Well, I hope everyone had a safe and fun holiday. It looks like the NYE PMT Party was a smash hit, and that everyone had a blast. Good! Now, I have noticed a trend of me not being at a PMT party, and someday I will have to rectify that shit, but this time I had a good excuse: I am now off the market for the time being, and I had to go out with the girlfriend. Yes I said it, and it is kind of weird because I haven't had a girlfriend since 2002.

I know I said I would talk about my private life less, but that day is not today. The convo went something like this:

Her: So, I'm just a drinking buddy with benefits, huh?
Me: (Laughing) No no no, not true, not true.
Her: Good, because I was going to cut my losses if that were true.
Me: (Laughing, Nervously) What, you thought I didn't like you?
Her: (Looking Sheepish) Well, I don't know.....
Me: Yes, I think you're great, and I do want to be with you but I haven't had a girlfriend in a long time so I'm nervous.
Her: You don't have to be nervous.
Me: Well, good, because I've been calling you my girlfriend for two weeks now already.
Her: Now you can get laid pretty much whenever you want.
Me: COOL!

So I ended up meeting some of her friends out for New Year's, going to Faherty's, then Goodbar (where my friends where) and then back to her place. All in all a good evening, but I'm sure the e-peep party was fantastic as well.

An aside: I just can't believe that shit e:Lilho wrote about her friend and her ex. Brutal! That is an absolute No-No among guys, you do not even deal with your friend's ex, let alone start fucking them. And what's that shit about the loose pussy and big black cock? If he had any bollocks he should have gotten them kicked in for that little comment. Even for someone of my class (low), I think that is absolutely shocking. Darling you are far better off without them.

It's still the best policy when it comes to women. If there is one thing you can almost always bet on, it's that she has some people on the back burner just in case you fuck up. I have to admit that I am very, very uncomfortable with this, almost to the point where I would rather not bother.

No, nothing is "wrong" per se, so don't worry about me folks. I just don't like the idea of a back burner. Before I even bother to commit emotionally to someone I have to know that I'm the only one. When I date I am a one woman kind of guy. I suppose I should get some interesting backups lined up in case I get kicked to the curb for someone more preferable.

I don't even know why I feel this way.

Gratitude is the foundation.

Was tired and not feeling all that well Saturday, so I didn't think to call her. We were supposed to hang out. I spent yesterday wondering what to say or how to say it, basically I blew it and blew it worse by freezing up and not saying anything instead of telling her something to the effect of "Well can we hang out tomorrow? I am really tired and not feeling well."

Now she thinks something is up. I am such an idiot.

For some reason.

Anyhow, I'm not intentionally trying to be harsh to anyone. I drop F-bombs in everyday language, and of course not everyone knows that. Lord knows I've made my glowing opinions of certain people known, so it has nothing to do with any kind of malicious intent.

For me, it's not like Sean is a jerk, or a shitty personality in any way whatsoever, so I do not at all understand the abuse hurled towards him. It gives us a window into one of the darkest aspects of humanity - the need to tear down people with a positive vision. We revel in our negativity, especially here in Buffalo, where we hate who we are, and have very little tolerance for anything different.

We just celebrated MLK Jr. Day - one of the greatest Americans in history, and someone I idolize, was killed in cold blood - and WHY WAS THIS? Because he dared to dream of a future that included a united humanity, little black boys and little white boys playing together side by side. Only after the fact do we understand how terrible our mistakes were, and how foolish we have been. This is not a Sean/MLK comparison, rather an illustration of how we view people who aren't a stick in the mud.

In fact, I would go as far as to say that he's one of (if not the most) positive thinkers we have here at the moment. Not everyone is content to be pissed off or bitter at the world, and frankly I think that Sean has some very practical and useful things to say. Take for example one of his most common themes - Gratitude. We so often focus on how unhappy we are, dwelling on how people have wronged us, or on how empty our wallets are. Woe is me, do I ever have something to be pissed off about. The negative - now THAT'S reality. I say BULLSHIT. It is only half of the reality, which is that there are blessings and curses in life, and how we deal with them will determine whether we are happy or sad, a success or a failure. Duality is human nature, so wake up and recognize it. Be grateful for the blessings in your life, and don't treat the negative like it has a vice grip around your throat, choking you to death.

I think I know the problem, and it is the language and the context used. I guarantee I could take something he wrote, use my own language, and have people nodding in agreement. People react to New Age Spirituality (NAS, lol, I invented an Acro) very negatively, and very sharply, and for good reason. For every useful piece of information, and good contact you can make with another human being, there is someone else waiting to fool you and rip you off. The room is cluttered with mess. Not everyone is equipped to deal with them in a way that will allow us to determine the good from the bad.

There is an easy way to figure this out, and it has to do with motivation. What is the motivation for the person to offer you information? Is he trying to get you to buy something, or to exert some kind of control over you? Is he acting out of fear? Does he simply care about you, and want to see you happy and fulfilled? We don't know what the motivation is in all cases, and that's vitally important.

Anyway, I didn't mean to be so long winded, but what I'm asking for is simple tolerance for a person who seems like a decent enough guy, and doesn't think of it as his mission to shit on what someone else writes. I personally don't give a fuck about fashion, environmentalism, or for that matter most topics people discuss. I don't think people really care about my relationship stories, or in the past my endless droning about my depression and subsequent recovery. However, there is a basic respect that people show me, which I am GRATEFUL for, because we all know that this is a place to express ourselves and learn from one another. I know that I can look at any one of you and see part of myself, past, present, or future.

Be Kind, Please.