It seems as if the harder I try with men, the more and more it fails. I am done trying. If you want to be with me, that's on you. I am a sweet girl with a good heart, but am not going to get trampled on anymore.

So, another failed relationship. And it's funny, this one even wanted to get married in May just a few weeks ago. I don't get it. whatever.

In other news, I shrunk my fav wool sweater on accident- I threw it in the dryer totally forgetting it was in the washer, and now it's barbie doll size. Awesome.

Oh, I moved back in with mom, after everything is said and done, I am better off. Things didn't work out with the man, and having the support from mama and not paying rent is a good thing right now, you know? Plus the pups love it. They actually have a backyard to run in.

I have a wedding to go to Saturday. It's one of my childhood best friends. I am really happy for her, she seems so happy and ready to do it up with her soon-to-be husband, but I can't help but feel horrible for myself about the whole situation. Now I have to scrounge for a date less than a week till the wedding. I would go solo, but the brides brother was my first love- dated for 8 years as kids- high school sweethearts. He has a gorgeous gf now, and where does that leave me? A fat mess with no date. Awesome.

At least it's fall. I love this time of year. I sure with e:lilho was here though. I miss you so much dear! I am going to have to come, maybe in November? I can get my ticket next paycheck, so start looking at dates. I will take a long weekend. I need it- for sure....

Oh, and the clarisonic brush is still the object of my affection. I love it. My skin has been really nice lately, still a few break outs, but considering it was an uphill battle everyday, I would have to say it's a huge improvement.

Sorry for my negativity. I am so sick of being burned, especially by people who are supposed to take care of you and treat you like gold. FUCK OFF! Ugh. It will fade soon enough.

Have a good day e:peeps

So, follow up from my last post, of course he came crawling, and of course I gave him a shot....saturday was on of my childhood best friends, shauna, wedding...and shauna happens to be the sister of my first boyfriend, Ian, who I dated for 7 years...and who has a beautiful girlfriend now. So I told morgan months ago how important it was I didn't go to this wedding alone...I gave him ample opportunity to back out with enough time to find someone else to go....in fact, I had 3 other potential dates ready to go.... but I decide I want Morgan to go really bad since we were working things out, and of course he waits till an hour before the wedding to tell me he isn't going- by email. We were fine (cuddling, being cute, we even went wedding outfit shopping for each other) up until saturday morning. no call, no show, just an email. Didn't hear from him at all until this morning, but at this point there is a whole other issue way more intense than that going on....

So, a few of you may recall I lived in Vegas for a few years with my ex boyfriend of many years, Daniel. We had met my freshmen year of college in Plattsburgh, fell in love, moved in together, adopted 3 puppies together, moved to vegas together, and went shopping on a weekly if not bi-daily basis together....we were tight buds among many other titles....but When we left vegas, I wanted to go home to Buffalo, but he wanted big things in NYC, so we decided to call it quits and maybe at some point and time we would find our way back to each other... well, he was killed in a car accident saturday night in poughkeepsie- he was walking across the road to get to a corner store and got ran over by an old lady and he died on impact.

I am devastated. Thankfully we had stayed in touch, and just this week spoke about how we missed each other and wanted to see each other soon....it just sucks so bad...obviously you try not to think about the what if's and the should have's, but I can't help but replay everything between he and I through my mind over and over. I am just so sad I can't even think about anything else... I miss him so much.

So this week is the wake and the funeral...I don't know what I am going to do when I see him laying in that casket. seriously. I might lose my shit. But once it's over I will be relieved, and will be able to cope some how and learn to be able to accept this crap.

His family has been in tight contact with me, which I am so thankful for, and they have been nothing but supportive.

shit man, how does this happen?

you always hear about these things on the news, but its never someone you know or love or were going to marry.

http://www.syracuse.com/news/index.ssf/2009/10/syracuse_man_struck_killed_in.html