paul once asked me what i love about buffalo, and it was during an i hate buffalo ebb. after thinking real hard, i answered "the houses." you could walk for hours, and spot hundreds of nifty little details you wouldn't find repeated elsewhere. there are some gems here too, but i really miss that about buffalo. god i could never live in the south, where so much is new.
for fun, i sometimes browse e-house plans but have been having some disturbing realizations come out of it. it's almost impossible to find one without the palatial master suite, which says a lot about homeowner/mom/dad/queen/king type stuff, and entitlement. then the outsides just look like monstrosities. it is the kind of "luxury" that is so barf-o-rama, new money & tasteless. i don't really get the whole "let's have an open floor plan downstairs" mentality when your bedrooms are compartmentalized and often, the "master suite" is set so so far away from the kids' rooms. if they cried in the night, they would have to mop up their own tears in their own bathroom, or run about 2K to the parents' room. that is so so sad.

i love this house, it's feeling more and more like ours (it's beginning to absorb us now)--- but i do not think it is the last house i will live in. i do not know where life will take us, maybe we will stay or go...if we stay eventually i would love to build a house, one i laid out a floor plan for myself, maybe partially dug into the earth. it would be so odd to live in a house no one else ever lived in.

like any new mother, i am nervous and scared kinda shitless, for soon 18,000 odd stingly flying honeymakin insects will be my charges. also i am nervous because this DEMANDS that i not just dabble in a renaissancelike knowledge of things, like all "lah-tee-dah, that's cool to know, i could totally ace that jeopardy category," as i am wont to say to myself. if i want honey (uh, YES) and if i want the bees to thrive and go forth and multiply (yeah!), i probably should know what i'm doing a little. and i just....DON't. right now, anyway. books can only take you so far, and to be honest i've been damned lazy about the reading in any case.

i am hoping it IS sort of like parenting, and you quickly get the basic hang of it or just suffer. they will for the most part take care of themselves (i hope the queen kicks ass).... and for the most part i will learn this year and not get any honey for meself. some pro at the meetings said after 25+ years you still realize how much you don't know. so that's ok. that's good.

i'm just feeling sort of like "what the hell did i get myself into??" ---all based on some romantic view i had of dancing insects, flower juice, and hexagons. god.