I'm about to get a new cellphone with video capabilities.
So I hope I'll use it and blog here with it. I'll find out how. Somehow.

I only ever post bitchy rants on here, but hopefully once I can video things, I'll have more amusing things to post.

I mostly just wanted to post that e:zobar has, in fact, actually gone out and rented himself a pink bunny suit. He is entirely not kidding.
Anyone who wants to see e:zobar in a pink bunny suit should hie themselves to Rainbow Rink on the 31st because he will be wearing it there, then.

Also this bout is going to be awesome.


Otherwise I have little to say, except that I finally went to the doctor after like five years of not having any medical care, and I remember why I never go to the doctor.
I went because my knees have been really bothering me this past week. They've just been super sore, to the point that i was limping, and after limping for a 6-hour shift, my back and my sciatic nerve have been giving me all kinds of grief. So I figured, I'd better get a medical opinion.

The doctor said it was probably overuse and I should cut back on my exercise.
Then she glanced at my chart, saw how much I weighed, and asked how tall I was. When I answered, she said, 'You know you're overweight so you should diet and exercise more.'

I ask you this in complete sincerity: HOW am I supposed to both cut back on my exercise, and exercise more?

And how come she had to find out how tall I was before she could decide if I was fat or not? She'd just been examining me, right? Am I fat, or not? It seems like you should be able to tell on sight whether someone's really obese or not.

I'm sorry to rant about it, but I'm really upset now, because it's taken me a long time to become comfortable with myself. The Internet informs me that since I'm five feet seven and female, I should weigh 150 pounds, or somewhere between 120 and 166, depending on the chart.
By those calculations, the fact that I'm 190 pounds means I'm grossly obese. (As an aside, I can assure you, with complete horror, that I would be DEAD before I was 120 pounds. I have not been 120 pounds since grade school.)
But then other handy dandy online obesity calculators, upon hearing that my waist size is 33, tell me I'm only borderline overweight.
(They only want my waist measurement, though. They don't care how tall I am. Which makes me suspicious of how they could even tell anything at all from that number.)


And another thing that irks me is that I know my boobs weigh at least 20 pounds (don't ask how I measured that). The smaller my waist gets (and it has gotten a bit smaller these last six months as I've upped my exercise although my weight hasn't changed), the larger, by proportion, my boobs get-- that overbust measurement just won't budge no matter what I do. So I'm sliding from a 38DDD to a 36F to a 34FF/G, with no increase in actual breast size, because as the band size decreases, you have to raise the cup size in order to contain the same actual volume of breast tissue.
(If I exercise more I'll become a complete and total freak and won't be able to buy bras anywhere AUGGGHHH. I am a G now! Do you know what that means! It means only bad things! BAD THINGS!)


But nobody, not calculators, not doctors, not nobody, wants to take into account 20 pounds of boobs or a pair of heavily-muscled legs, in determining whether I'm overweight or not. So I'm stuck with the label now of Clinically Fat, and am still trying to work out how I can simultaneously exercise more <i>and</i> less.

I don't know if that's legible but it's the poster for the upcoming bout. Which will be awesome. I am not kidding. I'm not even talking about e:zobar in a bunny suit or any of that-- I'm talking about the sport. I'm saying, if you saw the last bout or if you didn't, we are so much more confident, competent, and fast now, we are a vicious unstoppable force of awesomeness, and anyone who takes sports in Buffalo seriously shouldn't miss this.

Tickets are available online for a fifty-cent surcharge. You order them there, they get your name, you can pick up the tickets at the will-call line. Get there at 6:15 to get in line! We're getting everyone in the door this time. Halftime show by Blue Rocket Trio.


But there's another event that some of you might be interested in as well, which is somewhat roller-derby related:

On the 30th, the day before the bout, Jackdaw is playing Mohawk Place. Their piper (Dave Moore, roommate of one Holly Lulu, outside blocker for the Knockouts) did the graphic design for the logo for the Nickel City Knockouts, and we owe him a few drinks, so the entire NCKO team is coming, in our brand new uniforms (which we're not getting until the day before......), to rock the fuck out with Jackdaw.
So anyone's up for that, it should be a good time.

I've still never seen Jackdaw live, so I'm really looking forward to that.

Our bout afterparty is at Mohawk Place too, so there's a reduced admission with one of our ticket stubs.
Never been to Mohawk Place before, so twice in two days will be pretty interesting.

See poster, previous draft. I suppose it would be gauche to post it again. Nickel City Knockouts vs. Suicidal Saucies, 7 pm Saturday, Rainbow Rink (just off the Twin City Hwy).

The Knockouts got our team uniforms tonight!!! They are HOT. I am not just saying that. Dave from Jackdaw did the design and the screens, and some of you may be familiar with the caliber of his work from the Jackdaw merch: Our uniforms are beautifully screenprinted, impeccably designed, and absolutely gorgeous.

Much of the team will be out tomorrow night in uniform at the Jackdaw show at Mohawk Place, so if you're curious, you know where to find us. I hear that Jackdaw inspires spontaneous dancing and also spontaneous makeouts. I hope not to be disappointed. I will be wearing a very, very, very short skirt with a set of brass knuckles screenprinted on the ass, so I should be easy to find for the aforementioned spontaneous dancing.
I am kind of getting over a cold so maybe you might want to hold off on the spontaneous makeouts. But we'll see. Alcohol kills germs, after all.

I've been meaning to get to a Jackdaw show for over a year, so, I guess that's a minor indicator of just how extremely lame I am. Nevertheless, I am excited. And also will be wearing an exceedingly hot uniform. So consider the excitement exponentially increased. I can't sleep because I can't wait to skate. I can't wait. It is going to be AWESOME.

But I made a vow to avoid capslock, so I had better stop squeeing now.