Updated Last 11/21/09 05:57:17
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everything is so verdant, i couldn't find dry grass for the beesmoke. it is an amazing but in-your-face kind of beauty i'm experiencing, there is so much silence and ennui and repetition, ye0 . . .
you want to pull shit and run instead they have you chained and shaved, tied to a tree your ancestors would have loathed, barking barking interminable i felt a little better for you souther0 . . .
HERE! in chautauqua county, in lil ol cassadaga. it's a shameless plug for big city biz, but hey..... i've abstained for as long as i could.... ok, ok, WHAT is a meat bonanza? at our spec0 . . .
watch?v=lNak-6O8lFQ0 . . .
are COMPLETELY different now. 1008/10020911013.jpg not that we burn through THAT much milk in a weekend, but sheesh... i had the VERy most disturbing dream, that i was getting ready to te0 . . .
ass. wednesday mornings, seemingly all the moms in town CONVERGE upon the playground and there's just a diaperload full of kids. great! and i ought not to talk turkey, this being such a small 0 . . .
i once dreamed king crab legs would not stop growing from my mouth as i watched in a mirror horrified now i wish that would happen from the place where words come might some beast of the ocean 0 . . .
it's such a uniquely modern problem to have a running 'blog filter' in your daily interior monologue--perhaps the blog has become the exterior monologue. i have found myself shaking my 0 . . .
it's sort of unfair of me to go straight to the fair w/o representing some of the other awesome things about this county. i always mean to take photos when we're out on drives, but haven . . .
some of you may remember the roaring 20s evening of mine, which will forever live in my (ok, *spotty*) memory as one of the most fabulous nights of my life (i do not know who has the photo of all of u0 . . .
after a perfect day, here's how the next decade is going to go: 1. i'm gon OWN mahself.... no more questions, doubting, fussing or fretting over what whoEVER thinks of me-- that's s0 . . .
i am taking a cue from my good friend dayner and making a garden post. considering i purchased many herb seeds i was too lazy to scatter, i might as well blog the 1 edible that made it into the ground0 . . .
after months, literally, with a significant break in between, there is finally. poop. in the. potty. cue triumphant trumpeting. i didn't think it would ever happen. we begged, pleaded, promis0 . . .
i am dry on the music frontier lately. if you told me a few things you like to read, and wanted some direction to some interesting lit, no problem there. but new music sort of eludes me. there's 0 . . .
i am impatient and want my yard, the first i have ever "owned", to be fabulous. instead, there is a gaping hole where paul ripped out a scraggly bush, a rotted stump that has spooky crevices0 . . .
the sound when i open a hive up is so incredible. it's surprisingly soothing. a lot of people are creeped out when i tell them about it, but a lot think it's awesome too. it is awesome. thes0 . . .
0508/10015640516.jpg holy shit! i guess i could call myself a beekeeper now. this is a crappy photo, i keep meaning to take more but as soon as i open the hives up, i forget all about it. i never0 . . .
like any new mother, i am nervous and scared kinda shitless, for soon 18,000 odd stingly flying honeymakin insects will be my charges. also i am nervous because this DEMANDS that i not just dabble in 0 . . .
paul once asked me what i love about buffalo, and it was during an i hate buffalo ebb. after thinking real hard, i answered "the houses." you could walk for hours, and spot hundreds of nifty0 . . .
....is about to get worse. we now run a small-ish grocery store and have taken a big hit as far as wheat, milk, eggs, etc.--- in short all the things we use to make the rolls, cakes, pizza, etc.-- peo0 . . .
insomnia is the worst fucking thing, i would not wish it on an enemy. all the livelong day i feel somewhat akin to a slave, albeit to children i love and adore, but still, i am working hard and puttin0 . . .
ok, so sesame street live was...... hm. a necessary evil? i am torn over it, since the initial wonder, fascination, and joy made it worth it, but the overstimulation and exhaustion that soon followed0 . . .
i randomly came across this from looking around on the irs's website. i'm not exactly sure how the things below count as charitable contributions. seems like it ought to be deducted as part 0 . . .
0108/10013030103.jpghttp://estrip.org/elmwood/users/trisha/images/0108/th_10013030103.jpg0 . . .
so i go upstairs to free my son, who isn't napping despite the fact that i KNOW he's beat, and i think, 'hm, it kinda smells like baby powder.' one second later i know just what ha0 . . .
if everyone just MADE each other a nice gift for christmas, and left it at that. yeah, there'd still be a lot of purchases going on, you'd need materials, but each thing would be so much mor0 . . .
i could be wrong, but it is my general impression that europeans don't make nearly the silly fuss about nursing in public as americans do. yet another way they are better. guess what--women are a0 . . .
many ridiculous things have caught my attention, just in the last 24 hours. a commercial for the "veteran's day mattress sale" oh right..... everyone waits all year for that, when we0 . . .
sorry, parents. i've got him. in the world's cutest costume.... 1107/10011131101.jpg this year he pretty much 'got it.' trick or treating was a blast.... i love my new ne0 . . .
it is alarming, at the end of the day, to see how many diapers we have gone through. i have cloth ones in my possession, and don't feel the slightest bit guilty about not using them....the both o0 . . .
0907/10010600925.jpg unruly dogs and their overprivileged owners, that schizo naptime woodpecker, the feist ipod commercial, ennui, the word ennui, sleeplessness, most food, boxes and bags, think0 . . .
and who decides? this is the underlying topic of this pretty crazy NYTimes article i read http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/16/arts/design/16robe.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&adxnnl=1&ref=arts&0 . . .
why am i so fascinated by substances that have many many uses. each new use is like lifting a little flap, and there is a surprise underneath is why. i guess. so because i'm one of the great d0 . . .
michael stipe and his fine band were on sesame street last week, bringing a little tear to my emotional eye. the song was "shiny happy monsters" alternated with "sad and sobbing monster0 . . .
but you have to know how (so states the Cat, somewhat ominously--he IS quite the trickster). i USED to know how, or so i thought, and then for a while i learned how in a totally different way, now i a0 . . .
naturally i wait and wait for a computer, which finally arrives and is glorious, and all i can think to do with it is fiddle around on the internet. i feel so full of lazy interest in so many things, 0 . . .
cry -stories on npr, like the teacher in afghanistan, who, despite death threats to her sons by the taliban, refuses to stop teaching because her students are "all our children, our people.&qu0 . . .
well, not *guzzling* per se.....but certainly cushy in my american clothes, coat, vehicle, headed to a cozy home without 28 inhabitants to share the 7 rooms and with drinking water that isn't sew0 . . .
hmm. city or rural. the difficulty becomes land. while a city garden can be lush and wonderful, in the end it is a rectangle where the kids like fishies will bang into the sides of the tank eventually0 . . .
and i sort of like the nub under that left pinky, and that i have to pay extra attention to the fact that my 'a' is being typed properly. 'a's are everywhere, a lot. heh heh would 0 . . .
well, in comparison at least. 3 year disintegration, during which either 1) families and/or individuals dissolve, the effervescence of which bubbles constantly against my skin, up and around my bre0 . . .
attainable or not, i'd like to keep this list in mind as my mind reels lately with an uncharacteristic lust after objects. and SO, here are the things my heart really wants, not necessarily in priorit0 . . .
or perhaps they are weird sisters of a sort. it would seem they are opposites but think how if you haven't spoken to your friend in soooo long the 'i'm sorry i've been really busy' line is the first o0 . . .
i have a serious problem with him. i have been watching jeopardy as of late and am sometimes confronted with the soulless mofo in the last moments of 'wheel', while he is mindlessly bantering with van0 . . .
leg. 1. a most fashionable blue-magenta boa that may just start a haute couture leg-severing trend, darling... 2. a highly pliable golf club and/or croquet mallet; once bent it will maintain an0 . . .
http://www.estrip.org/elmwood/journals/index.php?u=news&id=874 1. through paul while a visitor in his home 2. a few friends know. no family, no work people. real name, not real photo. 3. 0 . . .
0406/atak_hert4558.jpg this tag is all over buffalo. i first noticed it on a building across from the gold dome, on a wall above the old harold's shoes. that particular tag has what seem to be co0 . . .
sex! sex sex sex, sex sex ss sex sex as the number one suggestion to bring on the labor. runners up: 2. sex and wine (half a glass, of course) 3. paul should 'stimulate' (ooh, so technical) my 0 . . .
mine and the baby's time in the same vessel is drawing to a close. it has been a miraculous, ordinary, extraordinary time, one in which i am quite honestly at this point excited to end. why? 1. peo0 . . .
i have always had a problem with 'making something' of myself. being firstborn to a very young mother, she always tried to encourage that and those were her exact words, go to college, get a job, 'mak0 . . .
(and there are no barking sparrows....) mmm. i love those candies that taste like lavender. not the gum, tho, which tastes musty to me. the person sitting next to me right now smells like i didn0 . . .
they used to. Dickens wrote an entire world in the line "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." He could have written that anytime and it would be true. I try to keep this in mind wh0 . . .
the baby has been doing trapeze artist tricks in there, and it creates the god-weirdest ache in my cervix. 'ow, my cervix' is a curious thing to be saying a few times a day. i cannot quite tell which 0 . . .
it would be my fortune that just as i finally procure a library card, the library closest to me is closing, permanently. the flourescent paper that declares so is quite sad. though i accept that some 0 . . .
last night i dreamed of two massive eagles with especially large claws, flying just a few feet from the surface of some pristine lake who knows where, hopefully somewhere on this earth, a secret place0 . . .
matthew's zoo pics reminded me that sometimes at night from our room (which opens up to a backyard porch), we can hear some kind of zoo animal warbling? yowling? lowing? bellowing? moaning? singing? c0 . . .
it's baffling when two people who have been married quite a long time suddenly hate each other, and have so many vicious things to say, and messy proceedings begin. it only makes sense for communicati0 . . .
life can be going along just fine, nothing too terrible or too good, endless cycles of work money bills (getting and spending, we lay waste our powers....) and the pleasantness of sun, flowers, walk0 . . .
scrawling a pie crust recipe from a decades old cookbook (lined with notes, hole punched index cards inserted, pages half falling out-- something like a spellbook), receiving dictation, advice to prac0 . . .
here i am poised, fingers on the asdf. past training, right hand of course on the jkl;, i wonder as always if my talents go beyond the conditioned and re-conditioned. goddamn it, i want to say no but 0 . . .
it bothers me like crazy that this hip loft type look is all over tv and catalog and magazine pages. chic baskets, clear acrylic end tables, pendulum lights, metal, glass, those new looking kinds of h0 . . .
sometimes i get to feeling about how i feel things so much differently from others, then i see how silly that is because you just can't know how someone else ever feels things. it's like you think you0 . . .
goddamn it, that post just made me mad at myself. it felt like putting on an old glove. i went and put on a sweater and realized it's warming an old lady's heart. startover. Song for an Unused P0 . . .
evry'1! my house is a perpetual mess. i have so little capacity for joy. i found out i am really no one (a quote, so true). would yu like to have a party? i feel full of a defective gene,0 . . .
the time is near: perpetual night for ungrowing in flourescent fright for gloom and dim and scrounge for light for winds and massive frozen might to sleep, to eat, to knit perchance to struggle0 . . .
oftentimes throughout my life, i have felt like god might not care that much, might be languishing for all eternity (which to us might be a katydid's walk to the next eucalyptus tree, or a chicken's p0 . . .
otherwise ain't you, or me, or ain't none of our friends n famblys'd be here. and i like bein here.... i am reading Ishmael, by Daniel Quinn. in some ways it is a bit sophomoric at times, and a pla0 . . .
sometimes these scary blank out times happen to me. usually only when drinking, but i was pretty in control of my own friday and i just remembered today that there's a chunk of time that i don't remem0 . . .
i'm technologically dumb. i was excited to share my photos of the debauch, but apparently they won't work. and to make matters worse, i do not know how to delete them off my journal. paul? can you hel0 . . .
0904/100_0163.jpg 0 . . .
0904/100_0158.jpg 0 . . .
summer is a girl i have been friends with a super long time. it's cool cause we've both changed a lot and because of a real easygoing acceptance of each other's core selves, still have stayed pretty t0 . . .
aquarius: just so you know, you're not the only ones who have your zodiac sign in a song. there is also this beastie boys song in which one of em (i can never get it straight, which one's mike d again0 . . .
AND RAT-A-TAT-TAT-T-DOW!!!! phew, that felt good. plus i'm cracking myself up over here. i looooove cracking myself up. ask paul. he totally knows.0 . . .
like the chinese and japanese and some other cultures i'm sure except that i don't know anything about them at all, i would like it if a "letter" (character) meant a whole word or even a who0 . . .
ma soeur est enceinte elle est seulement seize le coeur de ma grand-mere palpite chaque fois elle parle d'il0 . . .
so last night for the second time, i exchanged exhilaratingly sexually loaded witticisms with my little black haired ponytailed vixen, who teases and flirts me up to no end and for whom i "have t0 . . .
i think it's advertising and/or the man some kind of sunday blues a never used to be no aloneness please help if you are human i need you just the sight of a face will do (and i hate that0 . . .
hi yall. i have a summer cold, and it's the blues. hm. what else. i have not seen anyone from e-strip in weeks, since the courtyard bbq. and that's the blues too. maybe the food was horrendous, yes? a0 . . .
it has occurred to me that getting a frickin cell phone has changed my life rather significantly. i can't think of a single thought i had today. why have thoughts when you can talk on the phone? talk 0 . . .
i never, except i am going to make mine non-sexual, which is much less fun. but there's a lot of new folks, and i'm shy. (phhfff) ;) SO, in my life i have never: 1. taken a bath in anything oth0 . . .
i have been delinquent. thanks to all for the uniqueness of your presence and presience at le bar-b-q. we, as in paulnotpaul and myself (trisha) had a fantabyulastic time... good thing tomorrow i0 . . .
i had a weird fantasie today, of starring in a movie in which there was a lot of righteous ass kicking done by, of course, me. i realized i am really over the moon for violence in movies when it is a0 . . .
can it? today i am obsessed with random events. forming a pattern somehow, in some mathematical model i can't begin to comprehend. there is a big bin at the grocery store of green beans. i sort0 . . .
holly, love the picture... and your stories (and i have been putting myself away in the ground for a long time. it feels bad.) who else but us and the other few we know dream of, of all thing0 . . .
if you find yourself caught in love, say a prayer to the man above, thank him for everything you know, you should thank him for every breath you blow, if you find yourself caught in love, say 0 . . .
gemini: don't stay in today! while walking, you will catch sight of a rotten tomato, which will then become allegorical for you. you will realize the transitory, fleeting aspect of this thing calle0 . . .
dear ob/gyn: please write me a descriptive essay of just what goes through your mind as you deliver a child. dear artist: how does average, boring life factor into your thoughts? dear old lady0 . . .
i didn't want to look outside, and so i looked on the internet for 'spring scenes' this is what i found right away! http://www.city.yokosuka.kanagawa.jp/e/muse_e/taniuchi/spring/pe_002.html what a 0 . . .
if you have money you can buy the good soap the kind that is viscous liquid it smells like the company's rendition of 'spring breeze' but to me it smells like fake watermelon and makes me want a0 . . .
but i like it.... yeah yeah. you get it. i like the new colors too. hurrah for green! it is spiffy. quite horrorshow. for anyone and all interested: quite in the future, but: july 9 10 10 . . .
if you have a minute, please respond to this, by post or personal e-mail to me, it matters little, it is just a little thing but amusing: what is your terrible food weakness? that thing you know is su0 . . .
by the gnarled strawberries, in the package so cleverly concealed, from the produce shopper's eye by the future in-laws' big honkin suv, on loan for a small while, i admit i love it for all t0 . . .
i find it amusing that early sunday mornings, no one but no one has a star yet. thank you for calling me TERRY, you crazy bastard, at 3 or 3:30 or 4 or whatever goddam time in the morning it was. 0 . . .
dearest liquid, you are such a friend to me. i can never decide if you are black or just really dark brown or some color all your own that they will someday name a paint after. i enjoy your so ma0 . . .
when i finally have my restaurant, thousands of years in the future, this will be a sandwich. here is a sneak preview, i know yall can hardly wait that long... a french dip is a roast beast and mozz 0 . . .
paulnotpaul says "i'm not really sure that's the kind of feedback he's lookin for" but he also said it's "right on" so hey.....0 . . .
paul, disclaimer: i go off on tangents when i'm trying to make a point (as you most likely know), so....with that in mind.... ok--here is a little story about my weekend thus far that directly con0 . . .
some kind of news is shrinking my space, uniform news for a uniform place, today i wondered-if i was a machine, just what kind of machine would i be, movies and music are nothing but words, letters 0 . . .
oooooooooohhhhh lord, the world is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo strange lord canya help me? info overload-- system reboot, just how do we choose which moments of our day will be made into 0 . . .
dearest terry et.al., please do not throw us in friendship jail! our weekend of fun was abruptly ended since consolations must be lended. wishing of so much snow time mirth in a cabin lik0 . . .
i am too young it seems, but regardless there is a strange tickling of nostalgia floating on the edges as of late. i am not even a fan of nostalgia, so it is a curious feeling. even curiouser is a se0 . . .
whoever 'you' are. on franklin/linwood and north there's a tiny park where the skateboarding punks do their grind hootchacallits and generally make a lot of racket or so some namelessentity must thi0 . . .
Envoie-moi un e-mail. i just remembered a dream i had, except i can't say for sure if it was a dream, or a tv program. this is especially grave given the nature of the dream: a girl flops down face0 . . .
could it be happieness? ha ha, this early on a sunday, no one has stars. i just had an unsatisfying meal of pig ass and chicken periods. happy sunday!!! talked to my bro (the only one of 6 i'm 0 . . .
i mean pure rage. like when a lid won't screw off or a shoelace won't go through the hole and you try and try and it just won't? what do you do when that happens? i think responses to that situation0 . . .
i am getting strangely paranoid about things i never ever would have imagined i would have before. something in my brita? (HA) ohthatwassuchabadjoket... but, there it is. such as the creeping certaint0 . . .
Attention All Partisans of Subversive Theatre Coming Up Next: the Black leader they're hoping you'll forget . . PAUL ROBESON SPEAKS OUT! by Phillip Hayes Dean What? PAUL ROBESON SPEAKS 0 . . .
ran across the glimpse of a delightedly dramatized life again today. it seems i desperately want out of the role i have writ for myself, strengthened after seeing a play. plays are so fucked up, as mi0 . . .
damn it, to dream of a garden full of things let to go wild, things that will multiply with or without human help, babies toddling through the pennyroyal, sparrow hunting sparrows, stalks of plants ha0 . . .
i had a super weird dream in which gdub was giving this important speech, except two rows over a man and woman were arguing and talking very loudly, and weren't paying him any attention at all. this0 . . .
if i had unlimited piles of cash, i would seriously consider a sex change. gimme a penis, doc, is what i would say. then i could become the kind of man i truly would like to be: dirty. i'd grow a sc0 . . .
it is strange to think of one's life going by without something to teach. if not, it makes the whole damn rather sad and pointless thing seem even more so. and so i had a longer-than-usual head scratc0 . . .
just before closing time, late tuesday night. 10:45. a truck pulls up behind the pizza hut, dropping off a load of provisions. tomorrow is buffet night. buffet night saves the pizza hut. all day wedn0 . . .
i fear i am becoming a nasty mean old witch. winter doth work strange poison. who stole my eye of newt, damn it! for fabulous listening, try anoushka shankar. she too is the daughter of ravi, in wh0 . . .
i really like the word icily, as it is takes a noun and turns it into an adjective. 'she stared at him icily' --with the properties of ice. oh, and i hate when 'ster' is put on the end of words when0 . . .
who ever thought up that crazy idea? MUSHROOM TRIPPERS, THAT'S WHO!!! paul and i were watching this great program on animals who enjoy getting fucked up on various natural substances (except the mo0 . . .
matthew, who showed me the way to a new musical heroine in the beautiful, illustrious miss dolly parton. she is ebullient and warm and she makes me happy. that is all. sirs and madams. 0 . . .
yeah, mine was strange. my dad is strange, my mom is strange. my stepdad is morose, my stepmom is on crack. my grandparents are sane and sweet, and so by necessity get trampled by the madness. but les0 . . .
yay, more peeps. where are the wendies and zacharies so's i don't have to scroll so far down for to see me? biatch! wow biatch and snatch have many similiar letters. if you combine their differences y0 . . .
"knock it off. a jackelope is fuckin ridiculous. and you know it."0 . . .
ooh, so i ended up in niagara falls last night also, paul had a performance in this building we had to find with bad directions, so it was a kind of scavenger hunt. (i have always thought having one o0 . . .
mind. it is seriously fucked up, this place. it has a hold on people like i have never seen anywhere else in the country, not that i've spent large amounts of time in any one other place but.... 0 . . .
a friend was telling me about frustration in the grocery line when , as a strange vu (there are two others besides deja: presque vu (almost seen) is when upon experiencing something, you feel as if yo0 . . .
i feel this is the verb my tv is practicing all the time. it is much stronger than mere hypnotizing. i once made a comic about a little alien that lives inside of tv's and sucks brain waves and feeds 0 . . .
here i is, cause where the recipies at? ain't none, til me. yeah, thass right... i saw a funny thing on the tv about our genius prez in yet another brilliant address to the nation. he said, quote, in0 . . .