As a person I find porn amusing, sometimes funny even especially if watched in good light humor. As a freshman and sophmore in college I would sometimes watch the occasional internet porn with one of my former closest guy friends, my boyfriend's roomate Ben, strange as it may sound. I ever had it on my computer, or on paper for that matter, but Ben, a virgin in college, had a bunch of it. Once in a while he would be downloading it while we were sitting in his room studying and we would stop and watch it. I would tell him things like "that position would never work with a non porn star, the girl would scream in pain" or "why do they always have spike heels on in porn? I mean I know they are not going for realism but when was the last time you saw a girl hitchhiking in stilettos?" etc. and most of the times we would just laugh at the horribly bad story lines, acting or music. Like I said as a person, in a group situation porn is funny- amusing even.
As a girl and girlfriend (my boyfriend Matt and I have been together for 2 and a half years) I think porn is disgusting as well as degrading to those who have sex for love with those they do love. I feel it makes a mockery of the act. After waiting for quite sometime and never compromising with my virginity I had sex with my boyfriend because I was in love with him. I knew that he was the one I wanted to share that with and I don't regret that for a seccond. I was never pushed into it or pressured by any force and I can say that I mad my decision based on love, which I can say I am one of a very few percent who did, of which I am proud. But my boyfriend and I had made the decision together and one of my pre-reqs to this was that he give up porn. If I was going to share something that special I would not want it to be dulled down by seeing the act, made for love, displayed in such dark a display. It was pure to me and if he didn't think so, then it wasn't worth my time, love or no love, if he couldn't respect the act, then I was not going to share it. I guess the deciphering of whether or not you fall in to the gross or acceptable porn watcher relies in how and why you watch porn. If you watch it alone and do it for masturbation purposes when you have a girlfriend or boyfriend willing to do the things you are watching (if you are alone and do not have a person to share naked time with, then I can understand the need for release)then I think that there is something wrong with that. However if you are a group amusement watcher I think that is healthy and acceptable. I'm no crazy religious freak or even a morality freak, I am a woman proud and willing to share the goods when I am loved and respected as much as the act is. Granted this is only my opinion sparked by pop ups and junk mail but this is how I feel with few and little exceptions. Random I know but thats my entry good day folks.

Wow, Boston is just recovering from a snow storm, I have been stuck at Matt's dorm for the second day in a row and will be missing class tomorrow due to a driving ban. While this sounds fun, tomorrow is my last day of french and American civ and I will be missing the review I so desprately need. Grr I hate snow. Not to mention that my boots are in my room 10 miles away and I have been taking on the storm in my red sneakers that get wet the second I step foot into the snow.
I have $200 dollars in my bank right now and I am hoping to make $200 in returning books so that I can make the $400 deposit for my new school that is due soon. Not to mention that whole christmas thing. The deposit will take up all of the money I have had saved for christmas. The factory I was hoping to work at over break shuts down for the week of christmas and then it will be another two weeks before I get my first pay check. Talk about a lousy holiday, oh well I am not homeless and I keep telling myself that so that I don't feel as bad. My mom is gonna be pissed that I won't have any presents for everyone. Strangely I bought hers before my economic depression but then her birthday is the day after christmas and I have no gift for that. Sometimes you just can't win. Graa.
I love the family guy, I am sorry that I didn't watch it when the episodes were coming out new. The stuff is so random and hilarious. Okay there is a free midnight breakfast at matts school that I need to take advantage of, because I have never been one to turn down free food and that explains a lot. goodnight.

Yesterday I was informed that I got into both of the schools that I applied to this semester. I am going to tour the remaining one on Saturday before I make a final decision, but the one that I toured last time will be tough to beat. I am very excited to get the hell out of here (my roomate was even more thrilled then I was). You know how the day that you know you are going to get your hair cut, your hair looks better than it ever has? Thats kind of how Curry College was for me today. I want to get out of here, I want to be more in the city, I want my old major, and I want to be closer to matt, but I spent the whole day today hanging out with these kids that I hang out with once in a great while, and I had like the best time. They are all pretty good friends because they've been hanging out together all the time this semster so I knew I was a bit out of the loop but I know that if I hung out with them a little more I would totally be in with them. And even though I was still technically out of the group I had an amazing time. Moving on, I've been thinking about my factory job that I have to go back to this christmas break and I am really dreading it. Thank god it will probably only be for like two or three weeks. I hope I can even get through that much, how did I ever do it this summer?
OMG My roommate is watching real sex on HBO and trying to pass it off like she's watching it because it's the funniest thing she's ever seen. Yeah sometimes its funny when you catch it when flipping channels but if you aren't really interested, you don't watch it for the full hour by yourself. She had a guy in here earlier and my friend Ferris and I were trying to embarass her and it was hilarious. She has been such a slut lately. There were three different guys in here this week. I gotta give her props for catching so many guys when she doesn't believe in pre-marital anything (and she's startlingly ugly), thinking about it, forget the props those guys probably didn't realize that she wasn't into naked time until halfway through the chick flicks she made them each watch. No wonder why it was a different guy each time, not to mention they were mad weirdos. The guy tonight had crooked and some missing teeth and could not pronounce his s's...real winner.
Matt has been working on his final projects non-stop which is good because he's such a procrastinator but I really miss him. I haven't really seen him at all since we've been back from thanksgiving break. Thats been really hard for me. And Mary Kate Maloy I miss her too I've seen her for only two hours in three months and then she was off to penn. I wondered if her lecturing aunt had murdered her because I hadn't seen or heard from her, she hasn't updated her journal and for a while she wasn't on aim.
How do I check this elmwoodstrip mail? I have no concept of where I retrieve it, someone let me know. So much more to say but not enough time to say it, story of my life. Alrighty tv and bed call...goodnight everyone!

I realize that I have not updated in a while and felt increasingly bad about it since seeing the e-strip crew on new years, so here I am. Earlier during Thanksgiving break when I was out for coffee with Mike and Jill, I was informed that other people read our journals, people I don't know, but that Mike and Jill have met or known, and that they discuss our journals sometimes. I was completely shocked, I had been writing these entries with the assumption that no one would really read, know, or care about me and my entries, you can tell in the format that I had been writing that it was aimed directly at my close friends. When I realized that other people had been regularly reading my journal I got a bit embarassed at all of the past things I wrote, just because I was so honest about how I really live, crying over a wedding story on tlc, money troubles, issues with my boyfriend, depression. I considered taking my journal offline, butI got so much positive feedback from my friends that I really don't see that often (since being at least 3-7 hours away from home for school) that I remembered why I started having a journal, which was to keep people up to date on me in a non fake way. Sure, I could do what my aunt from arizona does and send out that annoying newsletter to all of my friends at least once a year, but you honestly can't write one of those without sounding like you are bragging, and besides no one wants to read those, they are so general and boring. The other reason was because I have changed so much since starting college that I want my friends to still know who I am when I come home. I have started to read other people's journals who I did or do not know earlier this week, and I realize that I have nothing to be embarassed about, some peoples lives are more misguided than mine and more depressed than mine and I am glad that I throw in some cornyness sometimes and chesseyness people don't usually admit to(we all remeber the entry where I was talking about dancing naked in my dorm, when my roomate leaves for the weekend and I bust out the old school rap and dance naked or in my underwear, it is seriously the hilight of my week, and such a stress reliever -try it sometime).
Moving on, glad to see that I got such big mentions in MK and Mike's journals I thought you guys would appreciate a little new years suprise attack. Big ups to Paul for putting the directions to the party on the site, we drive past your apartment and wave almost everytime we go out but I never knew the exact address. Thanks to Paul and Terry for inviting the crazies off the street that I call my friends. Props to Terry for explaining the salt water tank, I felt like I was on bill nye or reading rainbow.
In other news, I am going back to work at the factory on Monday and have to get up at 5:30 thats about an 8 our difference from the time I get up now, I don't know how I will do it. Thank god it is only for a week and then I get to go back to bean town at 5:30 sunday morning. It's gonna be a crazy week.
I'm looking forward to being at my new school, a little nervous about making new friends as it is hard for me already because of my strangely high standards for friends and then the fact that there are only about 600 kids at this school. I am really going to have to suck it up and not be so synical and pessimistic for at least the first few weeks. Incredibly hard for me. I am also praying for a good roomate this time, it hasn't really happened yet, but I haven't had any unbelievably bad ones either, just none that I could deal with on a basic friendship level. Okay I have to go eat something, but I am feeling better that I let this out and feeling better that I updated. Godnight and have a pleasant tomorrow.

I love that I told my cousin that we would go shopping at 1 tomorrow and it is already 3am, and since I need at least 10 hours of sleep on a non school day for me to actually get out of bed as well as an hour to shower then its not happening. She's going to call me and wake me up and I am going to be pissed, but she also invited me over for dinner so if I bail out on shopping I don't get dinner tomorrw. Its so funny how much I have no money right now that I need to rely on whatver dinner invitation I get to eat. During Thanksgiving break I was not concerned about the ammount that I was spending and I wasn't really thinking about my $400 deposit on my new school or christmas presents or my train ticket home. I had saved $300 which is quite a lot for me to have accumulated and I was expecting to go back to my nanny job when I got back to school when the family got back from Ireland. Well now I wish I had been concerned and tried to save more than I did. My nanny family came back and fired me with rumors that they were bringing back a girl from ireland to be a full time nanny. So there went my main income, so then I thought that I could just return my books for the remaining two hundred for the deposit as I spent a hundred on a train ticket home leaving me with $200. However returning my books gave me only $70. I am not only in debt for the remaining deposit money but I need to buy Christmas presents for my family and secret santa (as well as have some money for my secret santa dinner and new years). Matt and I already decided that we wont exchange gifts until after we get back to Boston which is later than 2 weeks after christmas which is depressing because I look forward to his gifts the most. Now my work tells me they are shutting down the factory for cleaning and repairs until the 5th of January which only gives me a week of work before I go back to school. I hate money and how unless you have it there is nothing to do or eat and I hate how in order to get money yu have to work. I hate working, and responsibility. I think I really hate working because it is so structured. Maybe if I was allowed to wake up naturally at whatever time my body feels fit (alarm clock alarms are my biggest pet peeve, the mere sound makes me angry literally very angry especially if they are loud alarms with straight beeping) and get ready at my own pace, and set my own days and hours then I would not care about having to work so much. If my job allowed all of those things I wouldn't care what I did, even cleaning elephant poop or pornography. The same I feel with school, I would have A's in every class if I could do it my way. Whatever.
So I got back to the B-flo Thursday at like 1am after a 13 hour train ride with Matt. Being with him made it only seem like 5-7 hours. I thought it was going to be horrible, but it was actually pretty fun kind of like an adventure. I prefer it to a seven hour car ride with matts dad (mainly because of the latter who feels that I am a distraction from Matts work and doesn't totally apporve of our relationship even though I am a lot of the reason Matt does sit down and do his work etc) We watched movies on his computer played simpson's clue and UNO and I didn't even really sleep at all (I nodded off for a half hour during monsters inc).
Today we went to Mikes dinner party which was quite delightful. I would not have believed that Mike could have pulled it off on his own had I not been there, but the food was delicious. The chicken was great despite my quandry about the oranges being cooked inside it. I am one of those people who doesn't try many new tastes with old food that I already like, especially when it involves fruit and meat or poultry. I guess I just like to keep my food groups pretty seperate with a few exeptions, but I must admit the chicken was very good and the mashed potatoes were quite a crowd pleaser(the cheese was a great thing as always). The conversation was good and my dancing was better, but
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er and zobmndo brought the house down as always. Good times. But now I must sleep as it is almost 4am and I know my cousin will undoubtedly wake me up too soon so goodnight everyone.