right before my grandma died, i had an awful case of hives. i took everything from steroids to benadryl, and even soaked in oatmeal baths.

now they are back an even worse than the last time. i am covered from head to toe, and lucky me, even on my face. i called into work this morning and then felt guilty about it. not for long, because since about 11am i have also been running a fever.

i have to go to school tomorrow, and i am just praying that they go away because i really don't think being on campus for 6 hours is going to be fun at all. i may have to find a mask to wear or something, or a berka.

the other case of hives ended up being a severe reaction to stress, and i have a feeling that's what this is. i don't really want to spend a week waiting for them to go away. i think i am going to take a xanax tonight, and hopefully they can go away before i wake up.

make the itching stop!!!!!!!!!!

that i could be so stressed that i am making myself sick????


seriously, i have no clue what i could be allergic to.


for the past day two days. my body is attacking me. not just hives but a fever, and upset stomach.

and body aches. it was all i could do to get out of bed this morning.

and i went to bed before 9 last night after spending only two hours awake since 10 am.

i cant call into work anymore and i cant miss class. so i am just going to push through but this really sucks.


what also sucks is having e:hodown nowhere in sight or any friends really. anyone who really gets me.

and although i live with my mom, i never see her, since mon night i've seen her for five minutes this morning. and she will be gone all weekend.

i swear if i wasn't allergic, to everything, including myself i'd go get a dog...

i am now going to do homework and will the hives and fever away!

ever since e:hodown left, i've been hit by this awful wave of depression.

i get down sometimes, but this is really rare. all i want to do is sleep. or go to target. as i just told e:hodown.

and some xanax wouldn't hurt. but she says there things are no good.

i shouldn't even complain about my life, or feel bad about anything. i have it made in the shade.

but i jut get so lonely sometimes. i've only made a few friends, and it is hard. it's hard having to put yourself out there and try to meet new people.

it's also hard not knowing what you want. i really only know what i don't want. -like christina from "vicky christina barcelona"

i thought by 25 i would have more things figured out, but i have nothing figured out.

i want it figured out damn it!

at least i know i want to be a teacher, if i can ever finish school...

and i know i want to stay away from men for a while. they only cause harm.

is up for sale. i read it on perez yesterday.

apparently it was part of the evidence from that big molestation trial. and they are in the original evidence bag and everything. and they are unwashed.


sexy.


i bet some weirdo is gonna pay big bucks for that nastiness.



if you want to know about selling your undies for cash, you can just ask e:paul he did it once or maybe a few times. you can really make some money.

in my current broke state, due to repayment of debt, perhaps i should consider this...

not really though, im just gonna take back my other job.

working at a hospital is many things, and even on the borings days, really weird crap happens.

only in az would you find a baby lizzo running down the hall. i caught it in a cup and set it free. everyone was rooting for me to kill it, but i dont like the kill things. not so much because i don't want it dead, but i fear the feeling of something crunching beneath me.

a little boy was found in the waiting room touching himself and talking dirty. the receptionist found him. he also shut all of the blinds on the day room windows, which is right in front of the nursing station where i work. i went over to open them back up and he grabbed my hands and put them behind my back and told me he was going to lock me up.

what a pleasant little boy.

i took my other job back. my financial aid still hasn't gone through, which means i have paid for my tuition and books with my paychecks. um, my bank account currently has -1.35. i honestly don't think i'm going to get my money until december, which means i am so broke until then. then with the cost of gas and all of the extra driving, this is causing me to end all socialization and extra driving and only go straight to work and school and home.

at least when i do get the money, i will feel rich for a day or two, until i use it to pay bills, and pay more off my car.

the good news is, i will be debt free in one year, and when i am done with school, i can have all of my loans paid off.

in the interest of saving money, i am going to attempt to cut my own hair today. hopefully it turns outs not to crooked in back- it won;t matter so much because it is long, but i swear when the ends get too dry it really becomes a fire hazard- especially in combination with the hair dyer.

oh, and some guy i hung out with a few times last year. i mean last july or something texts me last night and says hi, it took me a while to figure out who it was, and then i was like wtf???? he stood me up on a date and i cut him off, and i have a policy of not redating. he can't find someone else?

off to the self haircut...

ok. so when e:hodown was here, she's on hey lappy, which is the same as mine. i prefer a streamlined look when there are other laptop users around. the momforce is stuck in laptop land circa 8 years ago, but e:hodown has the same lovely macbook as me.

and she has the black one. i like it dark.

anyway, she's looking at all these sites, and she always has the scoop on the nyc social scene. who's awesome, what to wear, and which bloggers we love to hate.

http://nonsociety.com


so it's these three girls who apparently all come from money and they blog about their pointless lives. i must say the techie one seems actually pretty smart, and i guess was super geeky until those other girls got ahold of her and glammed her up a bit.

the other two are insanely annoying. i seriously don't know anyone even here where all the richies live, that can afford to wear jimmy choo, and manolo shoes everyday.

it seems they spend their time picking out outfits and going to fashion shoots and doing juice cleanses, and getting colonics. they range from 22-26ish, and i am just in awe.

i would be totally fine if they were more trashy or slutty or interesting, but the site seems to have no purpose or intellect.

i mean, i will be the first to admit that i would love to be in their shoes, but i would at least do something worthwhile and give to charity or try to give back somehow.

plus, for all of the primping and money they have, i don;t think they look that great.

this site however has some super hot chicks who are stylish, super smart, and funny, and actually care and write about things that matter...

http://jezebel.com


i am still obsessed with nonsociety though.

i need a new web obsession.

i need to get a life of my own.

it scares me how i really think i have entered adulthood. i am now constantly finding things to clean and organize. then when i start i don't stop. i don't think i have had a bathroom or room so clean and organized ever. and i'm thinking of organizing it all by color now.

and this has nothing to do with anything, but i am the first picture/link when you google video chat. i have to avoid ichat now at night, or really all the time, because i get creepy men wanting to video chat with me. thanks e:paul.

i'm taking a children's literature class, and while the professor is really annoying and one of those too happy people, i enjoy the reading assignments.

i just finished, "the daydreamer" by ian mcewan. same guy who wrote atonement.

it's odd because that book was really depressing and a downer, and this book is so cute and fun. it's a collection of shorts stories told through the eyes of a very imaginative young boy.

i found myself laughing out loud many times, and i will definitely by reading this book to my kids one day.

when i was reading it, there were so many times when i remembered being a child and having the same thoughts about random things.

it's an easy read and will definitely keep you entertained, and it's even better when your friends read it too, so you can talk about all of the funny situations!

happy birthday granny. i miss you so much!!

last night i was at my aunt's for a barbeque. i made the mistake of bringing up politics.

boy did i get an ass whooping. i said i thought sarah palin's family seemed trashy. at a table of five born again christian staunch republicans this was clearly a baaaaaad idea. they chewed my ass out so bad.

i just started to laugh because they were getting so angry. i thought i was maybe gonna get licked out of my aunt's house. both of my uncle called me stupid.

i stuck with my guns, and said that i should be praised for speaking my mind in a country where that is my right. my mom was laughing and i could tell she thought everyone else was being insane.

i also said i think george bush is a fumbling idiot. anyone who cannot pronounce the word "nuclear" correctly is not a smarty in my books. they went on to back him and talk about how wrong i am. i have no facts to back up my opinion...

ummm irag? no child left behind? neither remotely worked. or are working, or were ever a good idea.

maybe i'm wrong, but to me republicans reek of big money and corporations, which aren't always bad, but i just don't trust them.

whats important to me is children and education, and i believe that democratic states like new york do that much better than az. the education system here is awful, and with no help from no child left behind which has actually caused huge issues here. kids are being left behind, due to rigorous standardized testing and little focus on other methods of teaching. i love the fact that new york offers so much vocational education, something you rarely see here. new york offers services to so many people.

in the end, republicans just don't want their asses taxed so much. well then, how do they feel about bush's more "democratic" move to bail out wall street?? that's gonna be a shitload of taxpayer dollars.

and if it means a better education for the children of the future, i think more taxes are the least of our worries. i don't need to drive a hummer anyway.

the older i get, the less i have in common with everyone in my extended family, and the more i am grateful to have my sister mom and brother.

sometimes it seems like this world is so messed up, it's gonna just blow up or be blown up real soon.


either that or the second great depression, or some sort of monster plague is headed our way.

maybe i'm just melodramatic.


maybe (almost) everyone in my family is completely losing it, or about to completely lose it.


i think for the first time i'm going to be smart and not buy shit. i'm putting money in the bank tomorrow, and keeping it there.

should i stock pile food too????

and instead of complaining at work, i am going to be sugar sweet. i make ok money, and i need to have a job...

i'm going to hide in my bed now and watch the hills and pretend i own marc jacobs things.