It's been strange that I can't sleep straight more than 6 hours. So, I unexpectedly became a morning person these days. Well, I kind of want this my body awaking condition, and hope it can keep going at least for more than couple weeks. Then, I can enjoy smelling the fragrant morning, and hanging around the quietness of the morning for the time being. These feelings are quite different from the feelings of the night. I can just describe these as a metaphor example, the quietness of the morning is like tranquil.. but the quietness of the night is like seclusive. Okay! need a morning coffee now.

I told Alan last night that I'm not critical and cynical anymore. Well, I want to try not to be like that. Just try to think every art is beautiful. Everything is good. Just appreciate the way how it is.. what do you say..? Alan smiled and said.. "Good!"

I want to be in the start line for the marathon again. Doesn't matter the theoretical issues in art. Just do work again. I think that's what I need it again. Sounds good..? Okay! I'm ready.

I'm being lazy too much.. I should get off this line very soon. Well, the weather doesn't make me productive and I'm very far away from art making these days.
Then, realized I should not run into **** *****, one of media professors. I have to edit his show documentary. I promised him to give it to him in the beginning of this semester. Oh well.

An old man pulled over his car for me when I was about to leave for school. He asked me if I fixed my windshield wiper. He saw that I was trying to move the wiper with (e:Paul) and (e:Terry) yesterday. Yea, it's broken, the one for drive side. I took (e:Paul)'s advice and stopped by Pep-boys yesterday. But they said.. just look at it is 36 bucks. So I kept asking the guy there.. "just look at it.. 36 bucks?" and he kept answering me.. "Yes.. just look at it .. 36 bucks" Then, finally I told him.. "it's very expensive". He said.. "yes.. it is expensive" But, I told him "I will try it in another mechanic". Don't you think it's expensive to look at the problem.. I don't like Pep-boys. So, this old man recommended me to go to dealer shop to get a fixed. I think I should try it. How nice he is.. good neighbor..

I went to school for the electronic art show. It was a good show although I broke Chris Barr's hug mechine (but he fixed it).. He said he designed it for me because it has pink color on it. Oh well, there is a story about that. I had teasing him once because of the pink color. He thinks pink color is pretty and I think pink color is girlish. So, we had teasing each other at the old pink.. funny.. isn't it..? (but, Chris.. your hug mechine doesn't hug me enough.. so sad.. )

Okay... I should edit the video for **** ***** before running into him at school. I can't run away from him... I bet he would give me the evil eyes if I didn't finish it. Oh.. I'm scared because I haven't done anything at all during the break.. gotta work.. but there is another life without artmaking.. Can I just forget about making art for a while..?

I wrote how to be productive.. but I lost it again. It has happened to me third times, and it just made me not productive. (e:Paul), I think this site has been little unstable for some reason.

I wrote.. "Nothing", he wrote me back, "Nothing".......

School is starting tomorrow, and I have to figure something out in the morning. I'm not taking any class for this semester. Well, I could take one, maybe.. seminar course again in art side. All I have to do for this semester is doing my thesis. I decided to finish up everything by next Feb. So, one year I have time to finish up my thesis. I told him like that. He said.. "why did you do that?" I just want to take a time. I don't want to get stressed out too much. I don't want to run around too much. I go crazy for my work easily and get really stressed out. Maybe I need it again. Maybe not or I will enjoy travelling sometimes. Trying to find out a job. I miss working in company. I miss having conversation with my co-workers at bar after work. I don't know what I want after graduating.. going back to industrial world.. or staying in school to teach. Be an artist..?

Life is short. I'm afraid that I lost feelings of being attracted to men. I'm not naive or innocent anymore. I know things very well and I'm not curious anymore. I'm not sad anymore. I'm not angry anymore. I'm not happy anymore. So, I'm worried if less of my life is like that all the time. Ah, life is short.

I'm reading a book called dictionary of Critical Theory for these days. I think Freud left too much complicated words. It's good to re-organizing things though.

I think I miss having conversation with Ivan at coffee shop although I get annoyed by him sometimes. But, I know I can drive him crazy as well. He emailed me with his baby while I was in Korea. He is Father right now. Yea,, I think he needs to grow up that way.

I will be there to figure things out.. running around.. going crazy.. driving people crazy... maybe.... I'm thinking of coming to visit my youngest sister in London sometime in May. I will be there anyway..

Is she cute..? She is performing an extream little girl for me here at my room.
It's 6 AM in the morning.... How sweet is that..