ah go figure . . . y'all play my favorite game and I'm not there.

Tell me there will be a rematch. My bods not exactly well, it's all marked up and shit, so I suppose I need to attempt to really know how to play. Of course there is the strategy of losing on purpose which I know a lot of you peeps play with.

Oh look at that innuendo . . . in't that special.

I knew it was going to happen. So when it did I wasn't at all surprised.

The full moon came and went with nothing out of the ordinary happening to me. This is absurd because I'm a firm believer that people change when the moon is full - very werewolf. BUt alas nothing happened, and I know why. Because I wanted it to.

This leads me to my night and the head shaking that I'm doing now. I knew I would see someone tonight at my favorite think tank. It was going well and I was encouraged because no one cared what I was doing and I obviously was so engrossed in inner-turmoil and self-loathing that I seemed to be a touch unapproachable. I like that. But no, the one person I didn't feel like seeing, walks in half way through my drink. Shit, I think. Just deal with it. I'm thinking some of my epeeps would be hangin around, ready to dicuss life over 2 ounces of whiskey, but hey, tonight was just not the night. Good thing too, I wasn't too sociable.

The odd thing here is that I knew I would see someone that I didn't feel like talking to. I just knew it would happen. It's not a stretch, I mean this town is on the small side. But it happened. If I could only utilize this power, or learn to harness it, I would avoid and probably miss a lot of situations. Good for everyone.

But I left. I just felt like it, besides I did not go in prepared. I wanted to take a night off anyway. So for the first time in a long time, I did not take a pen. It worked out well, but here I am, writing again. For who though? For you? Maybe. For me, yes. I hope so. I was talking with a friend of mine tonight and I told him that I see similarities in me and the artists I like and the people I read. He mention that I've put myself on a pedistal. I replied, why not? If you don't no one else will, besides, I want to change the world, I'm not just hanging out here, and you should to.

What?

Change the world.

I miss my girlfriend, sorry what were you saying?

And I am bored with many things, but I want to be bored about something I can't help, not someone who wants to talk about absolutely nothing relevant. Hey it happens. So in essence, I'm therefore doomed to constant dissection of the structure of my being in hopes that I will trip over a small clue as what the hell will happen. But as they say, "The one gift which I'd adore, unwrap a package of the next 10 years unfolding. But you told me if I had my way, I'd be bored." Yes, maybe I would be, but then, there is such respite in boredom sometimes.

I've resigned to feel the way I feel about many other things - do what comes naturally. Trouble is, even the most absurd situation is so incredibly natural to me. Place your bets my friends.

um . . . what?

Paul, I think I'm with you. What does that quote mean. Of course it is bright and early and I did have the moxie to drag my ass out of bed at this bewitching hour so I might still be sleeping, but, well, uh yeah . . . who's Keith?

And why would you ever leave a porn site to come here, no pun intended. "To write about the lake," Thoreau said, "You must go to the lake."

You don't go to a country road.

That makes sense to me at least.

What a strange quote.

In the midst of my turmoil and stress of completing projects, papers, and novels, I get a call from a friend of mine who happens to be bored.

What, I said. How could you possibly be bored?

Well my girlfriend is gone this week and . . .

Good God. But wait, I remember how it was. You get sad, you can't wait for them to return, and you're even a bit depressed. But then you realize that it's your choice, your dilemma that is. See what then happened to me, about this time, was I would flip out at the fact that I had lost myself and the relationship would shit the bed. BUt again, I brought that upon myself.

So okay, we talked and then he mentioned that this town is only good for families . . . or if you have a girlfriend.

(sigh) I swear, the more I talk to people the more I realize that I am made up of different stuff. I just don't get how people can settle. Think about it, what he said was that this town is only cool if you have a girlfriend (since the family thing is out of the running right now). Well then, all I have to do is get one then right, then everything will be cool. NO. NO. NO. OKay, I'm not anti-girlfriend, but Jesus if this person is the difference between this town being cool or uncool, I will remain as such because with the exception of the lack of mountains, Buffalo is the same as any other town! It's no New York, or Boston, because it's Buffalo for shit sake! You want those places, go ahead! Apparently, you don't NEED a girlfriend in those towns to keep them cool so there's a plus. I love them too, but I'm just sick and fucking tired of people complaining about somewhere. Leave then! Hell I'm thinking about it. I have one more year of school left and then who knows? BUt damn if I'm gonna mope for the next year. That's just a waste.

So I suppose I envy people who are not single simply because Buffalo has got to be amazing from their point of view.

God, that makes me want to run right out and get a bunch of girlfriends because then, maybe Buffalo would be a great as New York?

This could be a good experiment.

Well thank you Paul. That program kicked some stuff off of my Cybrognator drivatron (I think that's what it's called), so that's great. It's all okay and I can now work . . . for now.

SO, I have a lot to do including the whole cleaning apartment thing. Really people, how important is it for our mentality? And really, who wants to do this for me? It only pertains to folding clothes, which I loathe doing.

I'm really close to getting another tattoo because I have to go in anyway for a touch up. It'll be small, but am I doing the eating because I'm bored thing?

So I have everything to do today and I don't want to start. So I will watch a movie. Anyone feel like getting a drink tonight? No that's bad, but seriously . . . I've had a rough couple of days.

My arms feel like they are going to bust out of my skin because of the ride yesterday. I need drugs, or again, a drink.

Yeah okay, gotta go. Thanks again Paul.

Oh and by the way, speaking of clothes Lilho, I was naked the entire time I wrote this HA-HA! And y'all didn't even know . . . Oh shit the door