I was excited to go to work today.

I had taken a couple of days off to prepare for and recover from, the party. I had only thought of having a party officially just a few days prior, therefore it left me with no time to shop, cook or get anything ready for guests. I have classes on Wednesday and Thursday, so that had left me with Friday evening and Saturday. Most of my parties are last minute and I can accommodate my whims just fine, but I felt I needed the extra time, and since I have a butt load of paid time off to use, I figured I would go for it. I also had family coming in and a mid term exam to prepare for. So with that, I had taken off Friday and Monday. Very nice..

I had been feeling blah about my position for some time now, but as of recently I have a freshened outlook on it. I do not know where this turn of perspective came from, but I am rolling with it, although a bit cautiously. I am not sure what the future hold for me there, but I should try to stick it out until I graduate next August with my masters.

I am open to anything...

I applied for a position that just opened up. I had people approach me all last week, inquiring as to whether I knew about it and whether I would go for it. It would be a promotion. I debated on whether to do it, then after speaking with a coworker/friend that I highly respect and after going into ranting details with (e:pyrcedgrrl), I just went ahead and applied without looking back. we'll see..

I have also had the opportunity for people who know me, extend offers of employment in the fields they work in. I am humbled over their high regard for me. It is always appreciated.

However, I want to make a calculated move. Not just jump into something just because it offers a few extra bucks. Intrinsic factors such as ability to balance lifestyle, use creative energy, tackle challenges, feel good about my job and excitement is more important to me than the extrinsic factors, such as the amount of the paycheck, although it certainly does not hurt.

To reinforce this, I pared down on some of my expenses. I dropped my digital cable. Actually, I dropped my cable altogether for the time being. Now I can catch up on renting movies that I have yet to see; I figured this will still be less expensive than a monthly bill, besides I can borrow movies from friends :)



This feels so junior high, and I might erase this before I publish it, at best I will get some clarification at worst it will add words to the 2 million mark, but here it goes. I don't often write or talk about relationship stuff but let me run something by the wonderful and intelligent people within e-strip. I find myself in the following situation frequently enough that I am bit perplexed.

How do you tell someone that you are not interested in them, other than friends? Everytime we hang out it is under the context of a friendly get together. But one day, he took my hand to hold and I internally spazzed out. I held it together for a few blocks to see if I would relax, but that just didn't happen. I am a bit emotionally skittish and I felt that my emotional space was suddenly closing in. Since then I have been a little reticent on getting together like we had been. Now, at no time had I thought I was acting or saying things that should have led to the belief that i am interested. I know I can be forward, but believe me, if I am interested, I will let you know. And it doesn't happen that often..or it takes awhile (funny thing I am kinda shy too). It isn't something I actively seek.
Now if it was a matter of physical attraction/lust whatever, that is an entirely different story. ahh, theeCarey's lacivious post.

So anyhow, nine out of ten times this is the case. The tenth time is when the situation is that I am interested and they are not. But that's how it goes.. maybe its karma, maybe i am just an a**hole.

I hate to find out that I have hurt someones feelings, I hate when people are mad, and I really hate it when they retaliate. or engage in stalk-like behavior.

This time I think I need to try a different approach, figure out what create this situation and then start doing something about it. I am all about owning up to my jack ass tendencies.

publish? erase? ..

If anyone missed how Devil Cakes™ came to be.. here is the process in its entirety, rather than following inks.

In a freedom chat session, (e:theecarey), (e:leetee), (e:ladycroft), (e:pyrcedgrrl), and (e:mike) had been discussing whether I should have a birthday cake. (e:pyrcedgrrl) stated that she has that taken care of (see previous post of dirty kitty litter cake). (e:ladycroft) wanted to contribute her cone cakes, yet (e:mike) was adament against it.
(e:pyrcedgrrl) also had a bit of fun with using churchsigngenerator.com to create some silly signs pertaining to my party, the cone cakes and the brotherly bonding with cone cakes.

And so the story goes..

• edited (read: truncated and put in order) freedom chat explaining the signs. :D

ladycroft 00:11: ladycroft makes world famous cone cakes
theecarey 00:12: hmm lets have cone cakes too then,
ladycroft 00:12: people pay a dollar a piece for those bad boys
ladycroft 00:12: i was a bake sale money making machine at tamu-cc
leetee 00:12: cone cakes? ok... sound good to me
ladycroft 00:12: since i didn't make them for my birthday and all...i can let you have the honors
ladycroft 00:13: basically it's a cupcake inside an icecream cone
mike 00:15: ooh cone cakes are so gross
mike 00:15: everyone used to love them but me and my friend marykate always despised them
theecarey 00:15: hey mike!
leetee 00:16: i have never had a cone cake. i have lived a sheltered life
ladycroft 00:17: cone cakes are not gross!!
mike 00:17: um i'm sorry cone cakes are the devil
pyrcedgrrl 00:17: what the heck is a cone cake?
leetee 00:18: devil cakes... yyyummmmmmm
--posted by pyrcedgrrl @ 01:08:13 on 09/14/05





Then at the party, not sure how the real story goes, but (e:paul) and (e:mike) battled each other in a Devil Cake ™ attack, which encouraged another sign created by (e:pyrcedgrrl). Oh the gore! Confetti frosting and cake guts slewn everywhere. I though I did a nice job of cleaning the boys up ;)













and one I couldn't resist adding, as it had me in yet another fit of giggles:

[search]typeHere[/search]The Great 30th Tiki Birthday Party was hilarious and filling!

At various points in the night there were approximately thirty people. I am thrilled that (e:leetee), (e:uncutsaniflush), (e:paul), (e:matthew), (e:mike), (e:lilho), (e:drchlorine) and (e:Alison) joined in on the celebration. Thank you all for coming 

Rarely one to plan, this soiree could not have kicked off as well as it did without the generous help of my close pals, (e:pyrcedgrrl), (e:ladycroft), lynn and my mother. The combined efforts of all lent to these various tasks: tackling the challenge of fixing and securing the windblown canapy ("come on, just make it one more day!"), shopping for food, drinks, making yummy dishes (we had choices from vegan to carnivore), setting up tent Huts along with other incidental adventures along the way. Early guests joined in the decorating of the infamous Garage Discotheque: lights, balloons and streamers strewn about like toilet paper, nice job!

(e:pyrcedgrrl) and I have been friends for well over twenty years. This long term friendship has provided us the unique love and affection that can only be best exemplified by teasing and tormenting the hell out of each other every chance we get. The best and meanest acts of affection come during those tender few weeks just before my birthday and just after, when it is her birthday, October 13. During these times we plot.

You can't pull off a gag gift like this with out knowing your target (which would be me):
(E:pyrcedgrrl) has been engaging in random fits of evil giggles for one week. I knew to accept her birthday gift to me with apprehension and horror.

I am handed a box.

Inside a sign reads:
"Billy Bob's Patented, As Seen on TV: "GETTING SOME 10 Step Plan".. guaranteed to get you some.. or your money back!

((Guaranteed?? nice))

Step One- Inspiration: "Sex Everyday in Everyway 2006 calendar

Step Two- Instructions: "Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex" (I think it had something in there about broken nose.. hmm.. )

Step Three- Always Look Your Best: This little box contained a container of travel deodorant, travel mouthwash, extra strength hair removal crème for face, and a bottle of feminine douche. (I hadn't a clue)

Step Four- Find a "Willing" Partner: a container of Grow a Dork (just add water), a fat cucumber, and a Rite Aid prescription bottle with a label made out to Carey, by Dr. Feelgood for Rohypnol. It provided indications and warnings then in bold print, "for date rape use only".
Step five- Set the Mood: a sensually ambient CD; what other than, early 90's hair band, Warrant. Plus a pleasant little tea light and matches.

Step Six- Add Some Spice: A mint tingle condom, cinnamon after hours massage oil, and...nipple clamps.

Step Seven- Play it Safe: A giant strip of condoms and a pair of rubber gloves.

Step Eight- Keep Energy Levels Up: Government issued raisins and a Chocolate Power bar.

Step Nine- Clean Up: Tissues, moist towelettes and a brillo pad. Yes, brillo pad.

Step Ten- The Morning After: two packs of English Breakfast tea, a pack of Orbit gum, and two name tags. One tag has the direction on the back which reads, "in case of good sex, peel here" which would then say, "Hello, my name is Carey". Name tag number two comes with the direction on the back that states, "In case of bad sex, peel here", which then says, "Hi my name is Melissa". A home pregnancy test and a package of mysterious green pills labeled, "RU486" wraps up this delightful gift.

Follow these 10 steps and I am sure to be gettin' some LOL

OK, drum roll please.. Pictures!!

Another creation by (e:pyrcedgrrl), the Dirty Kitty Litter Cake. Imagine my surprise when I took the tin foil off of the container and was expecting a tradition cake. Serve with Pooper Scooper, what else?!

The funny thing about growing up on your own is that you learn independence from a young age. While generally a positive attribute, it can have a negative impact when it comes to relating to people on a personal level; hence my emotionally reserved and self-sufficient nature. This is a by product of viewing many horrors as child, having people leave and fending for myself in many areas of life. Although this could sound like a caveat to a life story of dissonance and the makings of a lifetime movie, it is more about awareness, appreciation and the perpetual desire to live each day with quality and excitement.

When you are estranged from most of your family, you learn to not talk about them and eventually redefine who and what family is. I cherish my friends and although I do not always demonstrate that sentiment, I consider them my ‘family’.

My sister and I experienced many of the same ordeals during our formative years. How each of us dealt with these issues lent to significantly different lifestyles and perspectives, and eventually our estrangement. I use experience and mistakes as fuel for learning and direction. I will not give in, give up or sit life out when it goes bad. I seek no entitlement or source of blame. My choices, how I deal with things belong to me. My sense of humor and the ability to find the positive in a situation, albeit a bit warped, vulgar and twisted, are some of my best tools in dealing with life.

I have gone many years without so much thought of the family that is scattered throughout the planet. I haven’t seen nor heard from my father in sixteen years, my sister in over two, and the list goes on. It has never been a surface issue, as I focus on the future and rarely dwell on situations I cannot control.

However, a new friend had engaged me in a conversation about family. Most topics are open territory with me, and while this seemed foreign, I felt no major discomfort. We had realized that our lives have many parallels, which led us to talking about family. He had just reunited with his mother and father after many years of zero communication. I thought this was fascinating and had many questions. The idea of reconnecting with some of my family did not seem an immediate possibility but perhaps an eventuality, after I did some research on where they might be. Later that night I logged onto the computer, as we wanted to check something on Map Quest. I also checked my email and found an email from a person that had a vaguely familiar name; usmc67. In opening the email, I was astonished to see that it was from my father. How freaking weird that was. I had not talked about him in many years, and just moments prior had engaged in an in depth discussion about him. I was more weirded out over this than actually receiving the email from him.

And so, in these past three months we have been regularly emailing each other and it is a bit surreal. Today I woke to an inbox of a ton of email from friends and.. family. My father, an architect and web designer, put together a birthday website with pictures of me, along with birthday designs and included a guestbook for people to sign. Apparently he has been compiling a family tree and has sent been in contact with numerous family members. I had people send me messages that I had never knew existed, a few I haven’t seen since I was a child and even one from my sister. I am really not sure how to feel, but it isn’t a bad feeling. But this is was perpetuated this post.

Its been quite a year with gaining entrance and since starting my graduate program, making a slew of new contacts and friends, learning to experience more from an emotional standpoint (but I am still quite skittish) and just being more aware and compassionate.



Alas, I must end this, more on this topic later. Timika just walked in the door, my friend Lynn is here, I am sure my mom, niece and step dad are sure to follow.

I will resume more thoughtful and reflective posts in the near future, as returning from vacation, getting back into the work schedule, and engaging in all this party business has left me with minimal mental energy. So on that note:

Yes, it is true, I am celebrating my birthday and so, mark your calenders because on Saturday September 17th at my apartment, a fabulous affair is in order.
(e:ladycroft) [inlink]ladycroft,67[/inlink] has already provided a heads up on this festivity. I believe directions have been included.

The low down:
1. Get in a car and enjoy the scenic half hour drive. (e:alison) had a brilliant idea of a bunch of you carpooking. [inlink]alison,70[/inlink] Go for it!

2. Dress in layers, as it will be a gorgeous 70 degree day, but the night will be cool, which brings us to the..

3. Bonfire! I have a yard, plenty of parking and lots of room to move. When was the last time you had an authentic over the fire S'more? yum.

4. Plenty of spots to squat.. fun for all but safety too. Bring a pillow :)

5. A luau, Tiki theme. Although planned for a mid freeze-your-ass off winter party, I bought into the idea for my Birthday instead. Think torches, semi tacky decorations, huts (tents), Hawaiin Punch ;) and ...

6. Food. All kinds and lots of it. Come hungry or come for just munchies.

7. A spot will be arranged for dancing, jumping around and howling.

8. The doors officially open at 6:00 PM, but come earlier or later.. just come! No excuses!!

It would be fabulous to chill with everyone from (e:strip) in my neck of the woods. Mix in a few more friends, classmates, coworkers and we have a very cool gathering for my 30th.


P.S. Should I have cake?

I am open to all ideas and suggestions