http://estrip.org The estrip.org Site Last 20 Journals en-us Copyright estrip.org Sat, 21 Nov 2009 06:33:04 EST Elmwoodstrip paulsidekick@gmail.com http://estrip.org/elmwood/images/rss.gif http://estrip.org 88 31 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=50351
People make mistakes. But if the mistakes aren't catastrophic, sometimes they are forgivable.

So what do you do when you make a mistake, not a HUGE mistake, but one that hurt someone, and you have apologized up and down and have tried to make it up to them, but it just isn't getting you anywhere except going around in circles over this stupid stupid mistake?

Do you just take a step back and let the person you hurt decide when they are ready to forgive, knowing that they may never forgive and you may live with the fact that you made a minor mistake? Or do you get mad at the person for just not being able to forgive you for something so stupid and walk away anyway because you know it's a lost cause? Or do you continue to apologize up and down, knowing that it isn't going to get you anywhere and just be a slave to the fact that you fucked up? But a very minor fuck up....

I am just not sure what to do. I have tried to fix things.

Not to mention, I have forgiven so many minor things, which in this person's mind may not add up to what they perceive to be my 'huge' mistake.

Trust is a hard thing to establish. One minor mess up can wipe it all clean, and forever put you on a track of no trust, which isn't good for any type of friendship.

I am sorry. I can't say it enough.

I am so fucking spent. Thank god it's friday. I need a vacation badly.

I am going to the chiropractor. It's definitely needed.

Have a good weekend (peeps)

J]]> Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:44:40 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=50351 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=50327
For instance, last night I had a dream that I bought these undies at target, got them home and realized they were hideous, and then tried to shrink them and make them cute, but they were just ugly. I think I am just stressed about the undies situation. I am weird about underwear because I have a full bottom and always have... I need a full coverage bottom that doesn't cut my cheeks in half. So I used to love the Victorias secret cotton bikinis- they were the only underwear I would ever wear. Well, they decided it would be a great idea to redesign them, and now I hate them- they suck. And I have bought like 15 pairs and I just don't like them. Now what? I can't seem to find underwear that are comfortable and pretty. WTF. So now I am dreaming about the dilemma.

I have had a bunch of crazy dreams lately, but of course I can't recall them as of now. Boooooooooooooo.

I curled my hair today. It makes me happy when my hair is pretty.

And I have a night off tonight from work! My boss just emailed me saying that I didn't have to work tonight because I haven't had a night off in a while and she has extra staff. Wonderful! What am I going to do with my free time this evening? Hang out with the pups and the man probably!

]]> Tue, 17 Nov 2009 10:37:16 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=50327 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=50318
As far as the Danny thing goes, I am still so shocked, so hurt, so sad. It's so hard to comprehend such a huge loss. It's unreal that he is dead. But I take much comfort in knowing that he lived, he lived to fullest extent- and his 26 years on earth were filled with tons of accomplishments, ups and downs, and he did what he wanted, which is a great lesson to be learned. He was a good person who was trying to give back and make his life worth something- I think it is almost beautiful to think about his life, as sad as it is.

What else? My life is so boring, that is why I dont' write on a consistent basis. The job is great. Can't complain. I am so lucky to have found it. It's just awesome. My dogs are fabulous. They are just the coolest little creaters ever. I am lucky to have them too.

I have been a shopaholic the last few weeks. Christmas time is coming, and I love christmas shopping! And of course a few tubes of lipgloss for me here and there never hurt anyone. Of course.

So, my clarisonic has transformed my skin. seriously. I know it's an investment, but if you have any skin problems, this thing is amazing. I definitely recommend it.

Other than the stupid check engine light on in my car (yet again- thought it was fixed, now it's on again), life is good. Living at home, come home to good home cooked meals, have a good man, good family, cute car, nice hair, great job, good friends- I have a lot to be thankful for.

Now if only I could get warm. It's that time of year where I just can't stay warm. I want to be cuddled up on the couch with my babies in my sweats and watching tv. I think that is in store for tonight, after my doctors appointment.

Oh. One more thing I should report. I have severe baby fever. It's awful. I want a baby, like now. Of course, it's not going to happen any time soon, but I want to be a mom so bad. My ob/gyn (the new one I went to) walked in a started talking about how I need to start working on babies because I am at the prime age to produce healthy babies. I must get started!!! ha! Just kidding. But seriously, I want a little me or a little boy. someday.... I will be a good mommy.

So just in case I start talking about something baby-esque, you will understand this baby kick I am on.

I guess that's what happens when life is good. You get bored and want babies. Oh boy.]]> Mon, 16 Nov 2009 11:34:04 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=50318 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=50058 http://www.syracuse.com/news/index.ssf/2009/10/syracuse_man_struck_killed_in.html]]> Tue, 20 Oct 2009 10:40:45 -0400 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=50058 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=50054
So, a few of you may recall I lived in Vegas for a few years with my ex boyfriend of many years, Daniel. We had met my freshmen year of college in Plattsburgh, fell in love, moved in together, adopted 3 puppies together, moved to vegas together, and went shopping on a weekly if not bi-daily basis together....we were tight buds among many other titles....but When we left vegas, I wanted to go home to Buffalo, but he wanted big things in NYC, so we decided to call it quits and maybe at some point and time we would find our way back to each other... well, he was killed in a car accident saturday night in poughkeepsie- he was walking across the road to get to a corner store and got ran over by an old lady and he died on impact.

I am devastated. Thankfully we had stayed in touch, and just this week spoke about how we missed each other and wanted to see each other soon....it just sucks so bad...obviously you try not to think about the what if's and the should have's, but I can't help but replay everything between he and I through my mind over and over. I am just so sad I can't even think about anything else... I miss him so much.

So this week is the wake and the funeral...I don't know what I am going to do when I see him laying in that casket. seriously. I might lose my shit. But once it's over I will be relieved, and will be able to cope some how and learn to be able to accept this crap.

His family has been in tight contact with me, which I am so thankful for, and they have been nothing but supportive.

shit man, how does this happen?

you always hear about these things on the news, but its never someone you know or love or were going to marry. :(]]> Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:00:55 -0400 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=50054 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=49989
So, another failed relationship. And it's funny, this one even wanted to get married in May just a few weeks ago. I don't get it. whatever.

In other news, I shrunk my fav wool sweater on accident- I threw it in the dryer totally forgetting it was in the washer, and now it's barbie doll size. Awesome.

Oh, I moved back in with mom, after everything is said and done, I am better off. Things didn't work out with the man, and having the support from mama and not paying rent is a good thing right now, you know? Plus the pups love it. They actually have a backyard to run in.

I have a wedding to go to Saturday. It's one of my childhood best friends. I am really happy for her, she seems so happy and ready to do it up with her soon-to-be husband, but I can't help but feel horrible for myself about the whole situation. Now I have to scrounge for a date less than a week till the wedding. I would go solo, but the brides brother was my first love- dated for 8 years as kids- high school sweethearts. He has a gorgeous gf now, and where does that leave me? A fat mess with no date. Awesome.

At least it's fall. I love this time of year. I sure with (lilho) was here though. I miss you so much dear! I am going to have to come, maybe in November? I can get my ticket next paycheck, so start looking at dates. I will take a long weekend. I need it- for sure....

Oh, and the clarisonic brush is still the object of my affection. I love it. My skin has been really nice lately, still a few break outs, but considering it was an uphill battle everyday, I would have to say it's a huge improvement.

Sorry for my negativity. I am so sick of being burned, especially by people who are supposed to take care of you and treat you like gold. FUCK OFF! Ugh. It will fade soon enough. :)

Have a good day (peeps)]]> Mon, 12 Oct 2009 09:47:25 -0400 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=49989 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=49425
My man loves it too. You know it's good shit when the man approves of a $300 cosmetic brush :)

Highly recommend it!

Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend. ]]> Fri, 31 Jul 2009 12:52:20 -0400 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=49425 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=49304
Reason being- when (lilho) and I went for our facials on my vacation, the woman used the clarisonic brush. she went into great detail about how amazing it was and how my skin would really benefit from it (my skin weakness is my insanely deep pores- no matter how much I scrub, shit still gets stuck in there). She wasn't trying to sell me on it, they didn't even sell them at the spa, but, she did say that I would definitely notice a difference even after one use.

Now, as some of you may or may not know, I am obsessed with skin care- probably because I have suffered from acne my whole life. I have been on every medication on the market and nothing works. I take better care of my skin than anyone I know. But I am now 26 and still am suffering from acne, and I am just sick and tired of it.

So, I was interested to see how this facial, with clarisonic, was going to be different from any other facial that I have received ( I do get them monthly). Low and behold, my skin started clearing up in the matter of hours, I am not kidding- and 2 weeks later, it is still clear... and that's after one use! I am now a believer, and I need this product.

So, I am going to take the plunge and order the clarisonic system a week from today (payday) and it will change my life forever.

If anyone is interested in reading up on the fabulous product here is the website: http://www.clarisonic.com/shop/sonic-cleansing-system-plus.php

It can also be purchased at Sephora and Bliss among many other fine retailers.

I can't wait to get the brush! I am sooooo excited!!!!
]]> Thu, 16 Jul 2009 10:06:07 -0400 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=49304 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=49138
Anyway, in other news. I leave for Arizona tomorrow night to see (lilho). I am so freakin excited! We are doing spa time, staying in a sweet resort with a lazy river, going to do some shopping and just rest and relax with one of the coolest chicks I know. I am quite excited. A few days away from Buffalo will be great too...

]]> Wed, 01 Jul 2009 12:31:20 -0400 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=49138 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=48891
Things are good right now- I get to have tomorrow off because I already worked 40 hours this week, so that's pretty nice in it of itself. I am going to take my car for a long over due oil change and stuff...then I am going to relax and be the puppies all day.

So, my mom left for Outer Banks, NC today. I have my little bros for the weekend, which is kinda cool. Morgan and I are taking them to Darien Lake on saturday and then Allentown Art Festival on sunday. I am definitely looking forward to an awesome weekend with 3 of my favorite men.

I am so tired. I have been getting up so early because my job starts much earlier than my last one, and it's seriously taking a toll on me, that's why I am so thankful that I have tomorrow off. I think I require a lot more sleep than the average person, and I haven't been getting what I need. :( It's an adjustment period...

Today I got my badge for the hospital, I look awful in my picture. And I am not saying that because I am a woman and that's what we say...I am saying that because I seriously do look awful...but I am not the worlds most photogenic person, and of course, this is one photo that I physically have to wear every day, and the security dude wouldn't retake it for me :( bummer.

This is a random question, but my ob/gyn is retiring. I have never had anyone else other than her, and now I have been searching for a new one for a few weeks...I can't seem to find one that I am sold on quite yet. So my question is for you ladies on here- do you guys have any recommendations for great ob/gyn's here in the metro area? My only requirement is that it's a lady. I don't think I could handle a man down there- it's a stressful enough situation as it is, so lets just keep it simple and have a lady. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Thanks it for now...hope all is well with all (peeps)!]]> Thu, 11 Jun 2009 14:42:29 -0400 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=48891