reader.