HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.




The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :




Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?




Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.




One student, however, wrote the following:




First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.




Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:




1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.




2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.




So which is it?




If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'




THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

A hearty screw you to September and October



Going to battle with a penny anty operator any second and it has me in a crabby mood, but I have the boss's blessing so, that's good. Don't always get a license for cantankerousness.

If you couldn't find fun at e:Ladycroft and e:Rory's nuptials yesterday, you need a checkup! A truly original couple threw a truly original day. Well done, folks. Hope next weeks conclusion lives up to yesterday's overature.

e:Strip cleans up well, everybody looked great. I don't think I need to be too horrified at any pictures that I was in. It was a lot of fun to hang with old friends, and meet some new ones too.

The Photo booth was a hoot and I'm enjoying Hallowedding candy as I write this. Got the extra bonus of seeing e:Drew in professional mode too (He does good work). Very cool of e:Jenks to make the trek in from out of state.

High hilarity and tasteful fashions about.

Thanks Rory and Timika for inviting along as you begin your latest journey.

"Raising my coffee mug."

The 1986 New York Mets were so full of themselves, they could have franchised. They were a bunch of arrogant jerks and great ballplayers. They talked smack, battled personal demons, smoked in the dugout, were hated by pretty much the rest of the National League, but by god they were fun. In the case of Strawberry and Gooden, we didn't learn till later how many demons they were battling, but that was a fun year to watch. For that I feel a little guilty, but I also watched them in 83, so fair is fair. To any Mets fan, "Game Six" is more than just a Seinfeld line. Back before the Red Sox were either sterioid cases of 07 or the "idiots" of 2004, they were the choke artists of 86. Game Six is when a season of promise for long suffering Met fans shifted from intense disappointment to a once-in-a-lifetime cosmic second chance. This is the type of stuff that makes sports fans as nuts as they can be.

It was inspirational, heart-warming and in the case of the above, downright weird.

I hope by now, the creator of this, has at the very least made it out of his mom's basement

Six day work weeks are guaranteed to bring out extra punchiness. This one has left me wishing for a "Sort-of easy button."

Notes from the week that shouldn't have been.

Had a misunderstanding with a friend at a work event that we repaired, but got the week off to a fine start.

I got a lot of giveaways for our current Halloween promotion, but the dairy laden snack really needs to rethink their name, sounds like something somebody ate already.

I'm never going to appreciate a cup of yogurt.

Amiably ended a relationship for good that has left me once again dateless for e:Ladycroft 's wedding (she'll probably kill me at this point, too). The woman involved ominously posted something, then appeared in instant messenger, where I asked her to "Come out with it." So, in a new personal low (or best), I was broken up with via Yahoo Instant Messenger.

Like Kip Dynamite, I love technology.

You gotta laugh, it's too loopy not to.

In the silver lining department, part of the Holiday promotion has resulted in an excess of donut holes in the office. I partook a little on Monday, but there are still some here. That's bad for all the logical reasons donuts are bad, but office morale is pretty genial.

A spoonful of sugar and all that.

There is another marathon on Sunday. Don't particularly care but there are other streets beside Elmwood and Delaware in the city. I wouldn't even bitch about that, but the last time these freaks had to pound the pavement, one volunteer made me turn off Elmwood and head up Delevan. When I got to Lincoln Parkway, the volunteer said I needed to go back and proceed on Elmwood. Either these folks were the dumbest people alive or evil geniuses.

Mr-Mike needs beer.