ok, i did my attempt at a wordy post. but it just wasn't me, ya know?

i am done with boys who think they can just get it whenever. ok?

sorry, but if you want to hang out with me, give me some incentive. i don't want to see you once a month to make out/do it. i can take care of those cravings myself, or find someone hotter than you.

i don't want to text back and forth. we are not in high school anymore, let's just get past the texting and actually call, assholes!

don't pretend like you really like me, when all you want is to as e:jason says, "get your dick wet".

if you want it that bad, get creative, and maybe, just maybe after a really nice kobe beef dinner, and about 3 peach martinis i'll give it up. but porbably not, because i'll be full and sleepy.

so, moral of the story is that sarah (yes, i speak in the third person now) is slowly realizing that she has the power. yes, i have the power.

and, shopping frankly, has proved to be way more enjoyable than any boy lately. and i get cute clothes out of it! the shopping here is fab!

and i am now a self-professed workaholic, and i'd rather make money and help people than deal with you silly silly creatures.

and, i miss my friends!!!!! friends, where are you????

so, i went out tonight.


that's all i really have to say about that. these stays, staying in is so much more appealing, and so wrong for me!


what is a ho, without the madness? i think i will learn to sew and bake some more, and be "marthaish".


except for my four day hiatus to the blo. that will not involve baking, well it might... but not in the same way.

i have to be to work at 830 tomorrow morning, which is really not cool considering i am still up, and in this state.

stop reading this. i think my posts are becoming pointless banter, or i think they were just always that way. i think pointless banter can be one of my life themes. because, we are so small compared to the rest of the universe, and we seem so insignicificant compared to it all.

done typing, will not type anymore. does not compute.

i was supposed to stay home and sleep. didnt happen. i am tired.


people get all sorts of crazy when drunk, and start fights. best time to start a fight. when your brain is mush, and you are being silly.

drunk people, chill the eff out, ok? thanx.

work sat + sun = no fun. night!

so, im talking to my friend in blo. hes saying, "life's crazy right now, blah, blah, blah." i thinking, alright the usual.

then...


he says, "im gonna be a daddy."

WHAT? WHAT?????


ok, this is too weird for me. we used to date, or something like that, and we still keep in touch, but what??? um. you idiot. you got your ex pregnant, because you didnt use a condom, and she said she was on the pill. ok. you are only 21. good luck with that.

i want to be supportive, but i was almost in tears. he is just going to become a stereotype, and end up having to drop out of school to support this baby, for his crazy gf, who he isnt even in love with. it just seems shitty.

how sad. im so glad im not preg. if i was, i would say, "bye,bye, baby!"

seriously, i am not in the right place for chlid rearing. not for at least three years, no way.

anyway, now i dont know if i should see him when i come this week, it would be weird. why do people have to go and do stupid shit???

on the upside, e:hodown and i are planning to go on a vaca this spring. i wanna go someplace super fun, and super not in this country! because, now that i work like a mofo, i can afford trips. woot.

also good news, i see the e:peeps so soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what happens when your emergency brake is not fully engaged?


you go to check your mail, and you car rolls backwards down the hills into another car.

like screaming out, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!", was going to stop it.


collision, nope. fucked up car? very.


do not want to go home. must move out/run away to mexico.


my car is sick, and i think i have brain issues.


and im really really scared of what is ging to go down tonight. do not move back in with your parents and develop shopping addictions. word to the wise.

and i just bombed my midterm. lucky me!

on the upside, im really glad there was a large truck there. if not, my car would have sailed through some lucky persons living room!

i think i have had a huge issue with this for a long time. i think since i was able to understand what saying goodbye means.

being back in blo made me realize what amazing people i left behind, and while i think i made the right choice my coming here, i know this week is gonna be really rough.

what will i do without my e:PMT? seriously, its amazing how good of friends we are, and i always have a good time with them.

i also realized i am a huge asshole, and have definitely taken advantage of someone who i thin has always really cared about me. turns out, they are a pretty thoughtful person, and they know me better than most people. but, now i am here, and i will just leave that one up to fate, because its just such a long, long tale with many twists and turns.

so, i am back here, and sunny az, and i will be working my ass off. however, we have already planned a fun winter camping thing, and when i come back it will be for at least a week this time around. three days is not enough time. plus, im sure ill be missing the snow? ok, maybe not, but it will be nice to see!

ill post pics tomorrow, its been a very long day.

why are there balloons still on this thing?

ok, my post trip depression needs to go away. i am displaying some not so good signs:


1. need for sleep all the time. i shouldn't be so tired.

2. need for food all the time. i shouldn't be so hungry. i am going to become a blob full of food. note to self: stop being so goddamn lazy and go hiking. you lazy pathetic piece of shit.

3. need for t.v. grey's or is it gray's and private practice. why live my own life when i can watch make believe ones on t.v.

4. inability to focus on what matters, school and work. i have no desire.

5. no desire to go shopping with birthday money. so wrong.

6. no desire to wear pretty dresses and shoes. even more wrong.

7. feeling like i could cry at any moment.

in conclusion, i am in a rut. i hope said rut only last a few more days. it could be the coming of my period which would also explain a ravenous need for chocolate. i dont like feeling like such a crazy person, and it is unlike me lately.

on the upside, i did get my side of birthday hookup, and it was delish. oh my. i never tire of sexy men, and i wouldnt mind some right now. actually, i think i got the most birthday loving i ever have in my entire life. its funny because i have the ability to get more sex now than when i was in a relationship. the next person i date better be willing to put out when i request.

could i be anymore dramatic? so, i think i should focus on sexy men, and getting my goddamn homework done. im having issues people.

oh, and how embarrassing is it that i like that jordin sparks song? i have a love for bad radio. i think its the teen inside me that refuses to die.

so, i think i am going to see across the universe this weekend, that should help cheer me up. that and some really strong gange.

check it out. e:southernyankee, e:paul, e:terry, and i! woot!

so, all of you more experienced e:strippers, give me some help here!

here is my situation:

i have the opportunity to move out. to a nice apartment in a nice area, with two people i know i will get along with.

however, i have a lot of debt right now. a car to pay off, and get fixed now that i have fucked it up. i have school to focus on, and two jobs as well. moving out would add more stress to my full plate.

moving out would also mean a very very tight budget, and i would have to work even more. i wouldn't be able to eat out, go out, etc, very much at all, but when i did, i would have no one to answer to.

the place is reasonably priced and in a very central area for work and school. but, now i have no furniture but a bed and some other things....

my mom wants me to stay here for a while and get on my feet. i want to move out so i can start my life. i dont know what to do. its not bad here, but who wants to say they live with their parents after a certain age? i feel like a huge loser.

basically, i move out and be broke. or stay here, and save mad money and get a sweet place/move somewhere else for school when i am ready.

what do i do?

i think i am stuck here for a while.