A few people responded to my previous post about women liking men with "confidence":

I'd take a guy willing to show some vulnerability over an arrogant asshole any day.

i also don't want some guy who just thinks he's the shit, when he isn't. That to me is arrogance,

The problem is, there's a huge quality difference between confidence and arrogance. One can be confident without being arrogant; it just means you're sure of yourself and sure of what you want. It also means that you don't have anything to prove to anybody. The problem is, arrogance is often mistaken for confidence; and that's where people make a mistake. Key difference: a confident man creates his own reality, and asserts his stature by raising himself; an arrogant man defines his reality through others eyes and tries to assert his stature by bringing others down. "Women hating", xenophobia and other phobias, etc. are all hallmarks of arrogant assholes, not confident men. A confident man doesn't have to prove anything; an arrogant man always has to prove something.


On a different note: why haven't I heard of this visionary before:
?

He linked a healthy sex life, which he called "orgastic potency," to emotional wellness, believing that failure to discharge sexual energy resulted in neurotic disorders.

AMEN!!!

Since we're all talking about dating, etc. let me throw in my $0.03 ....

Contrary to what e:jason says, women dig confidence more than other things. Yes, there was a time when a man's overt affluence played a bigger role; but these days it doesn't count as much to most women. Yes, there are gold-diggers who will chase a bald guy in a Porsche; just like there are guys who'll chase a blonde bimbo with silicone. But they're more the exception than the norm.
Now, what affluence _does_ do is provide a man with some amount of confidence; and that, IMHO, is what appeals more to women.

There's a whole thesis that can be written about the "why do women like jerks" question. The short answers: 1) jerks are confident; 2) they have a rebellious attitude, which is exciting; 3) there's this whole "who can tame him" challenge.

One woman once told me: the thing about jerks is that you see both sides of them. You see the jerk side; but you also see him being sweet to you. That reassures a woman that she means something special to him. On the other hand, if a guy is equally sweet to all women, then his woman can't tell whether he's really into her or not. Take that FWIW.

Speaking of sides: you guys don't know how hard it is for a non-native to be in the dating game. Yes, I've seen more ass in 6 months in SF than I saw all my life in Buffalo. But, as they say in Texas, it's a whole 'nother country. Maybe I'll write about it in more detail some day...

Another idiot busted:
When are the Repuglicans going to drop their gay-bashing?

For once I'll agree with ejoshua and say that his link is worth a read.

And the whole "why do girls love jerks" question? Here's what someone sent me:

Hey, I think I almost just might maybe, have an answer to why the majority of women...bad boy type....? Initially, it's seemingly a challenge. No matter how much we HATE it, we gravitate towards bright shiny objects. In this case being loud sirens and strobs screaming, "DANGER! DO NOT GET INVOLVED!"SELF RIGHTOUS ASSHOLE" is writen clearly across his forhead! Next for some self hating reason I have yet to figure out, we LIKE that this thing is interested in "Me" today. So, now we've gotten InVolved. What to do? Then comes the ever so inviting dilusion- the other girl just didn't do enough, wasn't pretty enough, didn't talk enough, talked too much. Nope, there is not even a SLIGHT thought that, HELLO?! IT'S NOT HER/THEM/ME, IT'S HIM!!!! Then he breaks her heart TOO, and HE, not HER, mind you, leaves you and on to the next suspecting victim! Not sure? We like pain?!

And finally: I just finished reading this book called "The Game"
I quite enjoyed it (though I detested the guys who do this kind of stuff... it makes the lives of the rest of us harder).

A couple of weeks ago I was at a volunteering event, which had a rather large turnout (about 100 people). As it turned out, there were a couple of young (early 20s) girls just bursting to show off their hot little bodies: short skirts, tight tops, ample cleavage, etc.
The funny thing is: as they were walking about normally to do the usual stuff: pick up a flyer, walk to their seats, etc. they got some of the dirtiest looks from other women! I was at a vantage point where I could see the entire crowd, and the guys just casually glanced their way, and quickly looked away. But the women, oh man; they had daggers coming out of their eyes. And quite a few of these women were quite attractive and successful; but that didn't matter. It reminded me of something one of my exes said: it's the women who give other women a hard time more often.

So today's the big party in the Castro where the locals celebrate Halloween. And then on Wednesday the out-of-towners come to town and mess things up.

Hope all eStrippers have a good time over there; don't forget to post the pictures!

... or maybe not.

First, for you, e:jason , here's a link to a CL post (and followup) that you might get a kick out of :

Last night I went clubbing with an ex; it was her birthday. She is young, and looks even younger, so we went to these places that I usually wouldn't go to.

Is it me, or has the bar scene changed in the last few years? Anyways: it was an interesting night.

And on a serious note: e:mrdt , I know you're hurting, and breaking up does hurt a lot if you're the one being dumped, I think those pictures should not be in public unless your ex- also decides to share them. Healing is _so_ much quicker if you take the high road; trust me. I've been on both sides of this event many times, and learnt this the hard way. You'll just increase the amount of bitterness in your heart by trying to strike back with venom. Just let it go, man.
Please take this as friendly advice.