are you sure?

"Every year thousands of people are turned away from the polls because they aren't registered or are registered at the wrong address.

You can check your registration on VotePoke, a new online system. You should check it out. It only takes 30 seconds-and if you need to change anything, they make it really easy.

Do it today. You're not going to want to miss this year's election."



I've been at the same address since the last presidential election, so I know I am set to vote. Hopefully this will help anyone who has moved around and hasn't gotten around to registering their new voting address.




PS the orange-fall theme is extra 'orangey'; maybe it has always been that way, but my brain is registering it as new or improved. Very vibrant!

I have so much to catch up on.. but I'm just checking in to say that I am alive. Thanks to those who have inquired...

I haven't been writing much anywhere, for quite some time now. Strangely, I have done some writing with a.. PEN.. on PAPER. weird, right? Needed to vent and process through various things that which I would not air in public. Anyway, I've noticed to my dismay (and some amusement) that my penmanship has greatly deteriorated since embracing the electronic journal format some 7 years ago and even more so since joining estrip,almost three years ago. haha.

so yes, a monster post will need to be hammered out, if only for my own records.. prosperity and all.

again, proof of life ;)

Taken at Pointbreeze, Carlton NY 4-28-08

One by one my windows and doors are being 'winterized' with plastic and weatherstripping. Each sheet of plastic reminding me that it will be about five months before I rip it off with the promise of warmer temperatures. Some windows will have the blinds permanently down for the winter. I don't feel as creative or motivated to arrange the plastic in such a way as to be able to put them up and down. This year, it will be either or.


I was chilled to the bone, feeling the dropping temps combined with a barrage of conflicting thoughts, feelings and ruminations*.

A single Guinness helped remedy that.

My thoughts are more in order, of which I am grateful. We are, what we think.

What a funny night..



casual activity partners encroaching further into my life that I ever planned or care to allow. Martyr vs good friend? who knows.

Major writers block.

on every level.

sucks..............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds like some band and the title of their cd. ha, sounded fun strung together to me.. it doesn't need to make sense. word.


anyway..
I can't stop giggling over a girls reaction to my shaking her hand.

I came home last night to the immense pleasure of seeing (e:flacidness) , who's trip to B-lo I was unaware of. Yay! He came with his family of friends..

With introductions, I prepared everyone verbally that my hands are freezing as I had just walked in from the cold- not just from my car, but had also been walking around outside for a bit prior to that- and I had left my gloves in Sean's truck.

The shaking of hands proceeded as expected until the last one. How so? The girl recoiled her hand as if she had just been electrified by my touch and suddenly covered in ectoplasm, which she proceeded to wipe on her hip.

yes, i said, 'ectoplasm'.

I bust out laughing- finding such intense humor in it. Nothing negative, just an observation that I found to be really funny.

I hung out with the group- my beloved roomies and travelers- dancing to Kimya, Tony!Toni!Tone!, shaking my top and bottom to Beyonce, giving the men new 'hair dos', (floofy is SO in) playing 'dress up (e:terry) ' (he is such a doll!) and stealing sips of (e:Paul) 's screw driver. Just feeling light, feeling good, always enjoying time with friends.I wanted the evening to keep going as it was fun to relax with everyone. Instead, I grabbed a few belongings and headed back out into the night. I had some stuff to take care of, that out of responsibility, could not be put off. Coming in for an hour or so was a nice bonus to an already really lovely weekend. My needing to go back out wasnt a chore, as I new that shortly thereafter I would be able to go to bed- sleep that was much needed. I knew that my best choice of sleep arrangement for last night was to go back to Y-Town, so I could check in on my beloved furblobs, snuggle under a mound of blankets and get the rest needed to wake up fresh and ready to tackle some phone calls and bill paying. Mmmmm soft flannel sheets, a heated mattress pad and my stuffed turltle made for comfy and warm nocturnality. Indeed, I slept well, good dreams were had and remembered. It leaves me with a decidedly pleasant feeling... a continued effect of spending time with really wonderful people.

A weekend seminar was shared with new friends. Everything that was discussed has been a strong part of me for as long as I can remember. While some people went to learn or build upon what they know, I went for the experience, curiousity, the connection and to tweak some areas of my thought process. Bijan is indeed fun and informative, yet all that he says is all that I have long ago embraced on my own accord. tres cool..The absolute best part (which it was all good, even when literally running around Niagara Falls looking for lunch *wink*) is just spending time with friends and experiencing something so personal together. (e:inspiraysean) , (e:laurajean) and a few other most excellent people got together for this weekend. We had fun. fun. fun.

Meditations were deeply touching; I really like the guided variety. I am able to focus and follow someone elses words. When left to my own mental device- I go from meditating to another form of 'imagery" ;) or fall asleep. Right now is a time for me for sharing and strengthening a life time of observations and continuing with having a "can do" and "will do" attitude as opposed to the reality that many of us were brought up to beat down our abilities- whether by parents, friends, media, teachers, society in general. Much of this contemplation is infused in my writing- but it is not as overt as other writers.

In a speech by Nelson Mandela, there is a line that I have long ago thought to simply make sense. "...We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?..." exactly- really now, who are you NOT to be freakin' fantastic? Why wait for someone else to tell you or make you feel that way. You are and can be if you just allow it. Anything is possible, nothing is impossible- if you want something, if you want something more. That is why I keep at it- saying and doing things in a certain manner.,It just is. I just am. I will work on articulating my thoughts, as I have plenty of them :)

Right now I am just feeling through it all as opposed to being able to form words. I began this post to quickly jot some thoughts down as I down loaded some tunes off of Lime Wire, but I sense it going for a lot more than what I originally intended. I categorize posts that will have less than 500 words as "quickies satisfy"- which I typed in as I was only going to relay the humorous handshake. I have a few articles I am in the process of writing. Some pertaining to lessons learned early in life others relating to subjects that I havent written or read much about in awhile, such as Quantum physics, Quantum mechanics, chaos theory- fun stuff! (e:theecarey,133). I intend to use this post and accumulation of thoughts from this past weeked, as a spring board into writing about those topics.

While I have a few concerns, I am not a worrier- actually I am quite free spirited and laid back. And knowing this, I need to deal with it head on and let it go. I am very close to my child-like ways, so I never abandoned the fundamental need to have fun and to have a life that is pleasant and abundant in everything you want. Simple pleasures.. every day.. and each day is mine for the having.. and I like to share.

While my ruminations are usually subtle- occasionally I put it out there stronger. Yes, I am positive, but I am not deluded. I am well aware of the world and reality around us. There is no need to sugar-coat-- but there is a need to be kind to ourselves, to be grateful for what we have and who we are. Its easy to beat ourselves up. "I'm not good at that", "I'm out of shape", "I am always fucking up", "Drama always find me". Sometimes we put that on others, "S/He is like all the others, and will lie, cheat and be irresponsible, etc" If you have low expectations of yourself or others, you are usually correct in the outcome. If we can control just some of it- we can be better, feel better for it. Go ahead and tell yourself that you are a decent human being capable of anything. I figure, its all in my favor, so why not go for it?!

In the sociological and psychological applications, this is ground in the principle of 'self fulfilling prophecy'-a false definition of the situation evoking a new behaviour which makes the original false conception come true. This can be used to produce positive effects. With the Pygmalion Effect, this is directly applied to expectations set for another. Studies and literature primarily exemplify this in the form of student-teacher scenerios, where when teacher expectation of students were high, the students indeed tended to perform better. These studies were done to support the hypothesis that reality can be influenced by the expectations of others. In the 'spiritual' sense, you may find terms such as "manifestation" and 'power of the spoken word". There are many other 'effects', and hypothesis grounded in various fields of academic and life study. What they all aim to understand is how our perceptions- real or not will produce a very real outcome based on those initial thoughts.

So I choose, because it fits my life, to say and do things that support my attitude relating to this. I love my friends and family and all of the wonderful opportunities that come in to my life. I love making new connections and living in the moment. I have let go of a lot over the years and I understand that I accept me and you, right now, as is. Improvement will continue as I choose this. What I have said and done in the past that was shameful is just that: in the past. Awareness of areas that I want to improve is key. Before I open my mouth or make a move, I can decide if it is the best thing for me. Maybe it is, maye it isn't- but it will be my choice and ramifications good or bad are all on me. I am grateful that I often find humor and adventure in less than perfect situations. Not all great things will happen, but if I can get a laugh out of those other times, or use it as an opportunity to learn and grow- then I do. It may not be great while you are in it, but knowing that this will pass, and that you will get out of it- well, can be a profound experience. The last quarter of 2006 was a trying time of figuring out what the next step is. By reveling in my abilities and understanding where my heart and passion is, the situation I was dealing with dissolved and another door opened. That very night I was beaming bright with gratitude- (e:theecarey,356)

And so I am through that 'wall', that 'door'-- and I am not looking back. I am where I need to be and I am in a good place, for me.

Sometimes, like tonight, when it gets to be 2 am.. and I know I should be asleep, there is something within me that isn't allowing it to happen.

I havent actually tried to go to sleep yet tonight. I am sure I would drift off quickly... but occasionally it creeps me out to go to sleep, especially the later it gets to be. And then, my dreams get to me..

When its late, like 2am, I begin to hear, imagine and think about things. What do I think about? well, its not anything in specific... just some sort of psychological dissonance that I can't quite figure out.

Sometimes I am just silly. But not this night at 2 am.

Then when you have had a house full of people all evening..talking, eating, laughing (as the night wore on, laughing *really* hard) and then at 2am it is suddenly quiet.. its even more pronounced. I hear the kitchen clock ticking..

I hear the crickets and frogs outside..

I hear the neighbors cats playing with a bottle cap

I hear a late model car drive past my apartment..

I've locked the doors and have turned out most of the lights.; perhaps whatever I am trying to keep out is already inside.

I'd turn the music back on, but it doesn't help..

I am just kind of awake, just hanging in there until I can't keep my eyes open any longer.. No, night tea wont help.. my dream state will only be zanier! (e:theecarey,161)

Why do I have the urge to check under my bed and take a peep into my closet?

Its 2 am and my mind is playing tricks on me.