I khow what pim supposed to do but i ca'nt! ok! i can't! I taesied to but i justa can't! I thoaght this wekend would be a perfect teime but I just can't! I dn't have it in me! I nkow its ridcils and i watn to but i can't!! I'm surea it wo'nt be as bad as ithink iat will be but i'
m so scared of letting pepole down. : (

So I did it! I'm not thrilled with how it went. I don't feel better about anything at all ...prolly worse ...but for the better or worse I did it! I don't like to let people down, especially people who have always given me everything I wanted in life! Time for day 4 of drinking which will conclude next sunday I believe with a possible reprieve tomorow. June is so full of parties and events.

An interesting weekend indeed....lots of changes...lots of going back to old things...lots of interesting public displays....lots of broken hookahs (sp?), and most of all lots of fun...and now on to the next week of fun June events!!!

So an interesting night last night spent with e:lilho on her last weekend in the B-lo. Me, e:lilho, e:jll and e:beast headed out and started with a martini and shots at Fugazi, where we began a starburst unwrapping ocntest. We were seeing who could unwrap a starburst in their mouth the fastest. e:lilho for her first time (yes me and e:jill have done it numerous times before) was very talented. We then headed on down to allen street hardware and the attack of the taint ticklers was resurrected. Oh e:lilho and e:jill and their tickles... I actually forget how everything else went down exactly but I do know, the starburst contest later included strangers which lead to bets and higher stakes which lead to e:lilho and an allentown art festival tent. Then of course a pop, lock and drop contest between e:lilho and e:jill commenced and the fun just went on from there. We got lots of randoms to do the pop, lock and drop but noone could master it like e:jill could...then it got a little sketchy when the police in te golf cart were coming twoard us....so that was our cue to go home....so long sarah, it won't be the same wihtout you!

HAPPY 27th BIRTHDAY e:Libertad!!!!! From me and one of my favorite ladies!

It's funny becasuse sometimes I complain that my parents don't really give me anything or pay for stuff for me. LIke I have to do it all myself. I realize this is kinda ludicrous because like I live at home for free and people like e:pmt point out to me that really so they pay for a lot. I was thinking about it, and it really depends on perspective I guess. To people who have always had to be out on their own and fend for themself it seems like my parents give me too much.

But...I am coming from a world where my three best firends have had everything paid for in their life by their parents basically. One's parents has paid for their schooling, cars, car insurance and even pumps their gas for them but she pays for her own cell phone bill. Another had to pay for most of her own schooling I believe but her parents always have paid for her car insurance and cell phone and insurance. And another her parents have paid for everything from schooling to car insurance to cell phone bill. Sooo i have had about $450 more in bills each month for the last few years than any of them and I guess I never really noticed. I always kinda lumped myslef in with us who are parents take care of everything but really my parents don't. If i wasn't already paying that much for the last few years, maybe I oculd get an apartment and feel more secure in my finances. I'm not relaly complaining that my parents don't give me enough, i'm just saying this is where I come from and it annoys me a little lately. Not that it is anyone's fault that their parents pay for stuff like I would totlaly let my parents if they offered , it just annoys me lately.

I love my car , Frank, which was my uncle who I got it from's name but it was named more for Frank Sinatra because it tried to seduce e:jill the first time she got in it by the seat just falling back and landing her in a laying down position right away. It got the tank name because everytime I have been hit/hit something my car is like barely damaged and everything else is a wreck. Like when I once ripped of the sideview mirror and part of a person's car, Frank just had one little spot of black paint on the side mirror, otherwise you would never know it happened. I feel very secure in my tank. The other day a man in the car next to me in a parking lot just repeatedly bascially slammed his car door into mine. Any damage? Nope!

Anywho this post is not about who Frank was but who Frank is becoming. He is about to die I think. He has been heating up a lot, I think he is leaking oil, and now the check engine light is on. I don't relaly want to spend any more money getting him repaired because he has a ot of issues so I am better off at this point getting a newer car. I am so afraid of that though, I have always gotten my cars for like 500 dolars from old ladies we know who don't drive anymore or like someone getting a new car. I never actually had to like sit down and think about what I wanted and go and look for it. It is very terrifying and I have been postponing it as much as possible. I can't wait any longer I guess. .....I don't want Frank to go...

I went to my first ever like orthodoxish Jewish Wedding on Sunday. it was fun and interesting for many reasons..but oh so incredibly long. Like it started at 4:30 and at 12:30 when we left it was still like going in and like there were still ceremony parts left, like they had just cut the cake. it was crazy> no wonder we haven't seen Yosepha in like a year cuz she has been planning. If planning a normal wedding is so much work, this one must have been insane. There were seriuosly like 85-92 different cermenonies within the cermony and it included liek 12 different rooms/ballrooms of the hotel. It was quite crazy. I will possibly write about it, cuz there is much to write about like her spicy grandma from israel dancing with the henna and the throne that Yosepha sits on at the beginning. Those are stories for another time and place....

If all goes as plans me and e:jill are going to try out for Wheel of Fortune today! How super duepr fun would that to be. It would be so awesome to be on there. I like it cuz you get the money you win even if you don't win , unlike ome other shwos where you just get crap second place gifts. Ok we prolly won't even get on but if we do that would freakin rock!!!! WIsh us luck...

P.S. I love the comment feature , I don't use it tons, bur i left tons of comments today and was glad it was there!

So I am sleeping over at teh e:pmt's mansion while they are out of town. Too bad everyuone is busy and so I am here a lone now and it is scary. I am barracading myself in the upstairs den and just hoping noone can get in. If someone breaks in the house I just hope they can't make it into my "safe room"where I have me, the coputer, the tv and my phone and a ab roller....I am not meant to be on my own...i am too much of a scaredy cat