Not that I believe in marriage as an institution, but a couple of friends have been married this year and it's made me think of what kind of ordeal I would be willing to go through. It is absolutely ridiculous that it's even crossing my mind, but a hypothetical is harmless, so let's entertain it.

I know for sure I wouldn't want a full-blown, all out wedding and reception deal like most people get. It seems like the most stressful thing in the world to plan out, plus as the groom you're relegated to accessory status. At most weddings, the groom might as well be a cardboard cutout wearing a tux and a smile.

Think about it for a moment - why do people make these decisions? Because it's almost a societal obligation. Because it's tradition. Because it is what we are supposed to do. Wear a tux, go to a church, say your vows, throw a party you cannot afford after the ceremony, and live the same bullshit cookie cutter existence as everyone else thereafter, rarely leaving the house again and sharing dull stories about trips to Lowe's. Sign me up!!

How many times have you heard a wedding referred to as having qualities that represent something about the couple? Make it personal, they say. I've been to a lot of weddings, and following this thought to its conclusion every one of them must have been the same fucking couple. Very little changes from one wedding to another, only the quality of the booze and the number of girls.

Another friend got married recently. She eloped. Got on a plane, went on a Hawaii vacation, and got married with her toes in the sand. Very few if any guests. This is more in line with what I would do. Have a few close friends there only, and have a private ceremony on the beach. Regardless of whether or not it's original, it's better than the big, stuffy, nerve wracking big deal of a wedding, no?

Since I guess I'm back on a political kick for a few days....I want to ask you if you've heard this argument before:

"Homosexuals have the same rights as Heterosexuals when it comes to marriage. They can marry anyone of the opposite sex just like we can. They're asking for SPECIAL rights."

This "logic" makes me very angry. Whenever you hear this argument, this is how you reply:

"Sure, and blacks had the right to marry someone of their own race, just like whites, until Loving v. Virginia"

When you are female and break up with a guy, why do you then complain about being single or solicit sympathy? HELLOOOO, it was your decision! You got what you wanted! Why should you feel bad, and why should someone feel badly for you? This makes me raise a curious eyebrow. I'll never understand this, nor do I want to, because whenever I've broken up with someone I've been really happy about it, with waves of relief washing over me.

I didn't completely flip out during the last road race, even though I sat there in park for 25 minutes! I've been meaning to tell you all about this achievement. It was just a gorgeous day, sun shining, mild temps, and I had my iPhone plugged into the car stereo. It is, of course, still an unacceptable and utterly thoughtless interruption of the neighborhood, and it still boggles the mind why people can't get their shit together and ensure the hood can still operate properly during their race.

However, I decided that shitting my pants about it like the guy behind me wouldn't help the situation. So I started blasting "Eye of the Tiger" through the stereo to try and pump up the runners. Some got the humor in it and others looked annoyed, not like I give a damn about their feelings. I thought it was funny. Oh, and all of the girls in short short shorts REALLY helped to alleviate my pain. If you're a leg and butt man, you were in heaven. Hmm. Is it too late to change my mind and like road races?

At least I think it is. I'm no doctor. I keep on waking up in the middle of the night. Every night. And last night I couldn't fall asleep until 4 AM, giving me only 3 hours of sleep. It's only 10 after 9 and I can already tell I'm going to be dragging. I get cranky when I'm tired. Hopefully, I will catch a second wind after the rehearsal dinner and be up for some partying.