ok, so sesame street live was...... hm. a necessary evil? i am torn over it, since the initial wonder, fascination, and joy made it worth it, but the overstimulation and exhaustion that soon followed made it questionable. how many songs in how many styles can you possibly fit into an hour and a half? how many colors? how many dancing characters, how many musical instruments, how much lights, sound, action? uhhhhhhhh. why an intermission (to sell $10 elmo balloons, that's why)? why a second half that draaaaaaaaagged, during which every parent COULD NOT wait for the finale, and i think more than a few of the kids too. mine was pretty "eh!" with it by then. i'm glad we went, but i know now i will not take him to every event of this type. he has way more fun with a cardboard box at this juncture.

the jist of the show was "everything makes music." also sub "anyone." i DO not agree...... lots of things make sounds, but not music (according to the show, a doorbell or a telephone "make music"). and while anyone might reasonably be able to smack a cowbell with a stick, it's not necessarily going to be musical, it might be something that it's like, SHUT UP, PLEASE. it raises a lot of questions in my mind, why is there so much propaganda to get kids into music? i think they are naturally drawn to it, it doesn't have to be shoved down their throats. and as far as the YOU can make music, that's fine and everything, but it's part of that insidious self-esteem campaign that i'm always so wary of. i realize plenty of kids grow up in households where they are ignored or put down, and that self worth is essential to learning. but ALWAYS telling kids how great they are, and they can do anything if they just try and practice and you can do it and all that, hmmmm. big time paranoia on my part, but sometimes i think it's all some scheme to market a next-gen pill, to make them feel this great feeling about themselves that they've been led to believe they're always supposed to feel.
it also has me thinking "what exactly qualifies as music?" kind of thoughts, but that's a whole nother can of worms......

insomnia is the worst fucking thing, i would not wish it on an enemy. all the livelong day i feel somewhat akin to a slave, albeit to children i love and adore, but still, i am working hard and putting in hours, and then at night..... nothing. very little, and struggling to get it.

i went to see an acupuncturist, it was INCredible---- wowo... i haven't felt so relaxed, i think ever in my life, than i was on that table. for two days i felt calmer and better, now i am back to the crazies. it would be nice to get an acupunture treatment every week, but i don't think it works that way. ...and i can't help thinking i have THAT much negative energy?--so much that it would only last 2 days?

part of it is so so bad because you are completely alone in your insomniac world. you can say i'm SO tired, but yeah yeah--- everyone's tired. you don't GET insomniac tired unless you're an insomniac too. then at night there's no help for it, nothing can really put you to sleep i believe, except yourself, naturally. There are distractions but they're pretty shitty when your mind just can't focus on ANYthing. TV is about it--ug.

it has occurred to me too that it's probably like riding a bike, you can't think about it too much. and i know i am. here i am, when i'm really tired and should be in bed. but i dread it, what might happen once i'm there. i have tried so much, and it makes me angry and it sucks, but i think i have to resort to good old fashioned western medicine, and just go on something.

....is about to get worse. we now run a small-ish grocery store and have taken a big hit as far as wheat, milk, eggs, etc.--- in short all the things we use to make the rolls, cakes, pizza, etc.-- people are balking at raising the prices but the flour for these things literally tripled in one week. all your basic goods have gone up so so much.

now, to make things SO much worse, it will be insanely expensive to have the cup of coffee you have when you sit down to bitch about such things. coffee, store brand coffee, is apparently going to skyrocket to like $10 a can according to one of our reps. not even maxwell house, STORE brand. ich. STOCK UP NOW, people. starbucks is about to get a whole lot richer.