I woke up sweaty and full of anxiety. I had tears in my eyes. I had a bad dream. Not like the nightmares I had recently, but it was bad. It was chock full of betrayal by people I love. Holy chipmunks on crack Batman, it was that awful! It opened a well of emotions I hoped would remain closed. Why?

I had coffee with e:Joshua recently and somehow our topic of conversation turned to relationships. Issues of trust, betrayal, abandonment, cheating, lying, fighting, living together...you name it, it was discussed. I brought up stories of people I hadn't thought about in yeeeeeeears.

The things I wish I had the confidence to say back then. I was only 22, what did I know? He cheated on me, only I caught him with the latest flavor. There were 4 more previous to her. What was the point of being in a relationship for 3 years if you really just wanted to NOT be in one?

What I expressed to Josh was the reasoning that if you live in constant fear that your significant other is unfaithful, you have nothing. I never thought about those things because I had to base our relationship on trust and friendship; I was in it 110%.

Paul! I really do hope your marriage is working out and that she is the 'something better' that came along.

Paul and I were also together for 3 years. We were a great team. We never argued but were able to disagree peacefully. One day, out of nowhere, I get "I'm just a guy in my 20's - what if something better comes along?" But, there was already someone new, not 'what if'. Ouch.

I really struggled with this one. On one hand I was completely and utterly humiliated because he basically told me I was just a pleasantry on his journey to true happiness. On the other, although really shitty, he was honest. As it turned out he pursued his new fancy to no avail. 6 months later he came back with, "I made a mistake".

This was incredibly difficult to hear. However, I had come to accept our separation without tears. It was just too little too late. Almost every girl I know would have taken him back. They would take him back because they would feel triumphant. It's easy to go back to what you know, where you felt safe, where you once felt loved. I couldn't take him back because I realized however lame the reason sounded to me, it was reason enough. It ended because it was time for it to end. I was 26.

Now that you've read about my two longest relationships, let us get back to the well of emotions unearthed in my sleep last night. I dreamed that everyone I knew, all of my friends, the distant ones as well as the close ones, betrayed me in some form or another. I felt so isolated, so alone. I had no one to talk to.

This has been the longest travel treck of my life. I have been up for 46 hours, in transit for 25 of those! I landed safely in Doha after a stop in Newark and Paris. My feet are puffed up like Macy's Day Parade balloons. My luggage didn't make it with. It's still in Paris. The next flight doesn't arrive until 7pm tomorrow.

I begin my interviewing at 9am. I had my suit with me, and a change of underware, but no shoes or shirt. So...Kevin and Kristin said, "whatever, you came prepared enough, they'll understand". So, I shall make my power point presentation to the lot of them wearing a stinky shirt that I've been in for 35 hours and my blue crocs. Yesssssss!

Best part is, they hook me up in this sweet hotel. It's beautiful. They gave me a cell phone and laptop, paid for the internet and any room service I want. Only downer thus far is that I was so desperate to take a nice warm shower to relax...and nothing but a tiny trickle came out, then stopped. I called the front desk and they said a water main broke and they are trying to fix it.

THIS is what I call adventuring! At least they have these nice fluffy robes. So I'm walking around in that to at least let my shirt breath. I guess I'll have to sleep in the buff.

I managed to get a tooth care kit but they don't have deoderant. What do I need more right now if I can't take a shower! Ha. I also won't have a comb or any make-up for tomorrow. So I'll have to charm their pants off with my humor and intelligence.

Ok, seriously, it's almost 1am and I have a breakfast meeting at 8am. MUST SLEEP! Oh, and it's averaging about 105 degrees. I'm SO gonna smell funky

Ciao, LC

I got up this morning, still no bath water. So I took a sponge bath out of the sink. Couldn't wash my hair but I still don't have a comb anyway...

I wrapped my stinky shirt around one of these scented soaps so that it would act as a perfume. It helped a little. I must say I was looking quite stylish in my black suit, grey shirt, white socks and blue crocs. Oh yes, I did.

We checked on my luggage and found out that Paris doesn't actually have it. In fact, it is 'missing' altogether. They can't seem to track it down, even though we live in the modern age of bar codes and scanners. It's entertaining really.

I've been able to make a great impression on everyone regardless of the threads. I made my power point presentation, 15 minutes on the nose! I didn't realize I would be presenting in a high-tech lecture hall, complete with an audience of 20! Yah, can't lie, I was nervous. Then they questioned me for an additional 30 minutes.

I had to take a tour of Education City, walking for many parts of it. Remember, I'm wearing a black polyester suit. It was 106 today. Mmhmm. I sweated like a prostitute in church.

In light of my dissapearing luggage act Kristin took me shopping to find replacements for tomorrow's interviews. She also gave me a pair of flip flops.

We went out to dinner at a place that reminded me so much of Sahara Grill. The instant they opened the door I smelled it. That delicious and sweet scent that only the hookah can produce. Oh yaaaah. I had a new drink, lemonade with mint. Refreshing.

I finally got back to my room around 9pm. The water was on! I'm all clean, have fresh clothes to wear tomorrow and am no longer nervous because that presentation is over. Woot!

The people here are so incredibly friendly!! And if you want to know just how small our world really is...I met not one, not two, but three....THREE people, not Americans, who attended school in Buffalo! :O

Ok, it's 10pm, I am thuroughly exhausted and I have another 8am breakfast meeting. In other words, I'm outie.

Ciao, timika

Yah, I said my happies to Jenks but it slipped my mind that cinco is also Codypomeray's b-day! You know I would have texted you if I was in the country

So I just reviewed my journal from this time last year. It's amazing. I remember being that shadow of a person, trapped within myself. I'm not all better, but I am much better. Look at me now for Pete's sake. I'm sitting in a posh hotel in freaking Doha, Qatar!

You really don't know what is around the next corner in your life. You shouldn't take people for granted, you should appreciate each day - shitty or grand, you should take the time to tell someone what they mean to you. It's not all sentimental feelings, I don't do that anymore. I just remember thinking as my plane took off from the Buffalo airport that if I am offered this job (I will take it) I will be away from the things I know here.

I don't get homesick. I adapt very easily to new environments and make friends easily. What I'm really thinking about here is what I will mean to you when I'm gone. Will you think of me at all? Will you forget about me because I'm not around? Will you miss me? Or will life simply carry on as if I had never been there at all? I will return. It will not be 'good-bye'. It will be 'till we meet again'.

Enough of that. Let me tell you my luggage finally arrived tonight! Safe and sound. They found it somewhere in the world and shipped it via Air-France. Qatar Airways says they will reimburse me $100 for the clothes I had to buy. I hope it's true! Tomorrow will be my last day for interviews, then it's time to explore more of Doha. I will also connect with my Aunt and Uncle that just moved here.

Oh! Remember last post how I talked about meeting 3 people that had gone to school in Buffalo? Today I had an interview with all of the RA's, and one of them actually attended Texas A&M Univ- Corpus Christi!!! My God this world really is small! Amazing.

Sleep well my fellow strippers, I shall see you in a few days. I think it is near time for a party. I think the 333 will be hosting one first week of June. Keep your calendars open!

Ciao- LC

I drafted this great entry yesterday but as we have all experienced at one point, it went POOF. So...this is the short-short version.

My flight from Doha was delayed 1.5 hours. I had been awake 26 hours when it left. I arrived in Berlin late, obviously. They already closed check-in and the woman was accusing me of suspicious activity. She claimed I landed on time. After much fuss and interogation (not kidding) they allowed me to board.

My heart sank when I walked on a fucking 737-300! Basically, that's 3 seats, isle, 3 seats. The kind of plane you take domestically. I wanted to cry when the pilot said it would take us 9 hours to get to New York. U.S. immigration hassled me about being in the middle east. He felt almost hostile.

I suffered the most intense deep vein thrombosis I've ever experienced in my life. My legs were swollen from the knee down. I had no ankles and my toes looked like little vienna sausages. I'm glad to be home!

Without further ado, some photos of my adventure.


my hotel room was snazzy


their version of toilet paper
actually quite refreshing when you have to number 2


didn't even notice this until day 2, it points to mecca


potential supervisor, funny as hell this guy!


view from my window


preparing for my presentation


wearing this! proof of my incredible interview outfit


this is the bigger version of the lecture hall i was in


everything is under construction, this will be the new graduation and ceremonies center


traffic is a bear but not as bad as cairo


i did a double take at this sign


another potential supervisor


skyline at night


potential co-worker


another potential co-worker


doha recently hosted the asian games and built all these structures for it, now they are taking them down, what a waste


how very dr. seuss, apparently the largest 'crooked' buildings in the world


sailing is big there


met up with my aunt and uncle for dinner


the beaches are beautiful

I am the QUEEN of dvd slideshows! Honk-honk. I just made the most spectacular show for my graduation ceremony. I wish I could have made it a short film of about 30 minutes but I was limited to 10. Hey, I have to tell myself I'm proud of my hard work, no one else will

T-minus 46 hours til graduation. Hallelujah!

I woke up this morning, sweating, heart racing - I had another bad dream. I opened my e-mail and read the following message:

"Are things now cold with us? You must know our relationship is at an end. I was being gentleman to not speak until you realized. Realized and then apologized for it."

I'm so sick of these dreams. Who is this phantom writer that likes to send me rain parades? Is it me trying to thwart my feelings about people? Is it my intuition speaking for other people? It didn't end there. Upon reading this e-mail the room I was in started to flood. Almost immediately water was at my neck. I tried to swim but the current pushed me against the far wall. The room continued to fill and I was desperately gasping for one last breath at the ceiling. If my phone hadn't woken me I am certain I would have drowned.

Here are some random pics of recent days. Enjoy.


carey and i made voodoo dolls


rick and i stuffed ryan in my trunk


that's a big match


i graduated, again...that's my dad and nephew


carey took me to dinner at fridays to celebrate


we both got sick because of their skunktified health code violations


my nephew ate yams and his nose turned orange


celebrations with kook


lilho had a yardsale


and my friend jay sent me this pic from his ruby match. that's hot.

todays quote:
Sometimes I feel like a piece of steak, precariously placed on a conspicuous plate at a pot-luck for a bunch of vegans - Ani

Punk-shit-cock-sucking-mother-fucker-what-the-FUCK!

My 'contract' ended 2 weeks ago. I graduated 1 week ago. Yet here I sit, UNPAID, doing work. My fault, I know. I should just tell them to go fuck themselves. I almost did when my boss walked in today and said to me, "Well, you can come in tomorrow can't you? You have to help Nina learn this stuff since you came in late today and she didn't get a full 2 hours with you."

I shit you not, that's a direct quote. Let's start with A: I don't work here anymore! B: Since I do not work I do not have a schedule. C: I told you I would be here between 11am and 11:30pm, I showed up at 11:15am.

That's it. Tomorrow, I'll show up, for 1 hour. I'll show Nina everything that is laid out for her. Everything that is so up to date and even planned ahead that she doesn't have to do anything. I even left her my 'Pearls of Wisdom' folder that has all my secret cheat sheets I created after learning thing the HARD way. Grrrrr.

I found a lost picture from Orlando. Carey and I were waiting in line for the Shrek 4-D show when this dude wheels his kid up to the buggie parking zone and just walks away. The kid is tucked in the middle there.

I thought I'd paint the stairs to the basement to make them look a little less creepy. My plan was to leave the center of the steps clear and just paint the sides, then vice versa the next day. I finish the top step and decide to call it quits for the day. Then... Boom-shaka-laka! The entire contents of the nearly full gallon of paint went crashing down the stairs. More specifically it seemed to land primarly right down the center. Mmm-hm. Took me another hour to clean that mess up. Weee! Wouldn't be me if it didn't happen

My thought for today: Why is it almost impossible to shake a bugar from your finger? It just moves to the next finger and back and forth. I think I want to investigate the glue like properties of snot and turn it into super glue. It seems to work better.