there's nothing like getting some hot ass...


i wish for mush more in the near future, with a few breaks to breath and recoup!

i fear i have dug myself into a hole that im not quite sure how to get out of.

after many many months of being single, and having only a few fligns here and there, it appears i have gained the interest of two gentlemen. now, im not used to all of this attention, and its quite nice, but i dont want to be a huge asshole and end up hurting someone's feelings.

here's the situation. i met this guy, and we hit it off instantly. quite a bit of physical attraction and such. we saw eachtoher a bunch of times, and then it became this huge game of phone tag, and missed meet ups. at first i was thinking, "oh, he's a a huge player, this and that." but, it appears that he is really super busy with work, and some complicated family affairs. so, i kinda wrote him off. and then he keeps calling, and i dont know what to say so i kinda avoid him.

anyway, i end up meeting this other guy, and we go on a few dates. he is pretty handsome and easy going, and funny. a really genuinely nice guy, however, he seems like the type to get serious really fast, and that freaks me out. also, we kissed, and i just didnt feel "the spark". it could be that it will just take a whole to warm up to him, but i dont know. i have actually been with guys who i wasnt initially super hot for, but the connection just needed a bit of time.

now, both guys are asking me "are you into me", and trying to figure out my deal. i dont want to lie, but im pretty sure both would be upset if they knew i was seeing someone else. however, neither is my boyfriend.

so, here is the real question. do i go with the the guy that i have way more attraction to, but dont fuly know what he wants? or, do i go with the safer choice, who i am not sure of? or do i just quit this nonsense full stop?? i have NEVER been in such a predicament with dating, and i dont want to "play" anyone, because that seems really wrong. i dont like letting people down, and i want to make the right choice.

another thing. is it wrong to like one guy more because he has a good job and a nice car and apartment and all of that. he is a bit older than the other, who has just moved back and is staying with his parents like me. argh. im also more attracted to the guy with the bigger ego. its not just the bigger ego, but the fact that he is extremely intelligent and well-read, and seems to have more similar interests as me and the other guy, but i would be taking a chance with him. plus, he can dance, and i find that incredibly sexy. and he is a swell dresser, and the other guy could use some help in that area. plus, the nicer guy doesnt read books, and that really bothers me.

is it ok to continue to see both guys?? i feel like it isnt because i have hooked-up with the one, and the other guy really likes me and seems like he wants to take it further, when i am unsure about the other one. i think they both sense that something is up with me, and i just need to put an end to this situation entirely.

why cant a girl just have two boyfriends????

so, i really has a great time @ e:lilho's bday party, and her grad party, but i havent posted in a while.

been feeling a little down. under the weather. not fit for human consumption.

anyway e:peeps, dont you worry. I be at the party tomorrow tonight!

let's party cindy style!

forecast: change of hair?

how do you all feel about me anyway? i always have trouble making friends. is it because im too loud?



sometimes, i feel so fake.