whoever 'you' are. on franklin/linwood and north there's a tiny park where the skateboarding punks do their grind hootchacallits and generally make a lot of racket or so some namelessentity must think, because a generic sign was put up, just a white background with plain black lettering that says NO SKATEBOARDING. (someone scribbled out the NO w black marker and wrote in yes, ha ha)
there's no city ordinance or penalty violation information on the sign, which leads me to believe it was put up by one of the neighboring businesses, one being a lawyer's firm, the other a dentist. you can't just do that though, it's a park.
the park is also used as a play area for elementary school children who go to the charter school on the same corner. on nice days, they'll all go outside and hoot and holler and play mother-may-i and such whatnot childlike games, but generally cause a ruckus for quiet type citydwellers such as myself, who just want to garden at 2pm. in peace. without the incessant screaming of children. what i need to do is find out who "owns" this park, if the yuppie ass charter school (for which yupass vehicles have made my parking situation bloody torturous) bought it "for the kids" i sure hope not, cause the minute that's negative i'm hanging my own sign that says NO EXCITED SCHOOLCHILDREN right next to the goddamned one about no skateboarding. bah fucking humbug, brats.

Envoie-moi un e-mail. i just remembered a dream i had, except i can't say for sure if it was a dream, or a tv program. this is especially grave given the nature of the dream:

a girl flops down face up on a bed, her face is covered with her hands, then she takes her hands away. she is in distress, and makes a wail like so. she's wondering 'what am i going to do?' but then, in the exact same bed (against a different wall of the room) lies the exact same girl, who starts telling her just what she's going to do, and nastily. she is quite diabolical, this one. the "camera" then flashes to a bunk above the first girl's bed (tv style: not seen previously so as to reveal excitingly) where lies the exact same girl, who agrees in a practical manner with the nasty one, and explains to the first girl that it's a sound plan. the first girl isn't disturbed, but the watcher is: to see the others in flesh is what makes it so.

i remember being surprised that there were three. i remember after the third one, the story cut off somehow, either by changing channel or commercial or another sleep cycle, which is fucked up that i can't say which. like a blackout or a fugue state. it seems too weird and personal (the girl looked a lot like claire danes, who i think i bear just a little bit resemblance to) to be tv, but i remember thinking that while watching it. in a dream, can you be the 'star' and be watching at the same time? and if it did happen in some tv reality induced state of my 'real life', whatthefuckwasthat?

could it be happieness? ha ha, this early on a sunday, no one has stars. i just had an unsatisfying meal of pig ass and chicken periods. happy sunday!!!

talked to my bro (the only one of 6 i'm close to, somehow i've really fucked up as a sister, or perhaps the problem is having brothers) about money, capitalism, bitterness, the ridiculousness of going to mars, etc. he is so bright i am a bit scared for him. he has a boatload of talent. he writes *really good* lyrics, poems, draws these amazing and fucked up pictures, and picked up bass like a paperclip on the floor. but, and i told him this, at 16 he has the fine tang of bitterness of a 70 year old who worked in a factory for 50 and got a pocketwatch for his retirement. he's bright in a way that could burn out really quick, because hatred and bitterness and resentment about the way the world works only gets you so far. it's strange for me, having thought and felt some of the same ways as he does, but now looking back and seeing what "work" "responsibility" "maturity" the "real world" have done to all those ideas/ideals. makes me feel like a sellout, stripped of some former youthful idealistic passion. but for things, for life, sad but true, the do re mi is necessary. he hasn't gotten a job yet, and knows he already hates it. but i am glad he's not asleep in some hilfiger haze, hanging out at the mall (yeahsaralet'sburnitbytheway) and saying 'sup all the time. HE THINKS, BY JOB! HIS HEART BLEEDS, GODDAMNIT!





secondhand heels cause falls on ice
a program might catch you
stretching gently and harmlesslike
you the star in the grid
of some one sky or another

not today.
you think: i fucking need new boots


like i said, manic. is this your homework larry. larry is this your fucking homework. is this your fucking HOMEwork larry.

i mean pure rage. like when a lid won't screw off or a shoelace won't go through the hole and you try and try and it just won't? what do you do when that happens? i think responses to that situation are hilarious, so let me know.

i am getting strangely paranoid about things i never ever would have imagined i would have before. something in my brita? (HA) ohthatwassuchabadjoket... but, there it is. such as the creeping certainty that the "good" beef, "good" eggs etc i buy, priced, what, 30 or so % higher than the "bad", are just the same as all the other shit, and the corporate viejos are all having a huge laugh at dupes such as me "sensitive" about where my food comes from.
also, to help out a friend i submitted to a demo of a vacuum drunk on its own power, and was abhorred to the point of near vomit at the shit this thing pulled up from my carpet/couch/ceiling/mattress. now i don't like a scummy ass house or anything, but neither am i a freak about the things i can't see. but this thing made me all afraid of the shit i *might be* breathing in, and all the dust mites and dust motes, eating and shitting and breeding everywhere, all over everything in the house. cost of the vaccum? oh, just $1500. (hmm, travel just about *anywhere,* or buy this vacuum? haha) paranoia will cost you, i guess.
there are other little examples, but why count when i just know it ain't right. i don't think it's me, i definitely suspect the world and all its bling flash whirr is up to its dirty tricks all the time, but of course what does that sound like?