She was invading my thoughts this morning as I lie semiconscious after sleep. I rode the Autobus and remembered what it was like to travel through a downtown that had no cars. Of course we abused the system half the time, which made it more dangerous. Danger is not always a bad thing though. One time I kotzte on the bus, I don't think the Führer noticed though. One time I ran away from my friends for no apparent reason and then returned home later to lock myself in the bathroom where I was found lying at the bottom of the shower. I used to wander a lot. About the town and surrounding countryside. Our town was small, you needed only to go a halfmile in the right direction to be away. I found a glen. It became my private getaway spot. I made a hollow in the ground which I could disguise by pulling the long grass over. I made an Indian. He was natural. Except for his weapon. He had a rock for a brain, but was imbued with my lifeforce. He was precognizant. Or maybe connected with another faraway life force. He reacted once or twice. He remains in Deutschland (so far as I know). I wonder if he's still connected or if it fades with time. I hope he's not too dusty. Those were free and carefree (and I must admit workfree) days. Leisure up the kazoo. I used to run and bike. I had a ridiculous headpiece for earphones. Everyone laughed at me (mostly to themselves). It was fun being foreign. Exotic even. Maybe not quite that far. Until I opened my mouth you couldn't really tell. There was a See. You went there, schwimmen, sonne-baden. The whole time nackt wie ein Baby. I must stop, the reminiscing is too much for me. Makes me miss what's faraway right now. Spring will help. It always does.

we went for a walk. The weather is achangin. Who knows how long for. Enjoy it while we can, sall we can do. Friends come over after crazy enticers, making us do the crazy too, not soo crazy though. Ima gonna have fun and take a minute to take in some good old fashioned sun. Didn't mean to sound like Sheryl Crow. Sorry for that. Tshcüssi.

I'm reading Understanding Power: The Indispensible Chomsky. Basically a primer and compilation of the ideas and essays of Noam Chomsky. From the Sandinistas to Israel to thoughts on sports and socialism it spans a lifetime of hardcore political thinking. He's so extreme and so cool and so right. My favorite excerpt so far: a woman asks Noam if he's seen a Barbara Walters special about the organ trade in Nicaragua, Noam repiles, "Well, by definition, no." Snooty and self-righteous, maybe, but something that I myself might say indeed. It's a good thing to read because it kind of sums up a lot of his ideas without getting too tedious. I tried to read Manafacturing Consent, but only got about halfway through; it's simply too boring, focusing on specific case-examples of how our media fits into a so-called "propaganda model." I totally agree with the explanation and see it everyday I log onto google news, but I couldn't sit through the boring statistics. Maybe I'll finish it yet. I kinda want the synopsis though. And that's exactly why this book is great, it gives the basic terms and doesn't go into specific detail (though there're copious footnotes provided on a separate internet site for those who wish these details).

We come now to my problem. I believe almost 100% of what dear Noam is saying, but find my acceptance a bit suspect. Am I not falling into Noam's propaganda model? I simply can't make myself check his facts. He's a super-genius who's spent 50 years gathering his data, how could I (even if I had the willpower and stamina) test his data? I somehow don't think I'm being lied to though. It all makes too much sense, it fits into the exact mould that the Bush administration is now occupying. I see/hear/read the propaganda everyday. It's becoming more and more obvious. I can't decide if I've become attuned or if our current administration is so egoistic that it doesn't even bother to try very hard. A perfect example is our vice-president. We seem to have no problem that his (former?) company is being formally investigated by the DOJ for overcharging the government (ie: you and me sorry taxpayers) and being granted multi-million dollar Iraq reconstruction contracts at the same time. Does no one see how ridiculous this is? Does no one see that this should be at least questioned? This example and many others lead me to trust what Chomsky says. Why shouldn't I, when everything in my own experience agrees so completely?

Chomsky at one point in the book is asked (it's a series of lectures/Q&As) if he votes. He replies that he votes if he thinks it will make a difference one way or the other. And, especially because it's somewhat of a hot-topic on the site now) I sorta agree with him. In our current example, we have Bush vs. a democrat (most likely Kerry, or Edwards, or some combination). And while I want Bush gone with heart and soul, it is very disheartening to have no "real" candidate to vote for. The quotations around real mean that there are candidates who I feel share many of my concerns and priorites: Kucinich, Mosley-Braun, Nader. They have all been so marginalized by our system and by the media as to be virtually non-existant. That is so fucking wrong. This is supposed to be a democracy. Yet every candidate who has even an inkling of my views is so intentionally marginalized that they fall right off the politcal map. And, you tell me I should vote for the lesser-of-two-evils. I don't want any evil though. A little evil? A big evil? WTF, mates? We're caught in a cycle of hardcore Republican (Reagan/Bush) to centrist "Democrat" (Clinton) to hardercore Republican (Bush) to centrister "Democrat" (Kerry/Edwards), I don't see it ending anywhere besides Facism. These are not real choices. These are margarine or butter when I want olive oil. I guess I want Revolution. I don't believe in the system. I don't believe in capitalist democracy, it's an oxymoron. As long as real power lies in the hands o
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rporations instead of politicians there can be no meaningful change (by and large we don't even debate possible alternatives). So, I don't believe in change through the system, and challenge anyone to find a single instance of meaningful substantive change that has come only through the system. So, yes, maybe I'll vote, but I won't like it and won't be satisfied. I'll probably vote for Nader and you can all come burn my house down when fucking Kerry doesn't win. Nananana-boo-boo.

I was on a radio show today. It was kind of impromptu, theresa came last night at like 11:30, but pretty neat. Wish I would have known about it earlier so I could have told someone to listen. Theresa had a guest that cancelled so needed an idea for a show and we thought we should talk about the proposed Bush amendment and the gay marriage movement in the country. I was in charge of most of the facts. The internet has made it so easy to get ahold of information, it's just great. I woke up at 8:00 and by 9:00 had most of the facts I needed. Thank you google. I really like the medium. It is nice. I think I did a pretty good job too. Makes me almost want to start some kind of show myself. Problem is, I think there's enough talk about the global world in general, and would like to talk about things that matter here. I think that would require more work though. Google won't have our local policies. I would have to actually do some reporting and such. Maybe that would be fun and motivating. Probably it would be demoralizing and depressing like everything else. I like feeling like I am doing something but can't escape my thoughts that it doesn't matter in the long run. Maybe the long run doesn't matter so much though, and if it makes me happy now that's what is important. I always fear being old, looking back, and thinking that my time was wasted on ideals that never went anywhere. But, maybe, as is the case now, I should only be worried that looking back will show no effort on my part. Who knows. To me it is fun to do the research and find the truth. That should make it worthwhile. Wow, rants. Yeah.

Open Debates.org is trying to wrest control of the presidential debate process from the Commission on Presidential Debates . This company (and yes, it's a non-profit company vested with this responsibility, not a governmental agency) has had complete control over the pres. debates since 1988 when the National Democratic and Republican National Parties seized control from the League of Women Voters. Basically, a corporation controlled by the two parties runs the debates; it's no wonder then that the debates frequently (almost always) feature only the two-party candidates, leaving third-parties and independents without a public forum for debate.

Sign the petition if you "believe that the presidential debates should serve the American people first, not political parties. We support replacing the bipartisan Commission on Presidential Debates with the nonpartisan Citizens' Debate Commission..."