I feel scared and alone tonight, and I don't really have a reason to be.

Happy Earth Day!

It's a really beautiful day. The sky is so clear and sunny. I woke up feeling sick from the lupus this morning, but as soon as I went out for a walk- I felt so much better. It was great to sit outside in the breeze.

In recent years, the current presidential administration hasn't seemed to put the environment as much of a public policy priority as they really should have (I don't mean to single out the most recent one entirely- many leaders didn't care that much). Hopefully, that trend will reverse. There are so many interesting ideas out there to use new technologies that would combat polution, sustain our fossil fuels, and improve the quality of resources around the world. I hope greed and shortsightedness won't thwart this.

There is a lot that can't be undone, but there is still the possibility that we can turn things around for the better (if only we make it a priority).

Do you ever find yourself looking up blogs of people that you've had a falling out with over the years? A kind of morbid curiousity that you can't shake, even though you feel guilty about? Even though they have made their entries public, you still feel like your intruding on something that you shouldn't read.

I grew up in a small town. Most of the people I grew up with are married and have children now. This probably sounds terrible to say, but anymore it seems that I feel awkward around most of my old friends. Because I can't relate to most of their experiences. I don't have children. I'm not married or engaged. The relationship that I had been in for a year and a half ended soon after I moved to Buffalo this past fall. I don't have a car. I live in a one room place. I'm this chick in grad school with a serious illness, trying to scrape by on a minimalistic income and medicaid. Maybe it doesn't make sense, but I just feel like a failure compared to them. That I've fallen behind somehow.

The truth is that most of the time, I feel like I am content with my life. I am involved with things that matter to me, and I continue to meet a lot of amazing people. I just wish I wouldn't compare my life to others this way. I want to be someone who can just be happy for them. I really do.