Let's see. How often have I kept writing whatever came into my mind? I would say, most of the times. How often have I not edited what I wrote? Never. So when (e:Paul) challenged me to translate my stream on consciousness here, I was a bit intimidated. I still am. Writing without editing is a luxury that only the most careless or the most devious can get away with. I don't think I am either. In fact, I fear that I will say something inappropriate here and be forced to hide the entry before too many people read it.

Nevertheless, I think the challenge is an interesting exercise in exploring what I am really thinking about...I am recalling the salsa class today. It was fun, but it was not so fun. We didn't have enough partners to rotate in intermediate class today and as a result I was dancing alone for a large portion of a complicated partner-oriented routine. The next time we switched partners, the routine had advanced to include even more moves. I didn't even have the basic moves down yet. And of course, my lack of clarity on what a proper frame means didn't help.

When I first started with the class back in November, Sarah and Sean rotated with the students in class. They somehow stopped rotating earlier this year. So I don't get to dance with them so much. Sometime Sarah dances with me to demonstrate moves to couples nearby but I miss November. I miss that first month of dance. I miss that feeling of floating on clouds. I miss it so much.

Today, when I was bald in class and dancing alone, I realized that the pain of getting cancer lies, perhaps, not in the disease itself but the pain it brings to your interactions with others. You interpret each little disappointment in the light of the disease. I think today, of all days, dancing a dance that was designed to accentuate everything that is right with me and this world, I felt so out of place and so completely in sync with what it is like to have cancer.

But I had fun when I was not dancing alone. I am so glad that Philip is in the class and is always so kind to rotten dancers like me. Today would rank as a complete disaster without him. I love salsa but I hate that it depends so much on partners. I doubt I will ever socially dance because it is painful to feel that you are not enough by yourself. It might be true but I don't like that feeling. Self-reliance is the key to happiness. If you can't have faith in yourself, you can't expect to enjoy life the way it is. Intermediate class leaves me feeling unhappy and feeling inadequate. I hate the feeling. I hate this stream of whiny consciousness. This is SO not making it to the publish button.

The incredibly sad news about (e:joshua) reminded me of the last time I had a substantial conversation with him, in person. I think it was a couple years back at (e:Drew) and (e:Janelle)'s labour day breakfast (or was it July 4?) I remember it was a classic American holiday and (e:Drew) was making delightful pancakes. Obama had just been elected or maybe he was about to be elected... I am not very sure.

In between a mash-up cross conversation about current research and medical management of early-onset hypertension and where to get the freshest coffee beans in Buffalo, I was asking (e:Joshua) what he thought were the redeeming qualities of being a Republican and he said, "Fiscal Responsibility". He also gave me quite a run down of all the different ways that the US would not do well under the Democrat-led spendthrift government. He made a special case about how the debt of social security payoffs and public health programmes such as medicare and medicaid would cripple the economy in the near future. He stressed on how important it was for governments to focus on being debt-free as a long-term strategy instead of trying to bail out of trouble short-term and abandon ship after their elected terms were over.

I am not quite sure that I understood all the nitty-gritties of his argument. I remember thinking that he was being rather severe on the Democrats but I do agree that fiscal responsibility has been and will always be a crucial cornerstone to not only the success of governments but also individuals who make up the population that is being governed. I continue to believe that being responsible with our money shapes several aspects of our lives and makes our toughest of choices easier. Looking back, I think that was the core idea that (e:Joshua) was trying to explain to me over breakfast.

(e:Joshua), that was an interesting conversation and it has remained with me since. I didn't always agree with your ardent support of Republican policies across the board and your relentless criticism of a large number of ideas slightly left of centre, but I think we did agree that day over cilantro and mint chutney with crispy rice and raw onions. Hope you are having a swell time, wherever you are now! I always thought you looked awesome smiling (and resembled Major Healey from I dream of Jeannie). :-)

Who's next!!?? (e:enknot)? :-)

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PS: I wish these droids actually had smiles... I was chuckling all through class, the poses were so extreme and I was discovering all kinds of hilarious asymmetry in my body. I think everyone else was smiling and laughing at some point as well...

Tallest yogi EVAH!



PS: Too bad they don't have piercings or earrings! Cramping my style here...

Okay, seems I have caught the mattandroidify virus as well! Modeling DroidyPaul on (e:paul,52884)...

I really like your shoes!

Those worn out suede-soles say so much about you! :-)

this was how you reacted to a not-phone.

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PS: I finally figured out the folder structure. :-)

I hired these lazy blokes to come and sing at your doorstep, but they didn't want to come out in the snow. They sent you a representative performance instead.

:)

One of my three faithful readers thinks I sound like a super-boring, pedantic, self-aggrandizing and basically, obnoxiously patronizing prick on my blog.



Yes, thanks very much mum, for sharing all of that. Your honesty is refreshing.

At this rate, the population density at Niagara Square will soon outstrip the heart of Chandni Chowk.