people are being shady this week. i'm always shady, but when it comes to setting a time and date, i commit.

1.) i had a date, but he didn't pick up when i called him after work. i gave him 45 minutes, and then ditched that plan to hang with another guy. if you don't get right back to me, i make other plans.

2.) my boss wants me to call her, and she doesn't pick up or call back. wtf?

3.) i am supposed to go on a fun field trip to the giant mexican market, and i show up at the school today. it turns out, the teacher repeatedly told me the wrong day. she said, friday about 20 times, and friday is tomorrow. today is thursday. please, get your days and times straight lady. of course, no one in the office believed me, and she won't either. i never would have said i could go on thursdays, as i have class and work later, and friday is my only day off.

so, what does this teach us? don't flake out people. if you make a date, stick to it, or else i find fun elsewhere.

p.s. i am now obsessed with shopping online, and have made at least three purchases this week, including clothing, beauty products, and footwear. i need help for my addiction.

i really feel passionate about helping people; special needs children in particular. but honestly, it has gotten to the point where i can't really do my job.

i am trying to help this little girl. what she needs is a strict routine. one that is rich in learning and nurturing, where she gets all of the attention and services she needs. instead, she has parents that wish everyone else, to do the work, and for her to come home and show the progress. in my opinion this is so wrong. the first educator any child has are their parents. you confuse a child by setting standards and then being soft, because you feel bad for your child. this is called spoiling children. it gives them mixed messages. one minute, it is, "eat you dinner". then, the next it is, "she can have whatever, i don't care". this makes no sense. rules are rules. all this does is confuses the child and lets them know that they are in control. then you wonder why they misbehave so much, and then you yell, and they are even more confused.

yelling only does harm, especially to special needs children. they do not understand it; it makes them angry, and they will often shut down.

i have been having feelings like this for a while. i received a huge raise at the hospital, and now that someone is leaving, i can work there full-time.

in a job, i need stability. i feel i have not been treated as well as i should be, and i feel like hired help. i am actually very knowledgeable with special needs children, and pursuing an education towards it. i would like to help people, not listen to an unhappy mother everyday. i do not like being in a house with unhappy people, and have to listen to their constant bitching and complaining. if kids are too much, why did you have them?

i love this little girl, but the healing needs to take place with the family, and i cannot help until that happens.

it is going to be ugly when i quit. of course i will not say any of this. but i just needed to get it off my chest.

my heart breaks for kids when i see such poor parenting. if i have kids, i really really want to do it right. i want to be kind and patient, and loving and understanding. i want to teach my children to be the same way. after much thought, i just don't think families work so well when both parents work full-time. someone else is raising your kid.

i could write a book on this, but i will stop now. but, my point is that it will be sad, but i feel it is a step up for me. to have one steady job, where i make decent money. and i am not caught it the crossfire of parents, ever.

it looks like my wish may be granted. i am really hoping that the job with the hospital comes through. it would mean full-time with benefits, if i want, or i can stay on as pool and keep the higher pay rate. either way it's a sweet deal. i would make between 30 and 40 grand a year. not bad for a student.

i could pay for school out of pocket and start saving money and even pay off loans and credit card debt. i know it would be a lot of responsibility, and hard work, but i think i am up for the challenge!

also, i received a 100 on my presentation today! score!

if i get the job, some serious celebration will be needed soon.

this also means i must quit/cut back at other job. i will give the family through the summer to find someone else, and i think that is pretty fair.

if i work two jobs, it will be insane, like working 6 or 7 days a week, but that mad cash money. as much as i hate the thought, money really does help, and financial freedom is my goal.

i am speaking too much like a real adult, so i have to end this post.

ps. i love bacon, and that will never change.