So for the past few weeks/months I've been seeing this dude. He's 40. I mention his age because quite frankly if I told this story and didn't mention his age you'd think I was talking about someone who was 23.

Ok back to the story. So as I said we've been seeing each other for a while. Right before I went to AZ on vacation we had a little incident where we were going to hang out and have dinner together at my place. Long story short he was 3 hours late because he stopped to eat on the way to my place because he was hungry. Apparently they don't make apples to go, you have to stay at the tree they were grown on and eat them there. Previous to this he was also mega late to meet me and my friends in Queens (he shows up as we are ready to leave). Pretty much I was done which this behavior. Then I got drunk and needed someplace to stay at 2am on a week night and just like that it was sorta back on.

Last time I saw/spoke to him was Labor Day weekend. Friday of that weekend. Where he was once again late to meet me and my friends. And they seemed kinda sketched out by him. I was like whatever, another one bites the dust. He didnt call or anything either until Saturday night when I get a text from him: "Hi Do you have fun plans tonight? I do!" Huh? What is that? So I just dont respond because really you dont talk to me for over a week then you send me a text? Then today I get an email from him:

Subject: Hi Sexy!
How are you? :D
Do you know that there's a Hello Kitty section at Toys R Us in Times Square?
♥ Jared

My thoughts:
What is this email? It's retarded and it bothers me. Plus we havent actually spoken in forever.

Because I'm bored at work I reply back. My intended tone was to be jerkish. As you'll read below it didnt work.

My Reply:
I do. There's one in FAO and a free standing store too.
Im fine. How are you?

His Reply:
You have Kitty Stations.
I'm goood. muah!

WTF is/are Kitty Stations? Why all the smiley face useage? muah? I thought only 16 year old girls texting their boyfriends used that term. Im not exactly sure what it even means. Now he bothers me. What 40 year old conducts himself like this? I feel like at some point Im going to have to have the "please don't contact me ever" conversation with him.

You must watch. Highly entertaining. I propose we send it to the Academy for consideration.

Back to my "Robots will someday rule the Earth" paranoia.

Already they are taking over the phones in Williamsburg.

Pictures of the cheese sent to me by my married co-worker.

Nothing says I'm hot for you like cheese.

The one picture I took while on vacation in AZ. This is the spa I spent the day at with Momma Ho.

Be jealous bitches.

For a while now I've been keeping a secret. I started watching The Hills on MTV. I didn't want to watch it or like it. One saturday afternoon by accident I watched an episode and it was downhill from there. I know it's fake and horrible and shows everything thats wrong with our society and kids and all that, but I can't stop.

Please click on the link below to view a dramatic moment where Heidi gets the "you know youre a bitch right" talk from a co-worker. It's totally awesome.

Ok I know Sex in the City is soo 2001, and really it shows this fake life of a New York woman, but it's kinda like porn for women. That being said today I saw them filming at Tiffanys. I work right across the street and had to run errands for my boss so I stopped by. It was the first time I've ever seen paparazzi up close and personal. I also saw SJP, which I think means that Big and her are shopping for wedding rings. Now I kinda can't wait to see the movie. It probably will be horrible and cheesy, but I am going to enjoy every stinking minute of it.

Instead of working I'm reading the NYT. Well actually I am working, just taking a little break and reading the NYT. Anyways in the style section theres an article about THE BEST WEBSITE EVER. It's an ecard site. Now normally I hate those things. Gay (and I mean dumb, not homosexual) dancing cats with rainbows and songs flash across your screen wishing you a happy day. F that I hate cats and songs combined. Add in some dancing and I'm ready to stab myself in the eye with what ever is nearest to me.

Those days are over. Some genius has come up with a perfect ecard site. You know its a good site when it has a category named "cry for help" (cards in this category read "Let's constantly turn the conversation back to me" & "Theres nothing quite as sad as our happy hours"). Awesome. I highly suggest you "take a break from work" aka goof off and go to this site: www.someecards.com. Oh and if you ever want to send me an e card the new rule is it has to be from that site.

Below is a card I have in mind for a few co-workers:

Bishop Allen
September 29th @ The Icon
Be there or be square

Last night as I was watching Dr. 90210 on E! I discovered Angie Everheart has TMJ. Now I should probably be embarassed that I know all about Dr. Ray and his sham of a marriage and his neglicted kids, but I'm not. I like reality TV. That being said I hope word doesnt get out about my shameful TV habits. If I were ever to be questioned about it I'd swear that the only thing this week I watched was Ken Burn's "The War" on PBS.

Anyways last nights episode actually gave me some amazing information. #1 Angie Everheart has TMJ. I felt validated. Basically every day of my life my jaw is in pain. It hurts all the time. Sometimes it hurts less and sometimes it hurts more, but it always hurts. Angie said pretty much the same thing. Now to bring it back to Dr. 90210 she was in the show because she was getting Botox injections for her pain. Apparently Botox relaxes the muscle and you get relief for about a month or so. I was amazed watching this for 2 reasons. #1 I now have a legit reason to get Botox. #2 There might actually be a solution to my chronic jaw clenching.

Fast foward to this morning. I decide to google Botox and TMJ because if Google can find it, surely it must be true. There is actually quite a bit out there on this treatment and it seems to work. But really thats not the point. The point is TMJ has a Myspace page. WTF? Really are there a lot of Myspacers out there like "I want TMJ to be my friend."? Anyways if you have any interest in checking out TMJ on Myspace: