i got home very late last night. it seems nobody ever wants to drive me to/pick me up from the airport. i do it all the time, but alas, i feel that i always put in way more than i get, from anything or anyone these days.
i took a cab home, which was actually fine, because i was really tired and didnt feel like talking to anyone.
the longer i stay here, the more i feel like i dont have enough friends. or really anybody to be there when i really need it. its ok because i learned to be fine on my own, but it would be so nice to live near my sister, or mother and have a friend/loved one always around. i guess im not the kind of person who likes to be fiercely independant. i like knowing that i can get help if i need it. plus, i want to be there for my family as well. i miss them so fucking much i think it actually hurts.
i know i always say, im not going to stay, but this time i really cant. buffalo is such a small little bubble, and i feel like i owe it to myself to want/have more. its so clliquey, and gossipy. i cant leave the house w/o seeing somebody i know, and half of them i dont want to see.
the problem is, where to go? new york is amazing and has basically everything i love, however, i just dont know if i can handle it there. its so big and busy and crowded, and expensive. arizona is beautiful and so is the weather, but it lacks the feel of an old city, which i love. the jobs there are plenty, and the pay is great. i wouldnt be poor like in ny.
i have a huge decision to make, and not very much time to do it.
p.s. the site looks really nice
e:paul!