So, I came back to Buffalo last night and Alan and Anna picked me up at the train station. Traveling with train in this country needs little your patients, otherwise you can get bored or tired. But, I liked it a lot. The railroad follows Hudson river from the Croton-Harmon to Albany which represents so beautiful senery that gives you heart-meditated. I want to go treveling there again and get off each station, stay one or two night at a cheap safe country-style hotel. Also, have good music collection with me, without having music it doesn't make me feel romantic or meditated. I regrated that I didn't bring my video camera on this trip. Actually I was thinking that I don't deserve to be a video artist. Many successful artists always carry their stuff everywhere they go. Well, I got a lot of things come up about my work while sitting in the train cafeteria. I like the cafeteria on the train a lot. The windows widely opened that can capture your eyes on outside passing senery. I drew some stuff from passing images - I haven't drown for a long time.- and I wrote some my impressions.

"Romantic feelings are from human meditated nature."

Well, I told Alan about this on the way school this morning, he gave me funny eyes and told me "That's in general".. Right, that's in general. Oh well,..

It's weird back to Buffalo because weather is totally different from Stamford and New York. Of course, it's chilly here and little cold too. I don't know which weather I like. I like Buffalo weather better than too hot weather. But, it makes me feel gloomy and depressed again. It's dark.. My room needs lifting on light all the time. Craig's house doesn't need. I miss his house coming natural light from the all windows. I miss Craig too. Well, I miss his companionship. He is my family in this country. Sometimes we are like cat and dog, but he is the one close to my heart as a friend.

He called me while Alan and I having a coffee after picking me up. Of course, he told me at the station like "Don't trust anybody on the train. Don't leave your bag from you, Make sure Alan picks me up on time, blur, blur" Oh well, I think he is my dad. No, no, no .. He is younger then me.. So, when he called me, I said, "Craig, I made a mistake to get off the train, I'm not in Buffalo." He sounded very surprise.. and telling me "where are you? can you see any sign?" Hey.. boy.. I'm a 33 years old woman, I know things. I wish I could tell him like that.. But,, "I'm kidding" Oh well.. I miss him already. I miss him caring me. I don't know when I'm gonna see him again. I talked to him on the phone tonight. He asked me.. "how's buffalo?" So I told him.."it's so cold and got depressed again" He said.."you never be happy with weather.. too hot, too cold" and it reminds me my old man in Korea. He said same thing as what Craig said to me. I never be happy with weather. Oh well..

I asked Alan and Anna.. "Am I close to your heart as a friend?" Anna said and laughed.."No, you are too far from the heart" God damn it..

Oh well... I need to go to my cave soon..

Hey.. Robin..

Have a lot of fun there. I will be back to Buffalo tomorrow night around 9:30 issue. Oh well, I will see you in a week then.

I've realized that Craig grew up a lot. I met him about 5 years ago. At the time, I thought that he was such a good college student knew how to respect Asian culture and had a lot of intesting in Asian culture and society. Well, his ex-girlfriend was a Korean. They met in Germany while studying there as an exchange student. I remember that he called me "Nu-Na" at our first meeting. "Nu-Na" means a respectable call from young boys to older girls in Korea. Well, actually I didn't get impressed anything like that by him at the time. I felt rather that a little white boy was just curious about Asian girls. He helped me out a lot when I got in Buffalo for the first time. He showed me around Buffalo and bars.. school. But, still I felt he was a young boy, even I didn't think that he was my friend whatsoever. Well, I wasn't ready to understand American culture at the time because we usually don't call young people as our friends. And, I just came from business field. So, my attitude towards him was more like superior.

I visit him once or twice in a year after he left Buffalo. He got a very good job offering in Baltimore 5 or 4 years ago. Sooner after, he bought a house and started living with his girlfriend who is a chinese. But, still he was a little boy I thought. Then, he came to visit me last year after breaking up more then 5 years long-term relationship with his girlfriend. I felt really sad for him. I knew him very well and I knew he got so much hurt. Well, he is still hurt. Still, he was a boy.

I've been staying in his house and realized that he is not a boy I used to know. He became a man. Well, I should say that he is a business man who knows about dealing with people. His life seems like yuppy life-style that he doesn't agree with me. He said long long time ago that my life-style was yuppy style in Korea and added that I was spoiled when he saw me for the first time. I don't mean he is spoiled but he is definetely not a poor student. Me, I became a poor student. I don't know.

Actually we argured last night that caused me not to talk to him, but I'm staying in his house, my old friend's house. I told him that I miss his friendship. Well, somehow we care of each other a lot as friendship. But, I see how different he was used to be. Me..? probably same way he changed. complicated.

I was little paranoid Craig coming home late again. I remembered, he was saying to me he would be late because he has a soccer game with co-workers after work when I was sleeping this morning. But, I was very cold to him and wouldn't response anything to him at the time. Well, I just wanted to sleep. Later around, I started thinking of what's going on with us. Well, what's wrong with me. Why I'm so grumpy with him. He is the one I can count on in this country. Why I'm so grumpy.. One thing I know that Craig has a tendency to correct every single things. We argue about all kind of political issues sometimes. I don't give up my opinion to convince him and he doesn't give up his opinion to convince me. Sometimes, I like that, but I got tired of correcting every single words we argured last night. Is that good to make your friend feel guilty or bad by correcting words we spoke..? No, I really don't like that. I don't want to make my friend, especially I care of a lot, feel bad from me. I really don't like that.

Anyways, I bought some fruits and waited him coming back. I remembered that he would be home around 8 pm. But, he didn't get home untile 9:30. I was little paranoid if he was mad at me too. And he came home and tried to talk to me, but I was very quiet and was pretending doing computer whatever. Yeah.? I'm bad. Finally he was joking around me, and I couldn't stop smiling. See? we are good friends. But, still feeling arkward. He was complainning that his boy is so sore from playing the soccer game. I think men are sometimes stupid at sports. I know he likes sports but he just got injury from rock climbing a few weeks ago and now he goes to hospital because of that. Then playing soccer game..? I don't know.
It doesn't matter that's his habitual things.

He said he wants to go to bed soon because he is very tired from soccer game and not having enough sleep because of arguring with me last night. I was still cold to him. Well, say good-night. And, I was sitting in front of computer. One hour or 2 hours later, he came down again and looked for his cell-phone bettery charge thing, of course still complainning his body sore. Well, sometime I give him massage and he really likes that. So, okay.. fuck it. I will do that for him. So, went to his room but he was on the phone with somebody. Ah-ha.. that's why he was looking for his cell-phone battery charge thing. He came down to me and.. asked me.. what's up. So, I asked him who was it..? but he wouldn't tell me with smiling. Whenever he asks me something like that.. I always answer him. Oh well, I already knew who can be possible. So, whatever. Then we started talking again. Correcting whoes faulit last night. Then, finally I told him.. "okay, that was my fault, so are you happy?" He was looking at me.. and telling me.. "do I look happy.?"

I told him that I don't like that. I don't want to hurt my friend's feelings. So, it doesn't matter whatever it was. It doesn't bother me, it doesn't hurt me. Just that's it. Yeah, it doesn't matter.. if it can hurt your friend's feeling.. it's better not to correct things. I know what he meant and he knows what I meant. It's okay.

I don't know. So, I will have a breakfast tomorrow morning with him. Good.

Wow, the opening sound of elmwoodstrip.com freaks me out little bit. Well, I'm listening to music very loudly at the same time logging on elmwoodstrip.com. Anyways, I had to click anyone's journal immediately. Then the sound could go away.

I just got back from the downtown of Stamford. I don't know that the place I've been hanging out myself is the downtown or not. Well, there are a lot of pretty cafes and restaurants. So, I assume that street is the downtown or it could be Elmwood Street in Buffalo. While I was observing people in that street, I realized that not many young people hang out. I mean, there are people who look young, but they are not like young people in Buffalo. They look rather employers and seem hanging out nice restaurants or cafes after work. Also, everybody mixes.. not only white people but also asians and afro-americans. I like observing people sometimes. Hum..

I went to a Korean restaurant again. I've been going there 3 days straight. Craig's refrigerator is almost empty and we haven't done grocery shopping. So, of course I miss Korean food. That's why I went there again. Hum.. During afternoon, the weather is crazy hot and humid. Well, at night there is nice breeze.. I like that a lot. I'm kind of sad to leave here soon. Tomorrow I'm going to NYC for my friend, Nick's art opening. Before that, I want to do shopping little bit. Time goes so fast.

I talked to Robin this early afternoon and she told me that she is going to GA tomorrow, which means she won't be in Buffalo when I get back. It's alright. Oh well.

My friend, Craig is late again today too.