this is a great site that provides chumps like me who can not code for themselves a chance to make a decenter webpage...

i heard once that thoreau didn't really live his experience at Walden Pond. Sure it was a place and yes he spent time there...but the lived reality of the location grew in his writings, musings on place and something akin to a fantasy life developed into the vaguely utopian removed life lived in harmony with nature. A fantasy that was not actually fully realized and only partially lived...he walked there every day he did not live there. A good friend at this news found that the writing was what was important..that the idea was there if not the lived embodiment of the idea. I disagreed stating that it is better to fully realize something for the self than it is to spread this idea around at the expense of creating it. Another friend, at another time, discussed a shared experience of being elevated by consumables but being unable to effectively communicate our experiences in that state and as they were only partially experiential (in memory) we remained unable to express them with the conviction that they had mustered originally. Thus this debate of an experiential space was reopened...is it better to communicate towards something that might be realized in thought or to experience "it" at the expense of communicating "it". In these pasts i have always fallen on the side of experiential living...that 'tis far better to approach something and partially communicate than to fully communicate but not realize. Clearly, this indicates some prejudice towards thought as an potentially experiential domain...but for another day.

In any case...this has sustained me for the past several years and i think was leading somewhere, perhaps, towards a more comfortable remove from this amalgamation of frustration associated with life and work and play which has never really happened in any kind of comfortable balance for me. So, i re-entered the formal education system, at a graduate level, in an arena that i do not have a remarkable history or background. My thinking is that i need some new forum to communicate as the experience is no longer fully sutaining...I sensed a deep emptiness in myself this past week (for the first time this was felt and not intellectualized) concerning my frustrations and experiences getting in the way of my production of something to communicate said frustrations and experiences. This is somewhat of a shift for me and it is causing some strange chain reactions. I have become really bad at earning or even acquiring financial means...my response is always to get a job, hate the job, but, comprehend its' purpose in my life and then to work outside of work (for me) towards my real goals. This technique always back fires and feeds into the whole societal trap of having free time after work. So, what have i accomplished, i have stepped closer to what i didn't want and as a result i am revisiting earlier thinking about experience and communication of experience. Approaching a point of communication i want to drop everything and go and think not of translating it. But, that would be sucha knee jerk response at my present juncture.

help... i need some. Anybody have anything they can recomend. something that imbues the user with a sense of purpose and utility...this would be of particular import.

the more i try to arrange some more viable future for myself the more i want to discard the bullshits of this world and travel and live by what is left of my wits.

buffalo lung is best thought of in long verse rather than trite medico-lexical subdivisions. buffalo lung has the overall feeling that would be an not all together un-pleasant headspace if it were induced by choice or even in fairly meted out doses. a here-not-here sensation that is uncharacteristic of sick occasionally joyous. buffalo lung is the thin grey mucus (opposed to the thick green and yellow) that coats the lungs and makes their functionality decline to a level that would not permit you running for your life or skipping through a field of frozen over daisies. It is a barking cough and splattering sneezes and sinus drainage and nose honking. buffalo lung is not caused or transmitted by cats nor is it the avian flu. buffalo lung is shy of a he'd cold and more than well. you feel bad for telling people you are sick when you have the buffalo lung as after five days you realize it isn't the beginning of something worse but the middle of something not so bad in the grand scheme of things. buffalo lung is real and doth protest when provoked by cold and short sleep nights.

good morning to one and all. woke up way too early thannks to the buffalo lung i contracted this week. oh and stuff to do but nothing that can not be done after the hours of sun up. any way i outlined the diagnostic criteria for buffalo lung but i then lost the post, so i repeat only me inquiry as to whether any one else is experiencing this not-so-bad malady.