http://estrip.org The estrip.org Site Last 20 Journals en-us Copyright estrip.org Sat, 21 Nov 2009 09:23:36 EST Elmwoodstrip paulsidekick@gmail.com http://estrip.org/elmwood/images/rss.gif http://estrip.org 88 31 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=vincent&id=50354 http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local-beat/Time-In-Prison--70426052.html?yhp=1#comments If you don't want to pay the Gratuity, don't go out with 6 or more people in your party. It's implied that you will pay it once you sit down and it's right on the freakin menu. If you don't like the experience, Yelp about it or something. Wow, I love people that think that they can whine people over to get their way in life.

Now this is a prime example of two things. First there is a saying in the Casino Gambling world called, "Blowing Your Brains Out!" This guy http://www.cnbc.com/id/34054105 is the perfect shining example of that concept. Just because you have $X amount of money doesn't mean your above blowing it all away. What gets me is the total haze of consciousness. That's why you don't make money decisions when your not feeling well physically or emotionally. ]]> Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:48:32 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=vincent&id=50354 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=jason&id=50353
I know for sure I wouldn't want a full-blown, all out wedding and reception deal like most people get. It seems like the most stressful thing in the world to plan out, plus as the groom you're relegated to accessory status. At most weddings, the groom might as well be a cardboard cutout wearing a tux and a smile.

Think about it for a moment - why do people make these decisions? Because it's almost a societal obligation. Because it's tradition. Because it is what we are supposed to do. Wear a tux, go to a church, say your vows, throw a party you cannot afford after the ceremony, and live the same bullshit cookie cutter existence as everyone else thereafter, rarely leaving the house again and sharing dull stories about trips to Lowe's. Sign me up!!

How many times have you heard a wedding referred to as having qualities that represent something about the couple? Make it personal, they say. I've been to a lot of weddings, and following this thought to its conclusion every one of them must have been the same fucking couple. Very little changes from one wedding to another, only the quality of the booze and the number of girls.

Another friend got married recently. She eloped. Got on a plane, went on a Hawaii vacation, and got married with her toes in the sand. Very few if any guests. This is more in line with what I would do. Have a few close friends there only, and have a private ceremony on the beach. Regardless of whether or not it's original, it's better than the big, stuffy, nerve wracking big deal of a wedding, no?]]> Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:42:39 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=jason&id=50353 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=paul&id=50352 My passport expired and I couldn't stand not being able to go dancing
in Toronto any longer and decided to go get an enhanced driver's
license. I went to the DMV on dick and George urban. It was much
nicer than my last DMV experience. They have a million comfy benches
and just give you a number. Then they call you when they are ready.

I couldn't believe how fast it went. I wasn't even finished filling
out the form when they called me up.

You are required to have your birth certificate, a bill with your
address, your social security card, and your old driver's license. I
think there are some other options too.

]]> Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:50:18 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=paul&id=50352 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=50351
People make mistakes. But if the mistakes aren't catastrophic, sometimes they are forgivable.

So what do you do when you make a mistake, not a HUGE mistake, but one that hurt someone, and you have apologized up and down and have tried to make it up to them, but it just isn't getting you anywhere except going around in circles over this stupid stupid mistake?

Do you just take a step back and let the person you hurt decide when they are ready to forgive, knowing that they may never forgive and you may live with the fact that you made a minor mistake? Or do you get mad at the person for just not being able to forgive you for something so stupid and walk away anyway because you know it's a lost cause? Or do you continue to apologize up and down, knowing that it isn't going to get you anywhere and just be a slave to the fact that you fucked up? But a very minor fuck up....

I am just not sure what to do. I have tried to fix things.

Not to mention, I have forgiven so many minor things, which in this person's mind may not add up to what they perceive to be my 'huge' mistake.

Trust is a hard thing to establish. One minor mess up can wipe it all clean, and forever put you on a track of no trust, which isn't good for any type of friendship.

I am sorry. I can't say it enough.

I am so fucking spent. Thank god it's friday. I need a vacation badly.

I am going to the chiropractor. It's definitely needed.

Have a good weekend (peeps)

J]]> Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:44:40 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=deeglam&id=50351 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=tinypliny&id=50350 http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2009/11/releasing-chromium-os-open-source.html I am excited but I also wonder if comfort in the knowledge of having most important things on your harddrive (if the internet were to crash and burn one day) would ever go away. I have a 1TB harddrive that I back-up things on - and I may potentially get another one. Why, then, is this concept of netbooking exciting?

I think people like me lead dual lives - a mobile, assimilate-and-let-go "info-now" life and a more static laid-back static "make-do-with-what-you-have" life. In the ancient past, I might have had a laptop for one life and a desktop for the other but now I have 2 laptops. My bigger older bulkier laptop serves as an emergency back-up for major disasters (which means it never gets used but its there all the same). The other smaller laptop is the one that I port around - almost inevitably to journal clubs and other venues that require me to review some written document.

I gave up printing more than a year back. All my docs are now online and backed up on my 1TB harddrive. I surf the web extensively and all my information gathering happens on this smaller laptop. Since I don't take my harddrive with me, whatever little data I have while on the go is on the tiny laptop. I depend on the net for the rest. So this could well be a netbook. I could get rid of the other laptop, retain my harddrive as a vestige of the ancient desktop and move ahead.

Some day, when I have a blazingly fast broadband satellite access to the net, I could ditch the harddrive as well. I just wonder if this day will coincide with the official release of Chrome OS. :)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/v/0QRO3gKj3qw[/youtube]

I would love to see the owner of the voice in the video in action. I saw the video 3 times just because the presentation was so snappy, and so Google!

And if you are instinctively thinking of Windows when it comes to long boot up times, you would be wrong. The latest Ubuntu takes a WHOLE godawful minute to boot and you can't even mod it easily as you can mod Win XP. I am sick of the holier-than-thou attitude of linuxers when you ask if you could just cut out all the crap add-on software that Ubuntu ships with* - the answer is that its free so you shouldn't expect too much. I say, to hell with you and your snobbish attitude.

If you can't give civilized useful answers to genuine questions from new users, you are no better than the micro$*** folks who just keep making their operating system even more bloated with every revision. At least WinXP can be stripped down to a lean performance beast. Requests for user-friendly ways of slipstreaming and coring Ubuntu make it to the "innovative future ideas" board instead of being listed as priorities and answered - just goes to show how completely behind the times and user-unfriendly Ubuntu (and generally the linux community) really is.

---------------
*PS: YES. I have tried Puppy Linux and its no more user-friendly than an esoteric command line system with all the commands in a useless pretty GUI drawn on a puppy's back. :/]]> Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:22:35 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=tinypliny&id=50350 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=jim&id=50345
Sidebar / tabbed panes:



Docs & History:



Applicant notes:



So many little things to do before launch in a couple months, but I'm really excited at how well this is turning out.

]]> Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:24:44 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=jim&id=50345 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=theecarey&id=50344
-Yanked out dead plant stuff from pots and ground.

-Cleared out & stored remaining plant pots.

-Raked out beds of leaves and other mess I created.

-dragged branches, raked stuff and other decomposable debris out to rear 'yard-forest-unmanaged compost pile' area.

-Washed windows (outside only)

In the process: left side getting clean, right side not yet washed


not great, but much better than what it was, yes?



-Washed outside car windows while I was at it.

-Swept porch and wiped down outdoor furniture. One chair & small table with ashtray stays set up for smokers, although 100% family and 90% of friends don't smoke, thankfully.

-Daily long walk while sun was shining strong. Made sure to sit in the rays for a few minutes as we might not see it again for a few days or more.


Sitting on boat dock, lower Niagara River. (emptying into Lake Ontario straight ahead)





The sun was so bright! my eyes!my eyes!




After work stuff and play time, I have indoor projects to finish and/or start (still need to do the window plastic). I need to keep busy as the early darkness just kicks my ass, so as unexciting as all this sounds (I enjoy it on some level), it is really about keeping busy.

One last thing, as it can be generalized across the region--
The farmers markets in my area are pretty much ready to close by weeks end. Some have gone through to Thanksgiving, but this year the closings are a little earlier. So get out while you can!
I intend to hit up a few between today and tomorrow to gather up a few more apples, squash and whatever else that might look good. I love love love buttercup squash and end of season prices are a great time to stock up. I aim to cook up and freeze a few containers worth, also work some into a soup/stew/chili etc. MMMMM squash!










]]> Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:26:30 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=theecarey&id=50344 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=zobar&id=50342


2. People Magazine says Johnny Depp is the sexiest man alive. Dude's one of my favorite actors but dang if he isn't skeezy as hell. What's the deal?



3. FiOS just became available at my house. It's only $10/month more than my current dry-loop DSL. I do not have, and do not have use for telephone or television service. Is it worth it?

- Z
]]> Wed, 18 Nov 2009 22:02:35 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=zobar&id=50342 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=janelle&id=50339
I picked it up to read when I was down sick out of curiosity and because I LOVED Anne Rice's Vampire series. It paled in comparison to Anne Rice's stories...

So I don't really want it, but I really hate throwing things away if someone else would like it, so just give me a holler.]]> Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:07:21 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=janelle&id=50339 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=mrmike&id=50336


A couple three hours of that helped me and number one son recover our mojo after attending the fashion show at Babeville on Friday night. The image of me at that makes me laugh too. After getting through lunch at the neighboring Bill Gray's, we took a stroll through the Toy Hall of Fame which was a lot of fun too. A little weird seeing stuff I tripped over as a young parent or had as a kid under glass, but it was a trip to mess the working Atari systems they had set up.

A cherry on the cake of the trip was the exhibit devoted to comic book heroes. I still haven't looked at my own photos, but they devoted a hall to statues, games, interactives for all the mainstream superheroes. The line to get your picture taken scaling a building wall a la Adam West in Batman was a little long so we skipped that, opting for stuff like the walk across the city street model where all sorts of Heroes and Villians mayhem was transpiring.

Nice to have an 11 year old as cover for my inner 11 year old.


great day for a little adventure.















]]> Wed, 18 Nov 2009 10:23:02 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=mrmike&id=50336 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=metalpeter&id=50334 (Ladycroft) left me a comment. So we shall see how these look picking up from where I left off last time.










































































































































Well there are a few pictures from after the reception also. I think I still have a few pieces of that candy left, need to check, oh yeah at least the M&Ms. Hope you liked the pictures. Wish I could post them all. ]]> Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:02:46 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=metalpeter&id=50334 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=jenks&id=50332 (hodown)'s alaska pix with the mushroom reminded me that I have pix to post...

First- my sister's family's amazing halloween costumes. (my sister would like to take credit for these, but really all credit goes to my amazingly crafty mother.) It started out with the idea of making the baby a garden gnome. Then sis and BIL decided to be other forest 'creatures'- namely a mushroom and a flower. I was curious to see how they'd come out, and all I can say is WOW. Also, I think my sister looks like a freaking model. (someone told me recently she looks just like me, which I think is completely untrue, but also a huge compliment, so I'll take it!)





And then to round things out, a few pix of my niece's first birthday.


Wearing the birthday hat my aunt knit for her.


what little kid DOESN'T love balloons?!

And finally- she got a rocking horse, which she absolutely loves. She gives it hugs and kisses all the time, and loves to pet and cuddle it. And then when she rides it she has the hugest smile. So freaking cute!!!!




]]> Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:41:22 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=jenks&id=50332 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=joshua&id=50331 (heidi) has snapped me out of it -

(heidi) recently said "My favorite birth control method remains lesbianism, which also makes subconscious slip ups less dangerous."

But does that really stop some lesbians on occasion? You know I'd never ask if it wasn't an honest question... this statement made me begin to analyze the psyche of lesbians and how it relates to the thought of intercourse with men.

Sexuality is a natural thing - urges are natural. I think humans, particularly females, are genetically disposed to crave intercourse, since it is what we rely on for the continuance of our species. I wonder how it works when you are a lesbian - is it really possible that lesbians don't get a primal urge to have sex with a man, regardless of how much they may not want to, when they are between the ages of say, 25 - 40? With guys I believe this is different since we have no biological clock to occasionally remind us that it is now or never.

Now is time for a very salacious detail that the likes of the Ho sisters would love to hear, which may shed some additional light on my question. Last year we visited a friend in Albany for a weekend and had a fabulous time, going out to the local bars and yukking it up with old college friends. Of course we were drinking our fair share and at our last stop we ran into some friendly people, one of which was a lesbian that I was chatting up. I caught her at a bad time - she broke up with her girlfriend earlier that day. It didn't stop her from grabbing me and making out with me in the middle of the bar!

So if the question is "have you ever kissed a lesbian," the answer is not only a yes but a fairly emphatic yes. I didn't want to hit on her too much, since I was very aware of the possibility of crazy emotions running through her head. Maybe she just wanted to feel better after a breakup; maybe she was feeling that primal urge I was speculating about. Maybe she hadn't kissed a guy in a while and wanted to feel the supple, passionate and strong masculine kisses of one Joshua Larson for a few minutes!

Maybe I thought about it too much. Later on in the evening, after I had gone back to yukking it with my friends, she left with another lesbian friend and some guy, looking about as lusty as I've ever seen two lesbians with a straight guy. O RLY? Yes rly. I wonder if they were lesbians, or really bisexuals with a heavy, heavy bias for the ladies. Depending on our outlook anyway, I clearly missed out on a once in a lifetime opportunity.]]> Tue, 17 Nov 2009 13:10:37 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=joshua&id=50331 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=hodown&id=50329
























]]> Tue, 17 Nov 2009 12:05:56 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=hodown&id=50329 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=james&id=50328

mark your calendars.

Thank you to Paul, Matthew, and Terry for being nice enough to host.

And thank you to you for being awesome. ]]> Tue, 17 Nov 2009 11:16:42 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=james&id=50328 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=bridgette&id=50325 *** The following is a letter I received from Amanda Wienckowskis sister as I was walking down the street at Delaware and Kenmore avenue last weekend.. My heart goes out to this family, as the young woman was murdered, and it is my sincerest prayer that truth regarding this young womans death will come to light so that this family can begin their healing process and more than likely save another young woman from facing the same fate. The most I can do right now is aid them in their pursuit to raise awareness among the community about the corruption they are facing and the fact that who ever did this to her is still out there walking around the city. The following is the plea of Amandas mother, word for word.

And Justice for All?
Thank you for your donation. Your donation will be combined with many others to seek truth and justice for for the death of Amanda Wienckowski. My daughter was outgoing, happy, beautiful, danced, was on the swim team and and on the honor roll and graduated from high school with a regents diploma. When we meet good people, our lives our lives get better, and when we meet bad people they can get worse. Amanda met a young man and began using drugs. As a mother you never stop praying for your kids but when something like this starts you do nothing but pray. She went through rehab on her own and was able to stop. Unfortunately, the dealers and drug friends don't go away and she went back to using. I was worried sick and would call and speak to her four or five times a day. At least in those brief moments I knew she was ok. I knew immediately that she was missing because of this frequent contact. She was dropped off December 7th of 2008 at an address in the city of Buffalo. When I couldnt get in touch with her I knew something had happened. i tracked down the address, went there and called the police. They came, went to the door, asked the man who answered if he had seen her and he said no. The police came back to the curb and told me he didn't know who she was and I should fill out a missing person complaint.
The tragedy is that if they had just run his name through the police computer, they would have discovered that he had gotten out of jail three months earlier and had previous convictions. the least they could have done is bring him in for questioning. Instead we were forced to do nothing. There was no sleep for that month and I never stopped praying. The police did not look for my daughter. She was another drug addict that disappeared and would probably show up at one point. I knew better. Then the next door neighbor of this man had his garbage tote stolen and that is the ONLY reason they found my daughter. They were looking for the missing garbage tote. Directly across the street from this man , within throwing distance from his front porch, was the garbage tote. The police located the missing tote on Jan. 8th, and were shocked when they opened it. There inside was my beautiful daughter Amanda dead and frozen. She had been stripped naked, her hair had been cut off, and she had been dumped in a garbage tote. The nightmare I had been having since her spiral into drug addiction had come true and she was brutally murdered at 20 years old. After the autopsy, the District Atty said that she had died of accidental overdose. That was a shock almost as bad as her death. Had she thrown herself naked into the garbage tote after stealing it and hauling it across the street?
When I received a copy of the autopsy it said that she had GHB in her blood ( she had been drugged with the date rape drug) and she had fresh defensive wounds on her forearms (she had fought for her life). I didnt know this but a forensic pathologist reviewed the autopsy reprt for me. The police, district atty, and all four medical examiners are sticking to their story of accidental overdose although they have labeled her case pending investigation. The only thing this does is prevent me from getting the file. We have spoken to the people at the church where the tote was found, and neighbors and no one has been interviewed by the police. There were cameras on the street corner poles that would have recorded her killer hauling the tote to where it was found. When we asked about looking at the footage, they were removed from the pole. We dont know whose fingerprints were on the tote or what forensic evidence there is. Certainly it isnt everyday you open a garbage tote and find a frozen dead girl stuffed in it. They say they have recent murders to investigate.
My daughter was murdered and it might not matter to them but but it matters to me and it should matter to you. the man who did this is still out there and we know his name and his record and it is not good. We have learned here in WNY of what happens when you dont put the real guilty people in jail. They rape and murder again like the Bike path rapist Altemio Sanchez did and like Dennis Donahue did. Amandas killer will do this again. Our only option now is to have her body exhumed, a second autopsy done and an independent investigation to be completed. We are ready to do this. We have found a company that has been doing this work for 21 years and states that corruption in Coroner's and Medical examiners offices in the United states is Rampant. They will be going public soon with their information. we need to get Amanda there and it will cost us $7,500 for the entire exhumation, permits, flights and autopsy. If we do not demand Justice for such an obvious murder how will you ever get justice if you must look to this same system for it?
Thank you again for yoru contribution and I pray that one of your loved ones never crosses paths with this man before we are able to put him behind bars. For more info about the company that will be doing the second autopsy go to 1800autopsy.com. I can be reached for further information at 000-0000
Donations can be made at any Bank Of America, Justice for Amanda.
Gratefully, Leslie Brill]]> Mon, 16 Nov 2009 22:54:21 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=bridgette&id=50325 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=matthew&id=50321

and here it is after this fall...


The above picture doesn't really do it justice. The lighting was dark when i took it this morning so the details don't show up. It looks much nicer in person, i think. here are some close ups...




I'm so happy with the way it's turning out! I'm also happy I live with Paul and Terry who are fearless painters. If i had to paint the whole house myself it would only be done from the ground to about 7 feet up. I cant do heights.

The neighbors across the street from us are also painting their house and the house a few down from us is installing a new slate roof (which looks amazing!) Our little block of Linwood Avenue is really shaping up!...so take that you fancy 400 block! ;)

okay, i'll take a pause from posting house pics.]]> Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:25:08 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=matthew&id=50321 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=leetee&id=50320
]]> Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:37:47 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=leetee&id=50320 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=ladycroft&id=50309


the traditional British group photo after the ceremony





the husband and I with the man who took our pics, the one and only (Libertad)





one of the coolest shots we got in the cemetery





my favorite kissing shot]]> Sun, 15 Nov 2009 14:32:45 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=ladycroft&id=50309 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=mike&id=50305
http://christwire.org/2009/10/the-golden-girls-how-one-tv-show-turned-a-generation-of-american-boys-into-homosexuals

The Golden Girls: How One TV Show Turned A Generation Of American Boys Into Homosexuals


The Golden Girls television program was never much to look at. A foursome of Florida geriatrics getting agitated about pharmacy bills and shoulder pads- who could ever find such a thing interesting? But somehow these perky and absurd women wormed their ways into America's homes for an 8-year run in the 1980s. Maybe it was our desire to see our grandmothers having fun that encouraged us to watch. Maybe we wanted to believe old age wasn't dominated by infections and hip problems, loneliness and crushing depression before death finally stomps us out like the acrid end of a damp cigarette.

The most unexpected segment of this show's fanbase was America's young men. In the 80s, these were boys too delicate for sports, too awkward for girls, too "artistic" for labor-intensive work and too flamboyant for peer acceptance in high school. With no real adults in sight, these poor children became obsessed with the poorly conceived characters on this show. Desperate for a firm hand in their lives, they gravitated to the subversive undercurrent of masculinity in these aged matrons.

Many studies have been done on why the gays love The Golden Girls, but science can't fathom the moral challenges and social upheaval of those historic times. The 1980s was an epoch of President Reagan's manly wisdom and the terrifying threat of Cold War annihilation. America had sobered up from the flashy lights of 1970s disco. We were skipping all night cocaine and sex parties to focus on our careers. Spiritual leaders like Jerry Falwell were telling us that Christianity was in the majority again. On the other side, there was a subculture of homosexuality creeping up on our youths. It gave them an excuse to wear tight jeans and to sneak off to public parks for quick releases with hairy men of different ethnicities.

golden showers of peril

THE GOLDEN GIRLS GAY AGENDA

It was only to be expected that our lonely boys exposed to these conflicted times would succumb to the nagging Golden Girls agenda. These were slender, unathletic children who were left out of the fun militarism of the Reagan years. Skyrocketing divorce rates ruined their faith in traditional relationships. Rock groups like Duran Duran and Styx encouraged big hair and overactive libidos. The show lit a match which enflamed their intense physical urges. With the utmost cruelty and immorality, The Golden Girls seized upon this opportunity to cross the hormonal wires of America's lost generation.

The results were disastrous. Our horny, lonely boys sought out intimate comforts with likeminded Golden Girls addicts who didn't mind each other's theatrical voices and touch-feely hand gestures. Together, these clusters of awkward teens and twentysomethings bonded over their favorite episodes and characters, mimicking the voices and gowns of their tv friends. When the rush of cheesecake and gabfests wore thin, these hairless boys needed a harder thrill. They were so desperate for the next big trend they turned to same-sex sexual experimentation. What woman would have them now, anyway? This led to the worse excesses of early homosexual visibility- the most enormous of drag queens, the dirtiest of leather daddies, the most enticing of twinkie boys, androgyny, overeating, public sex and the birth of "camp."

golden showers of peril

THOSE THREE DIRTY OLD LADIES

If you walk down the street today and bump into a middle-aged homosexual, chances are that the nasty comeback he will shout at you is something he picked up from Dorothy Zbornak of the Golden Girls. Played by noted liberal activist and Archie Bunker-foe Bea Arthur, Dorothy had a hard, masculine voice. She was cold and quick-tempered. She taught our modern butt rompers to disparage everyone in their orbit. She schooled them on insulting people's clothing choices, body odors, organ sizes and educations. Dorothy taught the gays to speak very fast and have the most superior attitude possible. This formula has worked for many of your urban leather daddies and flaming queens, who attack with the swiftness of a ninja. It often happens that by the time I figure out what the insulting gay man has said to me, he is long gone (probably off groping someone's son in a Sears lavatory). For others, and here I'm talking about your waiters and retail salesmen, Dorothy has given them permission to be two-faced. They smile at you through gritted teeth when you tell them to keep their nail polished fingers off the edge of your pasta dish or when you make them promise that they won't peek while you're trying on a swimsuit in the dressing room. Beneath that smile is a sneer. These gays really hate you for your Christianity and your gold card, your mature good looks or the fact you lead a handsome camping group into the hushed mountains of Tennessee. In whatever afterlife world she inhabits, Bea Arthur is surely pleased by your outrageous outrages, you homosexual anarchists of America.

Blanche Devereaux, played by Rue McClanahan on the show, is one of the sluttiest sluts around. She will do anything to get anyone into her bedroom for hours of offensive copulation irregardless of her aging orifices. Like many contemporary gays, she also demands expensive dinners and presents from her "dates" and takes special pride in catching the rich ones. Blanche's promiscuity is a common model for the personal lives of today's homosexuals. Most gay relationships last a week. It is no coincidence that this is the amount of time between Golden Girl episodes when they first aired on primetime. Blanche's appearances on the show taught today's 30-something homosexuals that you need a new strange man on your arm every seven days or else your viewers/friends will lose interest in your life's plot. Sadly, with the Golden Girls in weeknight syndication, the youngest gays have confused this timetable to mean they need five new boyfriends a week. Their sexual adventures have become both shockingly fast and befuddling to their next-door neighbors and Twitter followers alike.

Rose Nylund, played by x-rated comedienne Betty White, was added to the show as a sort of comic relief to the other more serious characters. She is thoroughly dimwitted. Her clueless acting style makes me cringe at her obvious senility. Senility is not at all funny, but the careless creators of this awfulness used her stupidity for a relentless barrage of immature jokes. Once again, Rose's most salient trait was picked up and celebrated by the gay community. Every buff beefcake I've ever met has been tremendously brainless. They can bump out the beats to any Madonna song on a club railing, but are incapable of telling you the difference between Acapulco and an avocado. They lack the concentration to finish reading your text message, let alone a fantastic website article you may have forwarded to them. Most homosexuals love to gallop around a conversation, yammering out a bunch of big phrases to show you how smart they are. The truth is that if they slowed down for a minute you would see that the Lady Gaga references, truckstop handjob stories and Kevin Jennings defenses don't add up to an intellectual argument. They're just random phrases strung together by psychotropically-medicated, carnally-motivated ridiculous libertines glazed with moisturizer.

For Florida, The Golden Girls completely ruined the reality of Miami's masculine reputation. It was no longer a city of Scarface and Miami Vice. The Cuban machismo and gorgeous Ferraris melted in the face of lengthy canasta games and comfortable paisley chairs. And then the gays came marching in to South Beach. Not even CSI Miami can win the city back for the straights.

golden showers of peril

WILL THE GAYS LIVE "GOLDEN GIRL" STYLE IN RETIREMENT?

Today, as this crowd ages we have to wonder what comes next for the Golden Girl generation of American homosexuals. They're turning 40 and 50 now. Their hair is thinning, their waistlines expanding, their cachet in the cultural scene is long past. Most have settled into heavily mortgaged condos or bungalows in gentrified neighborhoods, bitter at their mid-level jobs with zero hope of becoming a CEO to make their fathers proud. Many are too old at this point to be pursuing anonymous street pickups and have settled into caustic relationships that are only monogamous out of mutual laziness. Maybe they find weekend solace in amateur photography or an overly primped shit-zu.

In a dozen years, the next logical step for these people is Florida. Will we see whole sections of this state devoted to horny gay retirees sporting the worst 1980s fashions? High pants and feathered hair and modern architecture? Will they follow in the lusty steps of their forebears, the Golden Girls? When all these gays are in such close proximity to each other, will we see a huge upsurge in illicit homosexual elderly trysts? Will they vote out Florida's married Christian Republican leaders, like Governor Charlie Crist? Will they embrace any and every cutting edge social issue that will be hip in 2020? Personally, I do not look forward to the day when we're having moral debates about robot sex, gay jetpacks or houseplant marriage. And worst of all, will the next generation of television executives see the need for a new Golden Girls show featuring silver daddies, poppa bears, wankers on walkers and 50-year old twinks who sit on your lap and suck Metamucil lollipops? America, I will be turning off my tv for good in 2019 just in case.]]> Sun, 15 Nov 2009 11:21:49 -0500 http://estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=mike&id=50305