11. Lipstick
12. French Fries
13. Toad Stools
14. Elephants
15. Dictionaries
16. Logs
17. Hormones
18. Hair Dye
19. dumpster clothes
20. Blue Balls

1. Sunglasses
2. Regular Glasses
3. Cigarette
4. Missing Sock
5. Belly Button Lint
6. Porcelain Mermaid Bell
7. Empty Coke Can
8. Tape Player
9. VHS Copy of Boys Don't Cry
10. Corpse

I haven't been making any work lately and I think it's because I'm sick of myself. There are things going on in my mind and everything but they're not coming to conclusions.
Last night when I was trying to sleep I thought about an experience I'd had earlier in the day while plant watering. I stopped outside the Sunoco to refill my water buffalo. I was sitting along a short wall smoking and a Sunoco employ sat around 9 feet away on the same wall. We both just sat there smoking our cigarettes watching the passing traffic. It was slightly awkward, I felt like I should say "nice weather we're having" or something like that but I was feeling introverted so I just enjoyed the silent shitty job comradeship.
A man came out of the gas station and addressed my fellow smoker by saying "Just out here enjoying the scenery eh, huhuh." When he said scenery he looked directly at me with good natured smile. I'm sure at the time I just smiled back but lying in my bed later on in the night I replayed this incident in my head and it disturbed me. I don't want to be a woman object. I'd rather just be a plain old object without thoughts, feelings, and emotions and all that bullshit if old funny guys are going to throw me in the object category anyway.

At work I told my boss the story of the plain clothed cops and my boss said I'm getting paranoid. I realize that he has a valid point and I am indeed totally paranoid of these control and authority issues.
I could be suffering from the beginning stages of paranoid schizophrenia like my uncle Michael. He was normal for a long time. He didn't start losing it until his 20's after tons of LSD, a violent car crash, and spending time in a rough ass prison. I never got to hang with Michael much because my Mom never forgave him for chasing my older brothers across a pasture with an ax when they were kids.
My brother Eric told me an interesting story about Michael last thanksgiving. He said that he was riding home on the school bus one day when he saw uncle Michael riding down the road on our horse. Eric was extremely agitated by this and ran down the driveway to the house and got his rifle and hoped on his bicycle.
Right when Eric got to the top of the driveway my dad was pulling in. Dad asked "Boy, where do you think you're going with that rifle?" Eric replied "Uncle Michael stold the horse!" My dad said "get in" so my brother hopped into the truck and they drove down the road in search of uncle Michael.
The caught up with Michael on Old 41 and he was galloping down the road on the horse in a white sheet. My dad stuck the rifle out the window and knocked Michael off the horse into a ditch. Michael's sheet fell of and he sat there in his tighty whities. About that time a police officer pulled up and asked "Michael, what have you done this time?"



funny how time changes people, or does it?

I just returned from Nietzsche's. I'd never been there before and it's a decent place.
The reason we went down to Nietzsche's rather than the Old Pink was because when we first arrived in the neighborhood in front of the pink smoking cigarettes we witnessed a plain clothes police officer beat down a guy in the street.
We were standing there and this man in a white shirt with a flashlight just jumped on this guy and tackled him to the ground on the hard asphalt in the middle of the street right in front of me, Liz, Soyeon, and Anna. They said "This guys a coke dealer, we've dealt with him before"
It was fucked up.
I admit that I don't know this guy they tackled. I don't know his story. I don't know who he is. It overwhelms me that some people have the right to physically abuse others because just like I don't know the story of what lead these plain clothed police guys in an unmarked car to attack a man on the street right in front on me and my friends. They don't know what lead this guy to sell cocaine (if he actually does) and they don't know who he sells it to and why these people think that it's fine to purchase such a self destructive drug.
I was upset. We all walked down to the wine bar decided that it looked stupid and decided to go home but as we passed back by the officers and the unmarked car my stupid attitude flared up and I had to declare at the top of my lungs "Lets go down to Nietzsche's and celebrate the death of god." I don't know. I had to show off I reckon, that I am not afraid even though I am actually terrified.
oh well, I've gotta get some rest for my plant watering and trash can painting tomorrow.