Talk to Rush Limbaugh and he will tell you that the Clintons and Fidel Castro have been in an unholy cabal of Marxist-Leninist ideology. That was made all too apparent today when the Clinton's phoned their close friend Fidel and asked him to "drop the bomb". And drop the bomb he did.

Fidel has been waiting for the word for years. When Hillary was the inevitable candidate she had planned on visiting Cuba in her first year of the presidency and repair relations. But now that her campaign is on life support she needed to have Fidel create as big a news storm as possible. So he resigned.

But why now? Why did Hillary need Fidel to resign?

Quite simply, to obscure the most important and coveted endorsement for president of any party. The endorsement that Barack Obama got today.

• note. This post is true from here on in*

I am speaking of course of the Ben and Jerry endorsement.

Yes, the ice cream purveyors have announced they will not just endorse Obama but campaign for him in their home state of Vermont. The Vermont primary is on March 4th. Ben and Jerry unleashed a fleet of "ObamaModibles" where they will spread the word to voters and give out scoops of "Cherries for Change" flavored ice cream.

Is there any question who the inevitable candidate is now?

Hi,

I just made 55 calls to random people in Nebraska on behalf of Obama. It is really odd reading from a script at strangers. I mean, I like Obama. I really like him. But it feels so plastic to just read a script written by someone who is not a public speaker. I mean, that sentence about hope and change that also jabbed at Clinton was wonderful but it could have used seven less clauses. The written word is marvelous for a smattering of punctuation marks. The spoken word is not. By call 18 though I was into the routine and was able to joke with people and have a good chat.

Some people asked me questions I was not ready for. Where does Barack stand on gun control? "Er, the NRA hasn't made a big stink about him so I guess he isn't too restrictive" was my off the cuff answer. It turns out I happened to be right, but really, is gun control your biggest issue? What is this? The 90's?

Then someone asked me where he stands on OCEA. Um.. thankfully that was my last call. They were totally going to go vote for him they told me, but had that one question. My phone's battery died while I was trying to google it really fast.

The website where you get these numbers from is fun. They make it competitive. There is a top ten list of the people who made the most calls. I was briefly number nine and had the mofo at seven in my sites. But, with a dead phone all my dreams are too dead.

You kids should go to to make a few calls.

kisses

• update*

I am number seven!


sadly, they are out of numbers now.

I got a new phone recently and I haven't programmed all my numbers from the old phone into the new. The old phone has gone missing and so half the people I know and love are missing! This makes me really uneasy when ever I get a phone call from a number not already programmed in.

Who is it?
A telemarketer?
An old friend?
An ex-lover?

text messages are even more bewildering. A name gives you context for the quippy message. A number gives you nothing. So you can imagine my confusion when I got the following message:

"Vote for the spear chucker! Vote for a real American!"

OH! Did I just receive a really nasty smear machine text message? I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE! It would love to report it to some liberal blogging community and let them have a field day.

I get the message again five minutes later. Then a third time ten minutes after that. This is totally the work of the Clinton machine!!!

So I decide to call the number and see who it was. No one answers so I leave a message "speark chucker? You know what the problem is with you racists? You use the same old slurs. Come up with something new like 'ghetto martian' or 'monkey hope'."

Ya, so much for raising the level of discourse.

As it turns out it was an old friend of mine and we chatted about the cute Obama boys campaigning in the lower east side.

I finally understand all my ancieties surrounding this presidential election. It has everything to do with James K Polk.



That hairdo looks strangely familiar




It all makes sense now! A Hillary Clinton presidency will fulfill our manifest destiny.

Hi,

My name is James and I am an addict.

This addiction has been manageable in the past. More of a perennial nuisance than a full time hunger. But now I can't even recognize myself.

I just found out tomorrow is Superbowl Sunday. My first thought was 'I wonder how this will affect Super Duper Tuesday primary blitz!' followed by 'I wonder if candidate has purchased ad time' and then 'oh man, I should totally go grocery shopping, no one will be there!'

This isn't the first time this has happened. When Benazir Bhutto was assassinated I worried that it might affect news coverage of Barack Obama's last stump speech before Iowa. How uncompassionate can you get?

I am going to have to get off this drug, but November is just... oh shit, it is over half a year away. God damn it.

Now that Grandpa Fred's presidential bid/nap is over what is his staff up to?

Much bigger and more noble work apparently.

A former communications staffer has launched Boycott Chuck Norris to fight the disease which is Chuck Norris.

Chuck has been a very public supporter of whackjob Mike Huckabee. In fact, when the Huckster won the Iowa caucus his wife was not up on stage with him, but Chuck was there.

Huckabee, is fucking crazy. Seriously fucking crazy. He believes in a literal biblical interpretation of reality. There is no evolution and he said if elected he would rewrite the constitution to be in line with god's word. In the early 90's he called for the quarantining of people with AIDS. He has continually likened homosexuality to necrophilia and bestiality.

Chuck is free to get in bed with whomever he wants. But, as the site says

I want you to join me in boycotting all of the products that Chuck Norris endorses and some of the national companies that run advertisements on the show in which he starred and currently rerunning on the USA cable network, Walker, Texas Ranger.

all I got to say is, thanks, 20 years ahead of you on that one.

Politics is my favorite sport.

Sadly, the New Hampshire primary did not go as I hoped it would have. Very sadly in fact. I started off well enough with a celebratory glass of wine. Then the numbers started coming in. So it went to glasses of gin, gritting my teeth as I drank. The polls disappointed me again.

It takes me back to November of 2004. When I assured all my friends that after months of reading polls America would choose cottage cheese John Kerry over insipid pepper jack Bush.

So I spent that evening at a bar, filled with drag queens and their admirers. Watching the numbers come back in ways they shouldn't have but somehow did.

I hate drag queens. I hate George Bush. And most of all I hate being wrong.

cheers

• edit*

No, I wont let this set back discourage me. For, while I do not want to spend yet another election night drunk and surrounding by drag queens there is a shining glimmer of hope.

For Bill Clinton lost both Iowa and New Hampshire and still came out on top!

And there is but one drag queen who still bestills my heart with her grace and talent.

The one

The only

Dina Martina




cheers

Is America ready for a black or woman president?

This is the most banal question of the campaign. It is also the most over asked question of the campaign.

Why wouldn't be ready? Because there are some drooling yokels who think the darkies should go back to Africa and women make babies, not decisions?

For months we heard people question the authenticity of Obama's blackness. Perhaps because he was raised by his white mother and Indonesian step-father. Maybe it was because his father was Kenyan, not African-American. His bio-father left when Barack was 2 and didn't play much a roll in his life, if I understand the story. This means he isn't black enough. The black man in public life is either a preacher, a pop/rap musician, or what ever the fuck Allen Keyes is. Since Barack does not fit in any of these characters he is not black enough. Um.. what? It is a non-issue.

Hillary is criticized for being too butch. She is cold and stony. For years people have called her a lesbian because her belly isn't perpetually full of babies or has spells of the vapors. She is too manly, accused of being a megalomaniac and authoritarian. It is classic Freud. Male anxiety fearing castration by vagina-dentata.

Yet, when she merely choked up yesterday the media and John Edwards jumped on her for being too weak and feminine. We dislike her for being to masculine and then deride her for being famine.

America is and has been ready for a black or woman president. But the media is still dragging its knuckles on the ground, asking stupid questions for stupid people.

Is America ready for intelligent media?

Wow,

I am not a Hillary hater. She isn't my candidate of choice but I still like her well enough. But she is having a rough, rough day.

Between thursday and tomorrow she has gone from the inevitable candidate to barely alive. Obama leads her by double digit numbers in New Hampshire (tomorrow's primary) and South Carolina (the next big, important show). This means he has gone from distant second place to the clear front runner in four days. Let me say that again in a new paragraph for full emphasis.

In four days Hillary has gone from the Democratic candidate for a presidential election she was sure to win to a hail mary strategy to win a few unimportant primary states.

You have to feel some compassion for her. It is different from Mitt Romney who is an empty suit that tried to buy the election. Hillary was a genuinely good candidate with a very good chance at winning.

Today she choked up with tears when a woman asked her how she stays so upbeat.

Then we had her husband Bill, doing his best borscht belt comic impression, say "I can't make younger, taller, male. There are a lot of things I can't do. But if you want a president and need one she would be by far the best". Is that the best you could do Bill?

But the worst thing to happen to her campaign happened today. She played the race card in the worst way in the history of the game. Here is what she said

Dr. King's dream began to be realized when President Johnson passed the Civil Rights Act. It took a president to get it done."

So, she likens Obama to Martin Luther King, Jr. and her to Lyndon Johnson. She says MLK's contributions to American civil rights were less than President Johnson's. She likens her self to a one term president with a mixed legacy. Who is running her campaign and why are they still working for her? That is not how the race card works. You do not liken your opponent to one of the most beloved and respected of Americans and then try to say you are better than them. That is setting the bar absurdly high.

Well, at least she has her Senate seat.

So, it is show time tonight!

The pre-election season has been running since November 2006. And tonight we finally start to get this over with.

Iowa has been the first state to nominate a candidate since 1972. Which means there will be no sensible farm bills passed as long as it remains first, but that is a rant for another post.

A candidate has lost Iowa but gone on to the presidency 25% of the time. A candidate has lost Iowa but got their party's nomination 25% of the time(GOP) and 33%(Dem). So, it is a state that is not to be missed.

So, at worst you have a 66% chance of picking the next president of the USA. And who picks that candidate? Only about 150,000 people.
In 2000 31,000 people chose George Bush to be president. In 2000 31,000 people chose to fuck everyone up the ass an administration with horrendous policies that have been known to inflame rhetoric.

yikes.

Media pundits are saying that there will be record turn out! Just like they did in the 2004 general election. Oops, the kidos who didn't know who John Kerry was but knew they hated Bush because John Stewart does and that dude is fuckin' funny bro, didn't show up to vote... again. Some are saying it will double, or triple. Well, if there is a huge turnout at all it will be the Dems and asshat independents, not the GOP. I certainly wouldn't miss CSI: Juno to decide which empty suit is more viable.

So, America, this is what you do if you don't live in the anointed state of Iowa. You throw rocks at them. You throw rocks at them and pull their hair.

That is all, my little Davids.