I just don't know what is going on with my mood lately. I'm not down, but actually in a bit of moment of angst I suppose.

With that I have this really guilty pleasure with that Rihanna song "Unfaithful." At first I just ignored it as a usual R&B Kiss 98.5/Wild 101 song. Then one day for some reason I just listen to the lyrics and thought "Holy Crap! This song is F'ed up in a cool dark way!" I have no clue who wrote it but I wouldn't be surprised if it is Brian Warner[Marylin Manson]

So fueling this mood I have just been purchasing alternative Hip Hop Cd's. First it was Atmosphere and now it's this (WIKIPEDIA - Sage Francis) Guy. Great, another influence on me based out of Rhode Island ;-) Do you know this guy ((e:jenks))?

So yea I'm getting into Fake Hip Hop artists based on alternative rock labels. All of these guys just remind me of (WIKIPEDIA - MC 900 Ft. Jesus) when I wsa a kid. He was on(WIKIPEDIA - Nettwerk) back in the day and now light years ahead of him time.

But, what a strange mood I am in for some reason.

I'm off to the Orange Cat to meet up with my old friend. It looks like she's going to be moving to Rochester soon so I better make the most of our time together.

So after last week and the recruitment drive I have been getting from my best college buddy to move to Arlington Va I came across this little list from Money/Cnn Basically if you look at this list you can see that Washington D.C. is the only non MEGA College town on that list. Yea D.C/NoVa has colleges but the biggest George Mason is a commuter school 19,000+ with very few dorms. So Yea why move to a Big 10 / Big 12 town where all of those singles are <22 yrs old? You don't see Chicago, LA, Philly, NYC on that list.

Last year when I went down there I never was hit on so much in my life from females. Ha Ha ;-) It makes me want to reconsider grad school this fall and take him up on his offer of his house for 3 months while I get myself situated.

So after the square I get a text message from someone I used to just be a F* buddy on occasion. Then I get a call from a co-worker wanting to "hook-up" before she goes off to the Chip Strip tonight. I didn't go through with it with either of those two.

I felt a bit bad after talking to me Ex today after she was informing me that she was going on a date tonight. The thoughts going through my head were, "Man I just should have done it!" I don't know I get propositioned but still I know deep down inside it would never work with any of the above long term. Yea I feel great in being wanted, but at the same time I feel so alone.

My one friend was right in giving me shit a couple of months ago when she basically said that i need to find someone that will give me that dropping down the first hill on a roller coaster feeling. Anyone else currently is just there and not too much else going on. I don't know if I just settle like some bad Death Cab for Cutie Song but with the E-Funk going around it is just another version of it I suppose.

On the funny side of things with all of that going on I did run into the one "friend" that gave me the passion speech. I ended up going to the Italian Fest to grab something to eat and just experience something since I have to work early A.M. Saturday and had to miss The Karma Police Show. She looked at me, gave a scared look and took off quickly with her girlfriend. I don't know what I am going to do. I have people around me but I'm so alone.

The kicker was as I was leaving the Italian Fest after saying goodbye to me friend Tom my phone rings. It's my Ex and she tells me that her date with this guy was a disaster. Yea on one level I felt vindicated but honestly we have to move along somehow sometime. So the entire 38 minute car ride back home was just us talking about our relationship and just analysing ourselves.

July is always a strange time of year for me. Last Year I think I looked and felt much better than I do now.








Then again I was on vacation exactly a year ago today.

Who knows what is going to happen with my life. Things are really uncertain right now. Just turn on any cable news channel. At least I took on part of my fears [crazy italian fest crowds, getting there, parking, eating the food] and survived. My lack of good game bums me out, but it is just a symptom of a bigger problem. Tackling that is the main goal.

In a bit selfish way I am a bit relieved to see that I am not the only one that is in a "Funk." At least I am not the only one that is going crazy. Now I don't feel so all alone.

Usually when I am in one I stay away from (e:strip) for the fear that my down emotion will be contagious and bring people down. That's why I have another blog in another place.

My Ex always said to me to find joy in really pointless stupid things.

So here is a pic I took last week when I was tearing up Allen and Delaware on Thursday:

Bubbles make me Happy!!!!



:-)

Well it's Thursday and it is the one day of the week where I feel like I am not wasting my summer and life.

So I am pretty pumped to catch the reincarnation of Jim Morrison tonight @ The Square






Jeff Martin




So I am going to be attempting to have a good time today. Not before I attempt to go drop off my laundry and stop by Target and look for the new Sage Francis CD.

I stopped by the Youngstown Coffee Company today with my Mom and ran into my neighbors/parents friends. It was descent and the Egg & Steak Bagel was pretty good. There is nothing like the laid back scenic village of Youngstown during working hours in the summer. Watching the kids ride to Jr. Sailing the old ladies trying to do something productive and the people that are retired or independently wealthy just sipping their coffee trying to have a really profound intelligent conversation with people that kind of listen.



If anyone is looking for something to do tomorrow night (FRI) my buddies are playing Mr. Goodbar. I most likely cannot attend since I have to work the next day @ 6:45am :-(

If you do go print this flier out, it is good for a free drink at least. If you are in the neighborhood and you have nothing else to do, and you're like the music of Radiohead check it out.







OK now I feel like a total whore, but it's for a free drink....