Well I just found out my best friend's girlfriend dumped him out of the blue. That guy is beside himself with grief right now. He actually really liked her and was happy being with her. I actually feel sick about it....poor bastard. This also means that she probably won't be trying to hook me up with her sister any more. I guess I don't care about that anyway.

You know what makes me even more sick to my stomach? I have been too busy/tired/selfish to pick up the phone the last few days. He needed someone to talk to - he needed help - he needed me to talk him up. Of course if I had seen this situation coming I wouldn't have left the phone alone. Bottom line, I failed him, I flat out failed him. This is not like me, and not like the guy I want to become. This burns me. I am seeing red right now. I wasn't there for my best friend when he needed me the most. What a horrible piece of shit friend I have been to him this week.

My man, if you can read this - I am truly sorry. This is not how a friend treats a friend. I try very hard to be the best guy I can be, but I fell very short this time. I am imperfect. I will put my face on the net and say it where dozens and dozens of people can read it - I have been a Grade A fuckup. I will do whatever I have to do, sacrifice whatever I have to in order to make this right. Hopefully you can forgive me - I know I would be super fucking pissed right now if I were you. You will be cool - girls come and go, and you have had some great ones. I would give years off of my life to be able to have some of the experiences you've had. I envy you. I can't say that some chick won't do the same thing someday, but I can say this - I won't fail you again.

(e:lisa) - I didn't know you wrote about my situation. I would have responded if I had read your entry. It's not like I'm dirt ass poor or anything, I am a college grad and hold down a decent job. It's just that I don't have enough. Hell, I can exit my apartment, walk by Kuni's or Brodo and see dozens of similar chicks every day of the week. She is not the bitchy type though - very pleasant to be around like I said before. You know what, you're right, if I can't afford her then I don't want her. Maybe I should find out for sure. I've gotta call her sometime anyway. I'm overthinking it probably, stupid brain.

By the way, I would give an honest take on your hair color but you've got a skully on. Also how did gumby get stuck in your nose? Do you teach young kids? Hehe

(e:sqb) and (e:hodown) - there is a problem in the situation. I found out she has a man already. Anyway maybe it's just stupid to think that anything would happen. She has em lined up already. The thing is that I do feel bad that I haven't called - I don't want her to think I'm an asshole but at the same time I know I can't be her friend because I dig her - last year I learned a lesson when someone asked me why I was so distant from them - I confessed to her that I couldn't be friends with someone that I wanted to be with so badly. So I lost a friend - don't want that to happen again either. I don't even know why I'm thinking about this crap. I'm a guy. Maybe my horniness is clouding my thinking. I'll probably call the girl anyway and hope she doesn't answer, so that way I'm not an asshole and at the same time I don't have to actually follow through with hanging out with her. I hope that doesn't sound bad but it's the truth.

Hmmm....lately I have had something on my mind. Well, really it's someONE. An Elmwood resident and former high school classmate. I've always thought she was beautiful. And a sunny disposition, too - the kind of chick that makes you happy to be around her. She's called my bro and I a couple of times to meet up at Cozumel but it's never worked out (we always had previous plans). My buddy says I'm crazy not to call her but there is one significant problem here - I don't think I make enough $$ to date her. That really sucks. But what are you going to do? Maybe get my MBA or something and eventually get enough money to date a cool girl like she is.

Okay, enough of the sentimental BS - Back to being a guy - Buddha and football this weekend! At least I won't have to suffer through yet another pathetic showing by the Bills offense. Finally work is back to normal and I can spend more time doing stuff I like to do, or just relax. I'm pretty damn happy.

Jason

Well, today my Doctor told me that I have to cut out the booze. Not completely, but for the sake of my health I can only have a beer or two every now and then. So, no more drunken BBQ's for me. No more getting blasted during tailgating before a Bills game. Think of every party situation, or going out for beers with your friends. I can only do that once in a blue moon now. Don't get me wrong, I never was an alcoholic, I never went and got drunk or had excessive amounts on a daily basis, but I liked to go out and have fun and party just like everyone else did. That is no longer possible. I think I'll end up a healthier and happier dude anyway as a result of it - so there aren't too many negatives. I can live with this - will have to stick to the herbals if I want to party. =P

On another note - I can't believe that there is another movie about a social climber coming out. Social climbers portray the kind of greed, self-indulgence, and lack of respect for other people that makes my blood boil over. Only in the USA is this kind of behavior glorified. I didn't read the book but I hope it's satire.

Jason